That Post That Every Blogger Writes Eventually

The trajectory of a blog is rather knowable, as it happens. One senses the ebb and flow. As a serious reader - and a pretty conscientious contributor, for a decade, give or take - I'm rarely surprised when the light dims in one of our metaphoric spaces. And it's rarely without a considerable degree of regret that I say good bye to one of my long-time blog friends.

I'm not much of a mover-on. I've managed to invest myself in every loss I've ever felt, at terrible personal cost, I might add. I hold fast. I do not give up. And, damn, I love to talk. Good conversation is my drug of choice. It's the thrum that underpins everything for me. And writing is its right-hand man. To those of you who also write, I don't need to speak of its delicious pleasures. What is more wonderful than words that hang together?

Which is why I find myself in the most absurd of situations - about to draw the curtain on a decade of community. I've hesitated to commit to this for weeks. I knew, when I took the new job, that my responsibilities would be upended for a period of time. But I've also felt for months that my life has called upon me, ever more, to Be Here Now. My kid needs me, my job needs me, my house needs me. My husband needs me. And I need space. The truth is that I have as much to say as ever (for which I am so grateful), but I have no time to say it (when I have energy) and no energy to say it (when I have time). At at some point, one needs to recognize that the virtual - though as real as anything real - cannot be prioritized.

I want to say - and this is not a platitude - that I care tremendously about you. Not "you", as in a spectrum of generalized readers. I mean you. You have heard me. You've commiserated when things have been truly hard. You've shared my joy and successes so many times over. You've taught me lessons - metaphoric and practical - and you know I love to learn. You've shown me wisdom when I've been at my wits' end. You've indulged my ego. You've kindly set me straight.

You are not an abstraction. My husband probably knows you by name - well by blog name, that is. Your feedback shows itself in the clothing I wear daily, in the crafting that comes a close creative second only to my writing and communicating here.

It seems likely that I'll reclaim this space again. Lord knows I intend to when the opportunity presents itself. But it won't be what it has been - it never is. It won't be the thing I've dedicated myself to, multiple times a week, for a decade, unceasingly. So I want to acknowledge this loss. I want to acknowledge what this place has meant to me and what it will always mean to me - a sign of  commitment and creativity which brings community - my greatest joy. It's the place where I have come to know you and to be your friend. So thank you very much and much love. I mean this sincerely.

Wherein I Disclose that I'm Too Tired to Come Up With a Name for this Post

With the move of a few boxes, I've gone from the person who knows everything to the person who knows fairly little. I can't say I prefer the latter :-) Mind you, to feel this way is usefully humbling. It's challenging. It's exciting. It's novel. Sure, I can tell you that I've had some moments over the past couple of transition weeks, bridging former job and new, when my has brain said, "Isn't it time to sit quietly yet?", but I haven't been bored. Some people love that exhilarated tired-high that comes of intense physical exertion, I'm one of those who loves the sparky tired-high of intense mental exertion. Lord, I love learning. It gives me a literal buzz.

But, on some level, I'm holding it together with tape and paper clips. It seems that everything is converging (maybe it always is). I just go from one show to the next, invoking the part of myself that comprehends the subject matter at hand. So, in the interests of preserving very necessary slow burn, I won't be posting here often for the next month or so. I'm going to aim for once a week, but if I need non-work time to allow my brain to simply tick in the background, it may be less frequently still.

I have so many things to say - my life is incredibly rich with experiences right now - but I'll have to save the conversation for moments when I have vitality to spare. While I do miss posting often - posts are a conversation I have with myself, as much as with others - it's time to sublimate my writer energy into work projects for a while. If you've gotta be the person who knows everything - start as you mean to go on, I say. :-)

Well, Hello There...

It's been a while, I realize. I don't think I've gone this long without posting in the whole time I've been blogging (which is practically a decade).

I'm right on the cusp of completing Phase 1 of my most professional professional experience to date. Let's put the emphasis on the fresh, which is the complete opposite of how I feel right now. Knowing that I'm going to have to return to this project again, reasonably soon, is somewhat deflating. But I'd be lying by omission if I didn't say that I've kicked some serious ass, by my own standards, and I've received some pleasing recognition.

I've always been the smart one. I'm comfortable with that label. I love critical thinking and learning and problem-solving and achieving outcomes. Lord, I do love the end result. I am grateful every minute of every day for my cognitive buoyancy. But, man, did I push the limits over the last 8 weeks. There was no part of my brain that wasn't stretched to the edge, all the time. I worked constantly. I'm not embarrassed to say that I struggled a fuck of a lot. And while my work isn't going to result in world peace, I can hope that it will serve my fellow citizens in future. Not to mention that it's taught me ever more about my own motivations.

Right now I'm considering that age-old adage that, just cuz you can do something, doesn't mean you should. I'm trying to reconcile the sort of work I do at work with the sort of work I do at life and the pieces don't cleanly intersect. No freakin' surprise, I realize. I'm only the zillionth modern woman who's engaged with this conundrum.

In case you're curious, my pain condition has remained largely dormant, indicating to me yet again that, while stress is a factor in everything in life, pain for me is mostly about hormones and myofascial neurochemistry.

Mind you, my sense of self has been really eroded by the omnipresence of cortisol and adrenaline. Crafts have largely fallen by the wayside (don't worry, that's about to change). Friends are more of a construct than a reality right now. I haven't even had time to drink adequate quantities of wine (I'm so over any kind of weekday ban) because really, when one gets home at 10 pm, one does not have time to drink before bed?!

I'm taking 2 weeks off starting Monday. Till then, I'm wrapping up loose ends (of all the varieties - to wit, see pics below). I have some nascent sewing ideas that I do intend to put into action soon. Stay tuned for more about that... And on the boring (but weighing on me front), I also have to mend a couple of pairs of handmade socks (they'll be garbage soon, if I don't) and hem another pair of absurdly expensive jeans. I swear, I've lost all sense of balance when it comes to how much I spend on denim.

But really, what I've missed is the mental space - the time to be creative on my own terms, the time to do a really good yoga practice (that isn't only about shoring me up for the stress), the time to freakin' walk to work and stop in at my coffee shop to talk with my friends for 5 minutes while I have an espresso. The time to plan for fun.

