Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Uncle

OK, having dragged myself to work today till early aft, and then having trekked home to sleep for 3 hours because I did not have the energy to be at work for half the day, I concede.

I'm staying at home until this virus doesn't leave me feeling half-dead. Till I can cough without losing the ability to inhale temporarily. Till I can breathe without feeling like there's a cat sitting on my chest. Till I'm not 15 different kinds of exhausted.

For those not following along, I've had asthmatic bronchitis for a couple of weeks. I've done everything one is supposed to do under the circumstances: antibiotics (didn't help but we tried it anyway - also good for keeping secondary infections away), a puffer, sleeping long hours, (miserably) staring into space, avoiding movement, acupuncture, massage, my regular daily regime of a zillion vitamins. Yet, somehow, I still ended up in the ER on Sunday (Happy Thanksgiving indeed), panicked by my continuing symptoms, wherein the doctors did an xray and noted a probable incidence of viral pneumonia.

The good news is that the xray showed a very minor case - just a shadow, really - and my body appears to be fighting it off (which is why I have no fever). The bad news is that I got this fucking thing in the first place. How?!?!?!? I barely take public transportation. I wash my hands constantly. I won't share food with my kid, specifically because I'm scared of child germs. (Note: Scott and M are fine. No one else at work has this bug.) I sleep many hours and eat healthy food.

The other bad news is that it's still in my system in any form. And the definitive bad news is that it's a fucking virus so it's not like they can wave a magic pill and make it go away.

People, I'm scared. I sense I went to work because I thought, if I pretended I was well, I would be well. I also went because I feel responsible to my coworkers and manager to actually turn up for work and perform the tasks I'm paid for. I don't think they want me around, though. In truth, they were very nice about it.

While today, I was explaining to a work friend that I wasn't a danger to her as she isn't an infant, an infirm elderly person or immuno-compromised, it finally occurred to me that I'm the immuno-compromised one, as evidenced by 5 weeks of sickness culminating in this shitty situation.

Experience has shown me that I can do everything in my power to promote and maintain health and still get sick. Why the fuck am I leaving the only place that's more or less a known commodity, where I can actually rest?

I had a number of posts in the queue last week, which is how I continued to seem so lively. This week I'm on post-as-I-go, so I don't know how often you'll hear from me. I really hope you hear from me a lot and that I'll have increasingly passionate opinions, underpinned by the return of healthful vigor.

I realize that, in the scheme of things, people get respiratory viruses all the time and recover - even if those viruses linger. I also realize that I am a particularly anxious sick person (anxious at the best of times, you know) and I have to share my feelings of anxiety or they'll simply be another instrument of suffocation. Even though the overwhelming likelihood is that I'm going to get better soon, I would welcome any continuing positive health vibes you've got to spare. (And I thank you for all of the ones you've been sending.)

As you can imagine, there's been little crafting happening here, as crafting takes a boat-load of energy. I have begun knitting the Inaugural Sweater but it's going very slowly. Fortunately, I did all of the sizing and mathy stuff a couple of weeks ago... So please stay tuned for info about it.


43 comments:

  1. Gosh this thing really has a grip on you. I hope it clears up soon. Virtual hug. But with my breath held, just in case ;-)

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    1. Thanks Gail! And I completely understand that hug philosophy :-)

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear that you're still ill, but at least, perhaps, the diagnosis will slow you down so that you really give your immune system more of what it needs. I can understand the anxiety and wish I could wave it away for you with a big magic wand. Big hugs -- and do, take it really easy -- we'll be here, waiting.

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    1. I have been slowed. Officially. Thank you for positive vibes xoxo

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  3. Have you considered that some of your problem may be caused by construction dust at you house? Could you go somewhere else for a few days?

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    1. Karen - I have considered that it's been exacerbated. I think that's likely true. I don't think it's been caused by construction - except the stress may have worn me down! You have a good suggestion but the dusty part has stopped for the moment. We're putting off the plaster work till I get better. Leaving this house would be harder than staying at this point. I just need my bed. Thanks for this thoughtful suggestion...

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  4. Gosh, I hope you make a speedy recovery! That sounds miserable :(

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    1. Thank you. BTW, I completely messed up my answer to you in your last comment (just revised it to say that I agree with you). Sorry, I'm just not myself.

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  5. Come stay a week or so with me in Arizona - it will do you wonders. I moved here from Virginia about 20 years ago, where I used to get asthmatic bronchitis twice a year without fail. The dry weather out here has performed miracles! :) I feel for you - I suffered from it for over 20 years. I know it's hard to rest when you feel ok (until you get up and start moving around), but that's what your body needs the most right now. Read, do handwork, anything that will keep you stationary. I have lots of WIPs to keep you busy should you choose to enjoy a dryer climate while you heal! lol

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    1. Oooh, if only I could twitch my nose and be there! Thank you for the kind offer.

