Saturday, June 28, 2008

Next Up

My dear friend Sandra is one of those intently capricious people who shifts direction, in matters large and small, with nary a second guess. (You know the type: Here today, Middle East tomorrow...) Boredom loiters like a gnat on a peach and she knows just how to squash that sucker.

Me, not so much. I tend to kick at things again and again, long after I might have been better off moving on. Except when it comes to the beauty regime. On this topic, I have learned from the mistress, and - let me tell you - if you're a potion you have about 10 minutes to make me gorgeous before I'm done. Transform me - or I will cut you. Cuz I don't have time for this shit. :-)

Do you sense a rant about cellulite cream on the horizon?

The freakin' bottle is supposed to last 2 weeks and I've been following the directions but, at this rate, it's never going to finish and I'm so tired of slathering on (admittedly nice smelling) sticky goop day after day. Not to put to fine a point on it but, given the texture of this stuff, I'm starting to understand why the container looks so phallic...

Note to reader: As yet, I do not appear to have the backside of Laetitia Casta.

Ok, so I'm not going to stop this minute. I do have that bikini to consider and a vacation that begins tomorrow in the great north strong and free. And, theoretically, it's going to turn into summer and I'm going to be frolicking in next-to-nothing for a week, so this stuff has a brief reprieve. But, if you put me in a focus group right now, I'd be the irritating naysayer. So hold on to your wallets kids. (I've got this new face cream I want you all to try...)


  1. Hopefully the thing starts doing its job, admittedly late already.

  2. I'm going to slap that cream with my orangutan arms.

  3. Like I said, hit the Evian and tell the Mr. to find his riding crop. That way, even if the cellulite doesn't disappear you'll have had a hell of a lot of fun!

  4. Jill: I'll let you be the first to know I've caved. Not one gob of goop was lovingly massaged the entire vacation week! (I'm sure you'll read the long story on the blog...)

    Enc: Your orangatan arms rock!

    SKM: From now on, it's bondage all the way :-) Does gin do the same thing as water???