Of course, an impending reno is not filling me with the sense of adventure I generally seek out. It's, um, a little too close to home. (BTW, don't ask about it. We're 10 weeks behind schedule and nothing is anticipated to start before August, which means we're going to live through this fucking tear down during a Canadian winter, God help me.) Plus, I've got some potentially expensive and time consuming activities I must undertake over the next couple of weeks - bureaucratic, expat-American stupidity. Whatevs, I'm not engaging till Monday. I just can't bring myself to worry about another fucking thing.

I'll leave you with a couple of photos of knitting projects I've completed over the last few weeks. It ain't much, or particularly exciting, but these little projects are my tether to the things that matter:

Foolproof Take 2 - I love the colour combo...

And, made with the same purple (as shown in the Foolproof Cowl above), here's a new pair of socks.

BTW, I'm in the middle of making a pair of striped socks (3 diff skeins of yarn) and it's NOT simple. I intend to write a tutorial post about how I've kept my sanity while making a small-diameter project, having colourwork, and knitted in the round. Seriously, they make self-striping yarn for a reason. Alas, it doesn't help one to use up small quantities of fingering stash yarn...

A Bug Story

Scott and M are in NYC for a few days over March break. While I cannot say that I'm in any way put out by this - work is crazy and I am exceedingly happy for the peace and quiet (aka not arguing with a 16 year old incessantly) - I did have a totally stressful experience about an hour ago. It involved yoga. And a centipede.

I cannot even type that word without feeling sick.

There I was, blithely considering what online class would suit my rather scattered post-work mood, and this horrifying, hairy bug just sidled up beside me. It wasn't even freaked out. Alas, when I observed it, not an inch away from me, I did freak out - and proceeded to spill the contents of my (mercifully, almost gone) Immune Booster (juice) shot all over my keyboard. Somehow the spa lifestyle has eluded me today, despite the many trappings.

As fast as I jumped, it ran out the sewga room door. And then I was trapped.

BTW, this isn't the first time this has happened. It is, however, the first time it's happened when my people are in a foreign country. You can imagine my dismay.

At any rate, I spent a few minutes considering my options. Staying in the yoga room for another 48 hours wasn't one of them. If nothing else I had soup on the stove. So I grabbed a shoe, shored myself up and peered behind the door. The fucker was gone.

Honestly, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. The idea of killing it was almost as sickening as the bug itself. I mean, to kill it, I'd have to get within a foot of it. Or a shoe, anyway. But not finding it meant I couldn't be rid of it. Everything started feeling like a bug was crawling on me. And, of course, I didn't know how I'd ever enter the sewga room again (despite the fact that the bug disappeared outside the room).

But then I did something unheard of. Truly. I decided to listen to the voices in my head - those of everyone who's ever tried to talk me off a ledge when I see a bug, those which told me that it was truly gone - as gone as a bug can be i.e. into the walls - and that I'm 2000 times its size and that it's more scared of me than I can ever be of it. And then I opted to take back the room.

God help me, I did yoga. Sure, I wore my glasses (which made me feel incredibly nauseous by the end because I spent the entire time compulsively staring at the door). And I didn't do savasana in the sewga room. I mean, I'm not insane. Yes, I ran out the door, at the end, stealthily looking behind me, prepared for the worst. And I actually feel more terrible now than before I started.

But dammit, I'm not stuck in a room for the next 2 days. That's a metaphor for you. Or something.

That's Better

Yesterday,  I left work mid-afternoon because I was feeling increasingly yucky. In truth, it's been coming. I've been working non-stop on every front. Not to mention that I've been eating every kind of rich food on the planet. I'm pretty well not interested if it doesn't have gluten, sugar, fat and alcohol.

Yes, I know that when one is as stressed as can be - when one is pulling 12 hour work-days and then planning a house reno, while preparing for Christmas - that's the time to pull out the health food. And if that's the kind of moderation you can swing while yet another person stops by with a homemade family-recipe treat, my hat is off to you.

Instead, I woke up on Friday morning - just on the cusp of the vacation I need desperately - feeling swollen, puffy, amorphously sore-throatish and my body hurt.

Classic, huh?

The diff between former Kristin and current Kristin is all attitude. I immediately set upon managing my illness anxiety. I drank a vat of water (though this is standard for me now). I meditated on my intrinsic healthfulness. I went to work to wrap up the loose ends and then, at my earliest opp, I came home. While I was in my office, I guzzled targeted varieties of herbal tea and took vitamins. I eschewed sugar. On returning home, I went to sleep immediately for 3 hours.  I would have extended that term but I had another party to attend at Portland Variety. When I woke, I did 20 minutes of a hybrid of MELT and Yoga-Tune Up, which was very effective at moderating the pain, if not diminishing it altogether.

Instead of walking to the party (would have taken 45 min in the cold), I Ubered it. And, man, it was the MOST fun ride. Randomly, we got the driver who brought Uber to TO. He's also a physio-therapist but he drives as a social experiment. It's how he met his girlfriend, a CEO of a tech company.  He commandeers a Tesla, a kind of stupidly expensive, electric car I've never seen in real life. Note: I don't care about cars and I wouldn't know one sort from another. But... This car had external door handles that pull out when the driver pushes a button. It had gorgeous leather seats. It was decked out with a large screen computer monitor on the centre dashboard. I felt a bit like Kim Kardashian!

I didn't linger after dinner and took another car home. Once consumed by couch-lock, I drank more water, watched an hour of 1938 version of A Christmas Carol and then went to bed.

I'm ok today. Yeah - I need to cool it. I intend to sit in my pjs, do some body work, drink water and eat light. I want to plan my holiday crafting projects - though, really, at this point it's all I can do to sit on my ass and knit a baby sock for a friend.

On the plus side - I have time and LOTS to talk about:

• The new "fun" lingerie (Scantilly set and a Curvy Kate babydoll) I bought in November that just arrived from UK yesterday (from 2 diff vendors). My goal was to review these in time for peeps to buy if the outcome was positive. That ship has sailed - thanks postal service. I haven't bothered to open the packages yet (SO not me) because, really, I'm too tired. But I know my mood will change as the weekend progresses.

• The reno. We've pretty well sorted out the model we intend to use - design-build with an independent architect to produce the plans (though iteratively with the design-build firm). We've got the peeps lined up - though we're still working through the scope and we hope to have contracts and to begin the design and permitting at the beginning of January. We're almost certain we don't have to go to the Committee of Adjustments again (we did that last time to confirm our gross floor area and we're not increasing the foot-print of our house) though this will be confirmed shortly. If we don't, that means we're on target to begin a serious renovation in May. Did I mention we're going to live here as they pull off a third of our house? Of course, forensic construction (we've been doing a lot of it because our home is more than 125 years old) has yielded a new, expensive glitch. But dammit, when I tell you all about what's going to improve, you're going to be impressed.

