Wednesday, January 19, 2011

This Exercise is Not for the Faint of Heart

Lord, let me tell you: Customizing a skinny-mini dress form to one's own relatively short-waisted, thick-front-thighed, round-stomached reality is rough. I spent the evening, with Scott, positioning and re-positioning custom-shaped foam pads aka evil, crappy dumplings of doom. What? It's my pet name.

I think I may need some therapy.

Apparently, I have body dysmorphia on the positive scale. In my mind I look as slender as a swan's neck. (Well, not any more.)

Don't get me wrong. I don't prize slimness above all else. I put a higher value on say, intelligence, charisma, sex appeal, style and, um, food (to name a few things). I know that being lean doesn't mean anything other than having a certain body shape. It doesn't bestow royal favours. It doesn't make you cuter, richer, hotter. It doesn't give you better orgasms.

And yet I'm having issues getting acquainted with the minutiae of my every curve, lump and shelf.

Here's the thing: You can't design for what you can't see. Or, to make this aphorism positive: You can only design accurately for what you can see. Blinkers off.

On an amusing note, Scott said: I can't believe you paid $800 bucks to undertake this misery. I would never have the nerve.

It's amazing what passes for bravery these days.


  1. A yes... the sight of myself masquerading as a dressform. It's enlightening.

  2. Well if your dress form makes you feel you're not slim I shudder to think what mine would make me feel like, properly adjusted.

  3. Huh?? Are you sure??? I was sure that when I got to my goal weight that I was going to get the golden ticket and I was counting on better orgasms. Maybe I need some therapy.;-)

    Evil, crappy dumplings of doom is a darling pet name. So much better than pookey bear!;-) And I do think you are brave.

  4. I wish you were right regarding begin lean doesn't make you cuter/hotter. Sadly, it does. I noticed that as I gained weight, men stopped noticing me completely and as I lost weight, I got more male attention. The attention makes me feel better about my body. That's just the way it is in this society.

    Better orgasms? You bet! When I'm thinner, I'm not as self conscious about my my rolls, I feel more sexy and sex is easier physically when you're leaner.

  5. I definitely could not do what you're doing, not today. Coming to terms with the reality of a week in Foodie Paradise, way too much eating out. I'll watch and admire from afar.
    (all the photos I've seen of you on the blog, though, suggest that if you've got any body dysmorphia at all, it's in imagining yourself larger than the rest of us see you)

  6. Dumplings of doom...I think I ate those once at the Chinese place down the street that was later shut down by the city for health reasons.

  7. P.S. Like you, my sister and I both suffer from what we call "reverse anorexia." Our image of ourselves is often better than what it is, making us the last to know when we really need to hit the gym or do other upkeep!

  8. How do you pad your form? I used cotton paddingand fusible interfacing to pad the hip area. You mentioned custom-shaped foam pads...

    Would love to learn more about it!


  9. aka evil, crappy dumplings of doom! I laughed so hard at this. I really enjoyed today's post, and can totally understand Scott's viewpoint. I keep putting off making a tape dress form until I've lost the weight I gained 'recently'. Think I'll need to bite the bullet soon. Might actually get me to start eating more sensibly. Thanks for the laughs, at least I've exercised my stomach muscles for the day :)

  10. I am very interested in knowing more about padding a dress form. Will you be showing pictures, or maybe a tutorial?

  11. LOL! I wish I could stand in a booth in wmy underwear and a few minutes later pick up my custom dressform for a reasonable price.

  12. Myrna: Your comment made me laugh out loud!

    Susan: It's rough. I'm not going to lie to you...

    Bel: Ha! OK, maybe you will be rewarded with the better orgasms. Don't lose hope.

    Sewsister: I really appreciate your comment and I appreciate your perspective. Forgive me if I find it depressing under the current circumstances :-)

    F: You are very kind. You know, you have to go through this experience to understand how it fucks with your mojo. I'm so surprised by my reaction.

    Wendy: EXACTLY! Those are the dumplings I'm talking about. And I love the term "reverse anorexia".

    MvK: Pls. see my next post which has some links. And feel free to email me with more questions.

    jade: I'm so glad it gave you some exercise! :-) I thought of putting it off too - but when does the right moment ever come. I say, just get it done with. And email me if you start to have a nervous breakdown. I'll talk you down.

    Faye: See my next post. I'd be happy to email in more detail with you...

    Carla: You and me both, sister!

  13. Scott is treading on dangerous waters :)

  14. Oh and my dress form has been mostly used for displaying items which I'd like to sell on eBay. Fitting clothes, occasionally . . . but not so much!

  15. A: You have no idea. And I love a dress form for display, fyi. It's like art.