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  6. I find my body has lots of ways of telling me enough is enough. Granted not viral pneumonia, but usually things like migraines, colds, etc. Whatever, something to just knock me on my ass and stay put. So listen to your body and rest up. Don't push yourself to blog if you aren't up to it.

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    1. Hmmm, seems I got the cold and migraine in early Sept. Perhaps I'm not so good at listening... :-)

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    2. Too much static on the line, perhaps?

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  7. Feel better soon! Sending every good healing vibe I can muster your way!

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  8. Another friend has been going through a similar experience for the past six weeks. She was in bed for most of them and has only just started going about. As boring as it may be sitting there not doing what you'd rather be doing, the best thing is to take care of yourself. Please.

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    1. Oh, that sounds terrible. Viruses are scary. So I am sitting here doing nothing. Gratefully.

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  9. I have always felt worse, both mentally and physically, just before I started feeling better. Hopefully, this will be true for you also. Rest, rest, rest! Do what your body is telling you to do!

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    1. Oh, that's a good thing to consider. I really hope that's the case with this bug!

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  10. I can't help or offer any suggestions, but I do hope you feel better soon!

    Kudos to you for inspiring my latest blog post, too - you've still managed to help me, even in your current state :-)

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    1. Gotta run off and read the post... (I mean, walk slowly :-))

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  11. Get well soon!! :) Try to relax and you'll be feeling better soon, I'm sure :)

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    1. Thank you. I know you know how it is to feel terrible. I'm such wuss about illness.

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  12. I am SO sorry to hear about your wretched illness. That is a long time to feel miserable! I was kind of stunned to read about your condition, as your sprightly posts last week about LCL's coupon code totally fooled me. My commiseration and hearty wishes for the long awaited recovery!

    Hey, LCL shipped my bra less than 24 hours after I placed the order online! Amazing! Thanks again for the coupon code!

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    1. I'm pretty good at sounding sprightly. But that's more sprightly than I could have managed, in truth. So happy your order is on its way.

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  13. Oh, I forgot to mention in my comment just now that you are being very considerate to stay home while you are sick. Even if you're not contagious, staying home speeds recovery and removes a distraction for your coworkers, who probably feel really bad at seeing you suffer. At least, I feel bad when I see ill coworkers!

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    1. I've gone in twice on the premise that I wasn't sick anymore (wishful thinking). Both times my coworkers were caring, but they wanted me out of there :-) It's horrible to work around someone who's sick, I know. Even though I'm not contagious, I sound horrendous, which is unsettling.

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  14. Goodness, I'm sorry to hear you're sick. I hope you get better soon. Sitting in bed and sweating it out can sometimes work wonders. I can relate to your feeling of wondering when it's just going to stop. The pain will go away eventually. It might help to say to yourself, ok just think in 2 weeks' time I'll be better. I find it helps to look forward to a time when you'll be better!

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    1. That's a very good philosophy. I'm going to work at it. Though, in truth, I'm a bit "two weeks is an eternity" :-)

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  15. I'm so sorry to hear you are still under the weather. I just hate when something lingers. There is some bug going around at my work and I'm feeling a bit off today. I hope I don't come down with something. Please rest and make your daughter bring you tea in bed.

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    1. I hope you don't come down with something too. Just know that, even if you do, it's unlikely to be this something. Which is good.

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  16. Ugh, I'm so sorry you've been having a shitty time these past few weeks :( If we were closer, I'd bring you soup & sit with you (well, at a distance lol) and knit & watch bad documentaries. Being sick sucks, I hope you feel better soon! ♥

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    1. Thank you Lauren. We could sit at opposite ends of the room :-)

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  17. *Positive health vibes and virtual chicken soup* Feel better - pain/illness is so defeating. I hope you'll feel better and stronger soon!

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    1. Fortunately, it was Thanksgiving weekend and Scott made a chicken and vegetables. I just threw all of the leftovers into a pot with rice and liquid and I've been eating it for 2 days. Really hope the healthful properties are real :-)

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  18. Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear you're still feeling quite poorly! Sending warm wishes your way and just rest, work will cope and still be there :)

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  19. Oh, dear! I've had family visiting from Ontario so I'm a bit behind on my Reader and had no clue you've been ill for five weeks. FIVE WEEKS! That's crazy long. Stay warm (I hear the temperature dropped in TO this past weekend), drink lots of tea and be well. On their way to you are all the positive health vibes I’ve got to spare.

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    1. Thanks Andrea. It's been a long few weeks...

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  20. And I complain when I get bronchitis. This sounds awful.
    Rest up, lovely lady, and don't worry about us. We're busy sending healthy thoughts your way.

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    1. Thank you Evie. And I'm thinking about your son...

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  21. I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well! Boo-Hiss to those nasty viruses! Loading up on antioxidants will help---blueberry juice, spinach, green tea etc. Glad you've got a strong immune system. Hopefully the knitting will calm your mind and help in your recovery as well!

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    1. Thanks Vic! Not doing so much knitting but it's a good way to distract myself from my misery.

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