• My latest pair of socks, made from cashmere, merino and silk. Yeah, they're not the most durable but they feel like a million bucks. I made them in, like, 3 days and I have no idea of how because I have had no time even to pee over the last week. I sense that the reason for this is that my flicking technique has increased my speed and efficiency multiple times as my ability to enact it has improved. I also highly recommend flicking for those who have repetitive wrist and arm strain because it's much more ergonomic than throwing, if you're a committed right-handed knitter.

• The things I may sew over the hols. I'm not committing to this but there are a couple of garments I made during my last capsule stint - and they were great but the fit wasn't quite there. I want to remake those with improvements.

• The things I may knit over the hols. As you can tell, my arms are not bothering me, even as pain is top of mind over the last few days. 

• A follow up on pain management and what's up with me on that front. A few of you have commented or emailed me to request an update. I've been working to find my angle on this topic because, honestly, what haven't I done?? Furthermore, I sense that some of the improvement has been outside of my span of control (not that I'm undervaluing the many things I have done to precipitate improvement).  This topic is complicated but I started the discussion and I'm happy to continue it as soon as I can better detangle the many moving parts.

So that's me on a Saturday morning.

But what about y'all? Are you feeling festive? Are you "organized for the holidays"? (Like that's some kind of virtue that makes you a better human being?! Ugh.) Are you travelling soon and, if yes, is it to a fun destination? Are you going to craft your heart out over the hols?

Oh, and shout out to the peeps who have done major renos to unknowable century homes. Can you tell me about some good outcomes? Got any tips? Let's talk!

Seriously Quick Check In

Hey Peeps, I'm inundated with work from every corner: the day job, parenting, prepping for Xmas, the Etsy shop, a leadership course and an impending renovation (which takes up way too much time given that I haven't signed on any dotted lines yet). I expect things to calm down enough that I'll have the bandwidth to make some post appearances next week. In truth, I'm not very good company right now and I don't have much to recount.

I wish I could say I've got some sewing on the horizon. I don't.

But I do want to tell you - when next I write - about some new mitts I've made (they're blocking) and give you a run down of how my knitting process has become more refined (due to experience but also given that I have to be very selective about when and how much I knit - at the peril of inviting pain).

I might also go into some discussion about how the scope of the reno is shaping up.  Let's just say that it's good the bank seems willing to give us a ridiculous amount of money because, Lord...

Hope you are all well and that you're able to experience this time of year with celebratory intent.

PS: In that spirit, at least I haven't spent a third of this post complaining about the weather. Truly, I was tempted. xo

Quick Hello

Hey y'all - it's radio silence here because work has gone super nova. The last week has been non-stop and between life and work commitments, the next couple of weeks are going to be busy too. If you don't hear from me till then, that's why. Mind you, I do hope I'll get a few free moments in the meanwhile (wherein I'm feeling creative - with something interesting to say). You know how I like to announce a brief hiatus and then to write incessantly :-)

PS: It's dark in the mornings, the temp has dropped 8C and it's been raining for the last 2 days. Need I say more?

Good Luck

Today, I was scrolling through Twitter and came across this bit of genius from Lisa (a wise soul who knows from this kind of shit): Resilience can be built.

Gotta tell you, it resonated.

I've got about 8000 things going on that are stressing me the fuck out. The other day a friend suggested, on the basis of my latest parenting woes alone, that I should most definitely crowd-source a one way ticket to Tahiti. (I'm sure she means business-class.)

Look, if I were to enumerate my stressors, one by one, no doubt some of you would relate to me completely. Some of you, I imagine, would be horrified by the goings-on and feel sorry for me. And just as many others would look at that list and say: So? That's stupid stress. Honey, you've got it good.

One of the stranger legacies of my upbringing - and one against which I struggle against at times like these - is the ingrained fallacy of rightful good fortune. My parents, first-generation Americans, came of age in the era of the American Dream. Sure, they were saturated in the lesson that hard work would ensure success but they took it a few steps farther. To my family, good luck is a birthright. And truly, for many, many years, that claim seemed irrefutable.

Of course, if you look at things too carefully, there are micro-cracks in the veneer but, back in the day, there was always money for revarnishing. Alas, over the course of time, reality has occasionally leveled the playing-field. You know: cancer, deep grief, economic downturn.

But back to resilience. It can be built, which is another way of saying it is learned.

Every winter, Canadians relive this at a meta-level. Every year, at this time, we are confounded by the utter insanity of being alive in a place that is only artificially so. And while there are some who experience this lesson more viscerally than others, we are all in the same box. Our bodies learn how to adapt to temperatures which, two months earlier, would have been beyond our human ability to process, much less to endure.

Our bodies miraculously adjust; our minds, however, struggle on. To lose hope, in this environment, is a given. We cannot remember the charms of spring, and why? So that we can find resilience in the moment - in hardship.

When you are dragged under by the deepest ravages of winter (metaphoric or otherwise), find the stockpiles in your root cellar. Feel your adaptability. Because unlike good fortune (a fickle fairy who comes and goes on a gentle breeze), your resilience is your birthright. Own it and it will be your eternal good fortune. Or so I'm led to believe.

Slivers

Just a quick note to tell y'all that there's no predicting the creative spirit. As you know, I've been beyond apathetic when it comes to the majority of my hobbies lately, but that appears to be changing. In the last week I've purchased a new pattern (pdf for instant gratification, not that the assembly gives much of that), researched recipes for lotions, designed a label for my potions and I'm feeling rather compelled to knit.

I also bought a crazy, fancy blender - not for juice (though it juices - hell, this thing is so fancy it does your menu planning for you) but to make up those nut milk I'm addicted to. I've got some organic, raw cashews and almonds soaking now. Can't wait to blend ridiculous (and healthful) smoothie-like beverages - especially for my teenager who eats and drinks everything in sight, goodness notwithstanding. Chocolate always goes over well - even if it happens to be healthy. There may be a little addition of booze in the grown-up version, you know, simply in the spirit of experimentation.

Stay tuned for more...

