The trajectory of a blog
is rather knowable, as it happens. One senses the ebb and flow. As a
serious reader - and a pretty conscientious contributor, for a decade,
give or take - I'm rarely surprised when the light dims in one of our
metaphoric spaces. And it's rarely without a considerable degree of
regret that I say good bye to one of my long-time blog friends.
I'm
not much of a mover-on. I've managed to invest myself in every loss
I've ever felt, at terrible personal cost, I might add. I hold fast. I
do not give up. And, damn, I love to talk. Good conversation is my drug
of choice. It's the thrum that underpins everything for me. And writing
is its right-hand man. To those of you who also write, I don't need to
speak of its delicious pleasures. What is more wonderful than words that
hang together?
Which
is why I find myself in the most absurd of situations - about to draw
the curtain on a decade of community. I've hesitated to commit to this
for weeks. I knew, when I took the new job, that my responsibilities
would be upended for a period of time. But I've also felt for months that my life
has called upon me, ever more, to Be Here Now. My kid needs me, my job needs me, my house needs me. My husband needs me. And I need space. The truth is that I have
as much to say as ever (for which I am so grateful), but I have no time
to say it (when I have energy) and no energy to say it (when I have
time). At at some point, one needs to recognize that the virtual -
though as real as anything real - cannot be prioritized.
I
want to say - and this is not a platitude - that I care tremendously
about you. Not "you", as in a spectrum of generalized readers. I mean
you. You have heard me. You've
commiserated when things have been truly hard. You've shared my joy and
successes so many times over. You've taught me lessons - metaphoric and practical - and you
know I love to learn. You've shown me wisdom when I've been at my wits'
end. You've indulged my ego. You've kindly set me straight.
You
are not an abstraction. My husband probably knows you by name - well by
blog name, that is. Your feedback shows itself in the clothing I wear
daily, in the crafting that comes a close creative second only to my
writing and communicating here.
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