Mash Up

Peeps, I'm checking in to tell you that I'm stressed. Between a cold (that lingered) and a month at work that has been relentlessly busy, I have very little energy to write. Mind you, I'm doing a lot of yoga still - which is probably keeping me sane.

A few weekend goals that are likely to fall by the wayside if anything more compelling grabs my attention (sitting on couch with glass of wine, for example):

• Finishing the last half sleeve of the Indicum and then blocking it. I ripped back one of the sleeves and redid it. That pissed me off. I'm not overly motivated. Mind you, now's the time to wear that thing...

• Making more Hudson pants. I used the rest of that grey fabric to make a pair for M and she loves them. Then I was compelled to buy 3 yards of fabric (black fleece, "denim" ponte and gunmetal ponte) to make more. My Fabrications order arrived from US to TO (via USPS) in 2 days. I love those people. Best client service ever and the shipping is a flat 20 bucks. Oh, and the fabric is terrific.

• Remaking this mash up dress I didn't like when I constructed it the first time, but which I wear because it's very comfortable and everyone loves it. I'd wear it more, if it weren't too small in the midsection. Note: It was always too small.

• Baking these. (Let's see if this is a gluten-free baked good I don't have to throw out...)

Sure, the garden is a disaster. I'd like to tell you I don't care. I care. But I don't care enough to spend half the day fixing it.

I'm trying to find some way to accept the incompleteness of everything - the disposition of things to fall apart (cuz the centre cannot hold, and all that). Of course, I'm not living through the horror and aftermath of war so it strikes me I should shut up and buck up. This is the way it goes. How will I come to terms with the fundamental nature of disorder?

I guess this is why I'll never be bored in this life. But will I ever be content?

Glassy-Eyed

So it's slow here peeps - cuz it's fast everywhere else - but I thought I'd check in to say a few things...

1. I got new glasses. Everyone says they look terrific - that I seem younger and French - but I feel vaguely clownish. Moreover, I am middle-aged clownish, having been prescribed (and having purchased) progressives. If you don't know what these are, then count yourself lucky. Effectively they're trifocals, designed to allow me to see my knitting on one plane, my computer on another, and the world at large on the third. That's the idea, anyway. Alas, I don't seem to be able to see anything at any distance (not an uncommon thing when introduced to this style of lens that, among other things, diminishes peripheral vision notably) and my depth perception is on a drug trip. This would be less concerning if I hadn't spent so much money on them that you'd be utterly horrified. Seriously, I'm rarely horrified and I'm horrified. More to come, natch, but (happily), despite the prescription change on all fronts, they aren't causing headaches.

2. Unfortunately, just cuz new glasses are not causing headaches, it doesn't mean I'm not totally on the edge for hormonal reasons. I've got my whole body muscle spasm prodrome going on. It's been tough on this front for the last month or so, but that's how it goes. I refuse to suffer in the name of pain. Pain is my body's resistance to its temporary reality. So be it. I've decided to approach all of my experiences with gratitude because this is the only life I have, the only body I have and I will not wish away the time. It's humbling to find that I cannot even lie over a bolster or do a forward bend that isn't stabilized by 2 cedar blocks under my head but it's a lesson in acceptance. If only I could accept the look of my stomach these days... (I'm working on it.)

3. And, a propos of body acceptance, I'm making the Nettie bodysuit. I couldn't wait. It's quite slow going cuz a) I'm slow and b) what's the rush? I had to modify the pattern, per my shape, extensively. I cut the 12 (recognizing that I should have gone up a size re: info from Heather Lou about sizing on the pattern purchased before May 10). It's fine, though, cuz I used my sloper pieces and I simply changed all the relevant bits. In shoulders I was a modified size 12 (10 in some parts, 14 in others) In the bodice, I am veering towards a 14 (I think) that goes to a 12 - and even a 10 - as I near the derriere.

I sense this pattern is quite forgiving, given that it's designed for very stretchy knit. But it is not drafted for someone of my proportions, out of the envelope, which is why I'm so grateful to know how to alter knit patterns to fit me. This one's a wild card because it's a bodysuit that snaps at the crotch. I recognize that I'm making a muslin and that's cool. Despite constant fabric purchases of the early part of this year, I have so little rayon jersey lying around that I had to cut my fabric in every direction possible. I'm ok with that. It's 4-way stretch and I'm not going to waste "almost enough" good fabric. Especially since this is a test garment. Apparently, I can't stock jersey fast enough... I did manage to cut the garment with about a yard of fabric, vs. the 1.5 yards that the pattern calls for.

I'll write more on this when the garment is complete, but I've made modified 3/4 sleeves (I didn't have enough fabric for longer ones) and a neckline that straddles the high and scoop necks that the pattern provides. I copied the Lady Skater neckline which, frankly, is the most flattering home-sewing pattern neckline I've found thus far. I also shortened the bodice by 1 or 2 inches (can't remember), equally on both front and back.

More to follow on this when I have an outcome.

Every time I mention that posting will be slow to non-existent, it seems to presage a phase of mad writing, but I'm going to say it anyway since, for the next 2 weeks, I've got much to accomplish that has nothing to do with sewing or knitting.

Once the vacay starts, I imagine I'll be so amazed by my new environment that there will be much to say.

Till next time...

When Plans Overtake Planning

While this isn't a regular occurrence, it's become apparent that I've overextended myself. Yeah, I've got a great summer crafting plan. The challenge is that I've also got SO much fucking stuff to do, I'm having difficulty fitting it into the day, and that's before the crafting.

I do not like to miss deadlines. I'm a planner to my core and I take it seriously. And yet, let's get a grip, this is my freakin' hobby. Oh, it's the most robust, tripartite hobby ever (IMO): sewing, knitting, blogging. But in the next month I've got things afoot at work, a house to summer-up (and it's not going well given my total apathy and how much the winter trashed things), a kid to get through grade 8 grad, a kid to pack up for a month to go to see my parents in NC, (theoretically) some serious house repairs - or potentially big reno - to plan (no one's returning our calls) and a really big-deal birthday experience for my husband. He's about to turn 50.

Have I ever told you how much I love being the younger woman?

I can go into a small amount of detail about the party-planning, which began before my mother's illness (she's doing very well these days, happily!), shut down as I had other things to think about and picked up again after Xmas. While I was to keep a very big vacation a very big secret, in the end, I went with the Alain Botton (highly, and likely incorrectly, paraphrased) philosophy: Travel is 30 per cent in the planning and anticipation, 50 per cent in the memory and 20 per cent in the momentary experience. I've given my husband some inkling of what's to come, but not the full story.

Let's just say, I've got secrets packed within secrets and the one he knows about is Europe. We're going to Provence, Languedoc and Barcelona for an intensely-needed recharge. But what I've got to do before we get on that plane falls within the spectrum of superhuman (given where I'm at energetically, right now).

Of course, there's much more to this story. It's an epic story. And I'm sure you'll hear the fun parts over the next month and a bit.

What you may not see much of is finished objects. Which is why it's good I call the shots in this universe. Let's think of Summer Crafting as a Summer-Fall experience. On the plus side, I won't need to figure out where to store a bunch of new-made things too quickly.

Guns Ablazin'

I'm running on so much adrenaline right now, I feel I have the heart of a gerbil. Honestly, who needs cocaine when you have my natural predisposition.

Lord, where to start?

Well, everything on the planet arrived by post today. That hideous bridesmaid dress redo from my sister? Check. 63 swatches of fabric? Check. New fabric from Fabrications? Check. New jeans (story to follow below)? Check.

Then there's the fact that y'all are fantastic and you've made my foray into leather (does that sound dirty?) a super-fun, totally relatable experience. I've got a lot to tell on this topic, but I just want to say thank you to every person who's taken the time to tweet, comment, email or call. It's because of your support that I have every intention of making not only a skirt but also a bag!

The Leather Files

Last night I researched the best prices (not that there are so many options with a refurbished machine from 1978) for a walking foot and a roller foot for my Viking 190. I've now got both on delivery. Etsy, peeps. It's your friend.

I also bought cold tape (on Gail's advice) it's an adhesive twill tape, made for soft leather, to stabilize seams.

Many of you have suggested great sites for bag patterns. Hot Patterns and Bag'n-telle are two great places to start, as are your Pinterest pages. Um, apparently I wasn't a member of Pinterest until yesterday. I think I got it mixed up with Instagram (which I also don't use).

Sara and Gail told me I'd have to sign up for Making Leather Bags (Don Morin) on Craftsy. I'm not known for my frugalness, but after having spent a bomb on everything leather, I told them it would go on the list for the next sale. Um, the Craftsy peeps, who are always trying to get me to buy, sent me a 12-hour sale coupon this afternoon and I got the 50 dollar course for $19.99. The website pleasantly informed me that it's a savings of 61%. It was hard not to buy every other class that Craftsy teaches, but really, I don't get enough use out of them in general.

Now, while I love the idea of making a bag, as you can see, I do not think I'm going to do it with the very soft electric blue lambskin. I don't think that fabric will have enough stability; it's perfect weight for a pencil skirt and really, I know how to make a skirt from my TNT. I need to put in the time with some other leather (and vinyl to start!) before I think of spending material of that quality on a bag of my own making.

Mind you, if I have a knack with bags, I think we may have a new compulsion to write about.

The Bridesmaid Files

How little can I say about this? The dress arrived. It's horrid. The fabric from India (extra to remake the bodice) still isn't here, but this is a start. I've got to pick the dress bodice from the skirt (which is fortunately so big that I can reuse it) but I don't think I'll start till the other fabric gets here.


The Jeans Files

OMG people, OMG. OMG. I did something crazy - bought jeans, sight unseen from America - both an expensive and crazy experiment - and I won!

I did send them to my mother for delivery to me in TO, because Nordstrom - while they like to tell you they're in it to win over Canadians - charges 30% more (for shipping and non-refundable brokerage) and they cannot tell you how much it will cost to return an item until you've bought it. Yeah, you read that right. I was told there would be a brokerage-determined restocking fee, that they'd be able to advise me about when and if I were to undertake the return process. Um, fuck that, Nordstrom.

This is the post that convinced me I had to try. (Note: I discovered afterwards that blogger is 6'2".)  Look, that woman is the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen, but I have to say, I think the jeans look better on me.

I DO NOT KNOW how they can make me a willowy sexpot?! My ass is awesome. My stomach flat. My legs are elegant pins. The denim is fantastic. The construction is better. If I can say all of this given how I feel 80 per cent of the time these days, you know these things are a must-have. Really, I might need to try another style soon.

OK, TO ladies, do not despair. There's a new store that opened up on College and they sell the full, fabulous line. Alas, the price tag is $160 pre-tax in our town. But, had I known, I would most definitely have bought locally. At the boutique (the name of which I cannot remember), I did try on the same style I bought online (Lauren)- and I was pretty pleased to see that I'd called it right on the size. This was a very enjoyable online experience.

The Fabric Files

These are my newest woven fabrics (meant to simulate the burgundy fabric I used to make the original Rosie Top muslins) which I'll use to make the next versions of the fledgling Rosie:

Garnet Silk Rayon from Fabrications

That online thumbnail does not do justice to this beautiful (and not dissimilar) fabric. And the natural stretch content is perfect.

Patterned Rayon from Fabrications

This rayon fabric is also lovely, but the stretch content and drape are not the same. Since this was my muslin fabric option, I suppose it'll be fine, but I'm not going to be able to extrapolate as well from it, fit-wise, as I would like.

Oh, and really, nice rayon is great fabric, but it has nothing on silk crepe.

Given that I'm not into reds, I find it interesting that I've gone for 2, predominantly red fabrics. I wonder what that means... Note: They're reds that work with my complexion.

The Swatch Files

I wish I had the energy to photograph the ZILLIONS of gorgeous swatches I have to consider. I never intend to be without adequate stash again (muahhahahaha). I'm sure more to come on this topic.

So that's me today. I'm happily overwhelmed by creative endeavours and things to learn. And I didn't even tell you about the new sweater I started knitting over the weekend!??!??!? Well, that's what the next post is for.

Today's questions: Have you tried IT Collective denim and, if yes, what did you think? How do you like my new fabrics? What do you think of my idea to get new leather for a bag? Let's talk!

Exceedingly Briefly

a) I am ridiculously tired and my arm still hurts like a bitch. I'm off to do some yoga, maybe weight-bearing, to keep the area stretched and to improve circulation. If the internet is anything to go on, it's the tetanus portion of the DPT shot that heightens the pain and causes it to linger. Not that this supports my informal vaccine campaign, but I've read it's the most hurty of the immunization shots. All of my recently vaccinated friends have corroborated this. Don't worry though - they're all fine and their arms work perfectly well! And they won't die from complications of pertussis.

b) I've decided to use my T shirt sloper armscye and sleeve dimensions to alter the size 10 Demi-Drape top before I cut or trace it. Interestingly, the curve of the armscye on the Demi-Drape is not so different from that of my sloper. But I'll have to narrow the shoulders by about an inch which is going to make things a bit tricky in terms of knowing how to alter the shoulders of the cowl front piece. The cowl sits atop the front shell but I think it might wrap to the back shell at the shoulder when sewing. I hate spatial reasoning. There are a couple of good posts on this top which I will definitely go back to and read.

c) The reason I don't have the Bengaline from StyleArc is that they didn't send it to me, although it does clearly appear on the order form. So they're express shipping it now. Wonder how long it'll take to get an express package from Australia. If regular mail is anything to go on, let's talk again mid-Feb.

So Many Possibilities

OK, today, I've got a ridiculous amount on the agenda - I wonder if it's actually going to happen (or if I'm going to conk out and watch Law and Order reruns for 5 hours).

• Gotta take pics of the new Harper Jacket for posting soon. The prob right now is that the light is SO weak, it's tough to take a picture that shows any detail. This is the worst time of year for that.

• Gonna make another Harper Jacket in this fabric. It does curl, but I have a couple of tricks up my sleeve. Of course, it means I'm going to have to freakin' pattern-match. Can I say how much I'm grateful that there are only 6 separate pieces to seam together.

• I haven't forgotten about Scott's gloves (I wrote a post on them but haven't put it up yet). While my body is tired (not the best time for knitting), I'm continuing to work on this project slowly. Maybe today I'll do an hour or so. Good news, this is compatible with Law and Order.

• This is the craziest thing. I'm going to try to video myself showing and talking about magic loop for the upcoming KAL. I have no idea if this is going to be illuminating or disastrous, so don't get your hopes up. Fortunately, between what I can write about my experience, and what I can link you to online, this is a "nice to have".

• Oh, and Scott and M want spaghetti Bolognese for dinner. So theoretically, I'm going to spend an hour or two making that.

• Yoga - that must be prioritized today as I've not practiced since Thursday and my body is feeling it.

When I look at this list, I'm struck by how it involves so many of the things I love to do: photography, sewing, knitting, cooking, yoga. If only I didn't have to weekend-warrior it. (Of course, I'm incredibly grateful for my career, it's just taking up a lot of mental energy right now, particularly through the work week.)

So, let's take bets. What will I accomplish today? All of it, some of it, none of it? And what's on your agenda for the day? Let's talk!

Wherein I Begin and End in Different Languages

Zut alors. Still sewing the fucking dog's breakfast of a latest prototype (did I mention I've managed to spend another 200 bucks on bra supplies during the last month?) and, this time, I suspect it's gonna be too small.

Well, at least we're moving in a new direction.

Version 5 of the upper cup most definitely did not work. I know cuz I tried it twice before I went back to redrafting the 6th version of the upper cup (which I do have a lot to say about). I think it's the right shape, but I cut it slightly too small. It took me all of last night to envision exactly how I could cut it larger (without recreating the original problem). Now we'll see if I've called that right. I suppose that'll be version 7.

In brief, version 6 does attach the upper cup to the strap - everyone's preferred bust-lifting technique. Here's hoping I can sew through all of those layers when I'm attaching the straps! Don't worry, I've got the hammer out.

I'm going to be honest. I've got one more kick at this can and then it's back to the cupboard for the bra sewing supplies. I spend every waking minute (when I'm not managing my job which is currently through-the-roof busy) thinking about bra making and it's getting old. I know I've made strides, but the only stride I care about at this point is a fucking bra that fits and lifts and supports. This is once again verging on a miserable experience so, one more go and basta.

Plus ça change...

It seems only yesterday I wondered where to begin. And here I am again - about 10 posts behind (from an info-sharing perspective anyway) - somehow in the same boat.

For starters, I just returned from a 10 day vacation to Mtl and Quebec City. It was truly delicious, in no small measure because it's about the only decent weather I've experienced in, um, what seems like forever. There's much to relate about this trip (posts to follow), but it was somewhat anticlimactic to return to a wet basement a propos of the flash floods in TO on Monday. I don't want to get overly long-suffering. Our basement didn't flood with sewage (we've experienced that before) or even as extensively as those of many around us (and to the south of us), but it's not exactly fun to come home to reality writ-large, especially after so much relaxation and enjoyment.

In addition to eating and drinking my face off (Lord, the debauchery), I've spent the last couple of weeks focused on the changes in my body as they relate to the migraines I spoke about in my last post. Of course, one doesn't quickly detangle the complexity of biochemistry, but I did have the chance to consider things outside of the perspective of my normal life. I'm not parenting at the moment (kid visiting my parents). I'm not working. I barely looked at a computer in 10 days - can't say that's happened to me in the last decade. Holidays bring new beds and lots of walking aka structural distinctions. Natch, I have new thoughts on the matter (constantly) and I'm sure you'll hear them in time, for better or worse. Of course, this isn't a blog about perimenopause (thank your lucky stars), so I'll aim to keep my discussions of those epiphanies in check. Mind you, I suspect that my experience is not uncommon and, if I can share some new ideas they will assist others.

I do want to say, thank you, once again for your awesome comments and information on that last post. I've listened to all you have to say and, among other things, I've bought books and magnesium oil (weirdly, it's not actually an oil but a solution of evaporated magnesium chloride). I'm a couple of months into the B2/magnesium cocktail and, while this month isn't the best benchmark, I haven't had a serious or long-standing headache in this post-ovulatory phase.

But enough about that - let's talk about holiday shopping (everybody's favourite type, yes?)

As you know, I'm in a make vs buy mode lately, but there are a few basics best left to RTW, in my opinion, and I was in the market to replenish. Which items fall into this category?

• Shoes (though I really do wish I could make my own!)
• T shirts (sure, you can make them, but RTW has access to the best fabrics for this purpose)
• The slim, cropped-esque, fitted cardigan

A propos of the slim cardigan, alas, one cannot make this. Even if your tension is flawless, you can't knit on needles small enough to produce such a garment. Furthermore, the best of these cardis come in the most bizarre (and niche) fabrics - many of them milled in exotic European locales for high-end brands. It's that amazing textile which produces a perfect slender knit with beautiful recovery.

These are the workhorses of the sweater wardrobe and I have been managing, suboptimally, on the fumes of my last purchases, some years ago.

I decided, on this trip, I was not going to skimp. I don't spend a lot of money on clothing these days (not that I begrudge those who do - who doesn't appreciate peeps who have the means to stimulate the economy in such a way, and to look great while doing so?) so when I restock, I aim to buy the best I can afford.

The slim sweater is one of those items, I've observed, on which many try to get a deal: it's eternally necessary, one requires it in a number of neutral shades and sleeve/hem lengths, it sits at the bottom of one's bag when not in use, the rest of the time it's in heavy rotation, through all seasons.

We often have this idea that layering pieces are disposable, but they're keystones. Perfect stretch recovery, elegant lines (crew or v neck), the most flattering length, precise fit in the shoulder, snugness through the waist - these garments aren't meant to bag! - an ability (nonetheless) to do up buttons without gaping. I don't know how one can expect to find all of this in a cheap-and-cheerful cotton or synthetic blend. And the more one diverges from the Big Box slopers (generally large in the shoulders and quite narrow in the bust), the harder it gets.

Pilling, fading and over-stretching are not the fate of a well-made (though almost certainly pricey) layering cardigan.

At the risk of inciting suspense - and also because I need to find some photos of my new purchases (or to photo them myself) - I'll be back to show you what I bought.

What I can say is that Theory and ça va de soi are my go-to brands - and the ones I found success with on this trip.

Today's questions: Do you have a fave brand for layering basics? Do you agree that spending is the path to a good product (when it comes to this kind of garment) or do you have a go-to brand which works fabulously and which doesn't break the bank? Have you bought ça va de soi? It's a fantastic Canadian brand but I'm not sure how much exposure it has outside of TO and Montreal.

PS: One other quick thing - my aim is to reorg my blog slightly over the next little while (add an About Me section and set up a section of "highlight" posts for new readers). First off, I've opted to remove my blog links section. Of course, this isn't because I don't utterly love all of the blogs that are listed therein. But some of those blogs are not active any longer. Furthermore, I can barely stay on top of all the new blogs I love (which are not represented in the links section). You know, times change and I'm shaking it up.

This is a good time to mention, I suppose, that I don't "follow" any blogs but I do link to all of you via RSS feed. While following is a fun way to link to blogs, it's an additional layer of administration, the semiosis of which (IMO) is a kind of favouritism I don't really get with. My concern, having theoretically followed one blog (on a day when that seems like a fun idea) is that, when I neglect to follow another (and I will), it means something intentional (and it doesn't). I know how to find you all through my handy feed (more to the point, your posts find me), and that's how I make sure to stay on top of all you've got to say. Pls. don't read anything into my follow-free philosophy!

Heart Versus Head

Ah, where to begin. There was a fire in my office building last night which is the only reason I have time to write at the moment. (Note: My understanding is that no one was hurt; it occurred in the middle of the night.) Working from home has its advantages.

Here's the thing, I'm struggling a little bit. Don't misunderstand - I have a fantastic life and I'm not depressed (like I was in the dark-night Prednisone-moment of last winter), but I would definitely say that this has been a year of suboptimal health.

I'm motivated to ensure that this blog doesn't become Kristin's Litany of Endless Complaints, not to mention that one's health is a delicate matter from the perspective of public discourse. But I'm all about telling it like it is, and it is somewhat tricky right now.

To dispel any erroneous speculation, I am largely in perfect health. The lingering symptoms of pertussis are all but gone - fatigue being the main hold-out. Of course, modern life is an adequate cause of mega-fatigue, I'm well aware. But this is above and beyond.

Never mind exhaustion (though it is germane and I'll return to it), I've been managing some pretty whack headaches for the last couple of years, as some of you know. I first got migraines in puberty. Yoga resolved them. My next bout was around the time I had my daughter. I assumed they were a symptom of tension at that time (though I do realize that migraines are not caused by tension). Eventually they went away. Then, at about the age of 41, they returned anew with gusto. And let me tell you, they've been a motherfucking bitch.

My "original" migraines present with prodrome - namely ocular hallucinations - and I am often able to stave off serious pain because I take Advil and go to sleep immediately. Note that this sort of migraine produces a variety of responses. For me, my brain gets scrambled and the only thing I can do is go to sleep immediately. It's a reboot response. Fortunately, these do not occur often but they do leave me with a high degree of light and noise sensitivity.

In addition to these headaches, I often get what I have assumed to be very bad, days-long tension headaches. What I've recently learned - having gone to see a specialist about this - is that those headaches are migraines too. I didn't realize that because I assumed that, as a migraineur who experiences prodrome, all of my migraines would follow that pattern of symptomology. Apparently, one can experience classic (with prodrome) and common (without prodrome) migraines. Lucky me.

Why did I go to see a specialist? Well, recently, I got a migraine that presented differently than the usual. It affected my speech centre and my doc wanted to rule out anything serious. (Of course, there's a point to be made that, when you're dealing with life-altering pain on a semi-regular basis, you should probably see a specialist.)

We all sense that my latest bout of misery is being steered by the hormonal changes of peri-menopause, something that I started to experience in a variety of ways at the age of 40. Yeah, I know it's really early. Whatevs.

Anyway, the specialist sent me for an MRI (results will be back in a while and then the doc's on vacation till the end of July), something I wouldn't recommend for fun, but a very useful and necessary experience which docs expect will yield a normal, happy brain.

Now, here's where it gets fun...

There is a class of drugs for migraines called triptans. They're little miracle pills, from what I understand, and - while I've never considered them as a treatment option in the past, times call for measures, you know. These drugs aren't silly. One must not abuse them.

For better or worse, I won't have a chance to even try to abuse them, however, because I have a long-standing heart arrhythmia that contraindicates my being able to take them. So... My neurologist sent me for a consult with my cardiologist to discuss the matter. He concurred that the triptans are not in my future - but also scheduled a new battery of tests as part of my regular maintenance regime.

I had this really weird moment (while at the Cardiology wing at TGH on my 43rd birthday) when it occurred to me that, at the age of 43, I should not have a freakin' cardiologist - much less a neurologist?!?!

Needless to say, I've been called to meditate on this matter. Both doctors are against my managing my pain with ibuprofen because it doesn't target the right receptors and it's very bad for one's stomach lining. They both suggest the same treatment cocktail, however, quite progressively, IMO, for allopathic doctors: 600 mg of magnesium and 400 mg of B2 over 4 times throughout the day. It's prophylactic. One must do this every day and will not know if it works for 3 months. It does tend to produce response from hormonally-induced migraines, apparently. NOTE: Do not try this at home. These dosages are high and must be monitored.

Of course, while my stomach has never had the slightest bit of trouble with lots of ibuprofen, it can't handle the high dose of magnesium, so I'm struggling with this remedy. I'm like my own Alanis Morissette motif.

So, if you're still following this maze of ideas, I've got really bad, semi-regular headaches (they tend to come right after ovulation, in case you're interested, and can last a week in a bad cycle) and no option of pain medication. What's a girl to do?

Well, my friends, I think this is my friendly call to attention. You may know that I am a fairly compulsive person. I rarely stop moving and planning and working. I NEVER stop thinking and, you know, my brain is so tired. So, so tired. In any given week I work full-time, deal with a teenager who is truly pressing every button I have (that's a whole other story I don't intend to indulge in this blog), manage a household, blog @5 times, knit and sew and plan complex projects for both of these plus I document the activities.

I have woefully little time, between all of this, to do the amount of serious and restorative yoga I sense I need to do to get a grip on a health concern that, while it won't kill me, is making my life intermittently miserable. If the headaches are being caused by hormones, I could be in for 7 more years of this. That's not gonna fly. As it is, pain makes me mean because it comes between me and everything else. It's a hazy filter that complicates everything.

I've decided to make some lifestyle changes, not ones that I look forward to, in an effort to restore some much needed equilibrium. The first of these is to take a break from blogging for a couple of weeks. I truly don't know how I'm going to do this. I love you all, no word of a lie, and communicating with you is my joy. But writing takes lots of thinking and, you may recall, I've got to rev down where I can.

I've also got to stop sewing and knitting like a nut. I know I can make 5 garments in 5 weeks, and a suit in 7 weeks. I know I can adhere to any schedule I set because that's who I am. Maybe you know this about me now too. I've got to stop competing with myself to construct and to meet the obligations of the next cool series I fabricate on a whim. Many blogs we read and love are written by people with more time and energy than currently I have. While I might say I wish I had more time, I also have a rich, full life and I do not want to overthrow work or family and friends. With only so much energy, I must prioritize.

Prioritization sucks.

So, I have decided, as of this time, a) not to make a suit in the fall b) only to knit on the train to and from Quebec - all other holiday time is reserved for other activities and c) to make the Cherry Bomb lingerie set, the Guernsey shawl and to complete the Boucle Jacket in whatever time it takes me over the next 8 weeks. (Lord, this time management shit - it's like a sickness...)

I don't know how all of this is going to work. I'm not exactly looking forward to these lifestyle adjustments but I'm at an impasse. So please, bear with me. I'll be back - hopefully with a considered plan of action - in mid-July.

Or, maybe the point is, this time the plan has to find me for a change.

Brief Update

Hey peeps: Things here are remarkably busy these days and I have a few exceptional things on the go (which I must prioritize). By the time I have 2 minutes to write, I'm too tired to do anything other than lie on the couch - and my headache has been acting up (for want of a better way to refer to one's semi-regular migraine). Please bear with me. I'll write when I can (really, I have lots to say) but posts may be sporadic for the next week or so.

I Know Why It's Called Spring

Too tired to write much - and my arms can't type super well, what with the 2 hours of mulch-laying that I just completed. Let me just suggest that, the next time your landscaper asks you if you can manage the mulch because she's short on staff, seriously consider saying no. Now I know why my bill is always in excess of what I imagine it should be. (Note to reader: My landscaper is fantastic, if short on staff. I'd totally recommend her so email if you have an urban TO garden and you're looking to beautify it.)

This puts my gardening efforts at more than a dozen hours over the last 3 weeks. (I always spring-clean and fall-close my garden but, because I have no car, it's useful to have the help of peeps with trucks.) If it all wasn''t looking so fantastic, I'd be underwhelmed. The window-washers came on the weekend. There hasn't been a drop of rain since last week (hallelujah) and the bright sun and blue sky and vivid colours of the spring, well, springing, is nothing short of life-affirming.

I can tell you a few things that age has taught me:

• Update your vaccines.
• Buy the best you can afford (but know that you can find excellence at a lower price if you're willing to do the research).
• Bring in qualified -and insured - professionals once a year to clean your windows. No, don't try to do it yourself unless you're in a bungalow (those ladders are high!). Don't leave windows to gather dirt till you can't see through them any longer. Clean windows will revive your home like little else.

From my vantage point, it's pretty hard to complain. I've got spotless windows and two gardens with gorgeous, growing things. Though this winter was very hard on my outdoors, I'm betting on some plants to rally.

We were going to do a lot of things this summer:

• Pull off the back of the first floor back room and replace it with French doors
• Go to Berlin and Amsterdam
• Visit up north with friends

Those are not going to happen. Why?

•  I don't have the energy, this year, to deal with another reno (not to mention the funds). As we now suspect the back room may have structural issues, we're opting to leave it another year (at which point we'll reno the kitchen at the same time - or so I'm saying now). It's gonna be a big fucking project. It can wait.

• A propos of funds, I don't know how I can spend thousands on Europe when I'm expecting to undertake a major reno in the medium-term. Alas, my Euro adventure must wait a couple more years.

• My kid goes to North Carolina, to visit my parents, but not till the 29th of June. That's one day into the long weekend over which some great friends will be traveling to visit some other great friends in the Collingwood area. Furthermore, my husband and I are aiming to go to Montreal and QC on July 1 (the other side of that long weekend). We'll have to see how this all plays out to fit into my husband's increasingly busy work schedule. (Not that I'm complaining about lots of work.)

On an unrelated, but happy, note: My latest Vogue patterns arrived - in the nick of time for the Five in Five (which theoretically begins on May 10). I'm pretty sure I know which ones I'm going to use for this bracket of the Summer Series. I ordered them on April 18. Good thing I planned ahead.

Today's questions: Do you garden (balcony, urban, vegetable etc.)? What's your favourite aspect of the activity? Or, for the non-gardeners/sewists, does it take more than 3 weeks for Vogue Patterns to reach you?