Step Up to the Plate

Recently, I've been soaking up some fine blog fodder about January health regimes and juice fasts. I mean, the only thing I love more than "advising" people how to eat (without any accreditation, as you know), is learning about the food habits of others. I mean - she says with melodrama - it is the thing that connects us all. (Well that and a visceral hatred of telemarketers.)

Bel and I managed to continue the discussion via email. One topic of conversation led to another and another, whereupon I presented her with a (long and overblown) primer on my preferred style of eating. After that, Miss C emailed to ask me about hunger and blood sugar, two things about which I have masses of first hand experience!, and finally it twigged. I mean, why not inflict provide you with the fruits of my eating experience?!

You can just click off now if that makes you want to bang your head against a wall. Because I don't do food posts brief-style.

What I want to explain is not a recipe or even a style of cuisine. It's not a diet or a gimmick. I like to call it a methodology. Just to make is sound fancier. I should also disclose that there is no conceivable way that I have devised this; I've simply discovered it for myself. So, if y'all know about a book or culture that maxes out on this concept, I probably borrowed it unwittingly .

I introduce you to: The Stoner Plate.*

*drugs optional

Of course, in my house we use the term affectionately to describe:

• A beautiful dish or plate (one that completely aesthetically appeals)
• 3 - 6 beautiful and complementary, simple foods (or food combinations) which are generally, but not necessarily, cold or raw
• A good blend of healthful fat, protein and carbs...
• ...Which must also be completely delicious (or what fun is life?)
• A lovely beverage (not sweet) and/or a glass of wine (5 oz ish)
• A peaceful frame of mind.

We call it a stoner plate because (and of course we have no knowledge of this from personal experience) it appeals to the mindset and appetite of the, ahem, herbally engaged. I can only hope that my daughter - who enjoys most meals in this style - doesn't someday mention to a friend's mother, when asked if she'd like some lunch, that a stoner plate would suit her just fine.

Some great benefits of the SP include:

• Mindful eating
• The option to eat many different complex but complementary flavours
• A beautiful, aesthetic food experience (food as art)
• The ability to easily moderate portion size - and, if this is a concern, calories. Even if you don't count them / or count them euphemistically (i.e. Points), they are fundamental to the fitness and nutrition equation.
• The opportunity to see the building blocks of nutrition and nourishment in the simplicity of the arrangement of the food
• Ease of preparation.
  

It also works very well for fussy kids who don't like things to touch or "hidden" veggies they hate.

From the time I was a baby, the one-two punch of Italian relatives (portion size, bah, eat!) and a mother who was determined to control me with food (cuz nothing else worked), has left me easily overwhelmed by meals. For years I could only eat soup and half an appetizer in restaurants, even as my parents goaded me to ingest more. Of course, they weren't evil. Simply a product of their own backgrounds and inexperience.

When I had my own child - whom, ironically, I could not breast feed - I knew that it was of paramount importance in my transition to healthful nurturer to make organic baby and toddler food and to give it without expectation. I aimed for beauty in presentation and small portions because that appealed to me as the caregiver. And, though it might not appeal to every child, it certainly worked for my own.

Ironically, post partum trauma mixed with acute anxiety (and other peripheral things) led me to eat compulsively for a some time. The rise and precipitous fall of blood sugar was escape by mood alteration. Even as I nurtured my real-life baby, my inner child rallied against external control: being trapped by parenthood. Being subsumed by its demands.

Disordered eating comes in so many guises. And, obviously, it is never about the food. I like to hold myself up as a reformed food "user"/ paragon of healthy eating, but of course, I bring my visceral desire for order into everything.

For my daughter, the SP is a comfortable style of food presentation. Something she can relate to and enjoy. It's the same, but different every time. For me, the SP is a way to bring mindfulness and choice to the experience of eating. A little salty (almonds) with a bit of sweet (bananas and table cream with a dash of vanilla). Some bitter (watercress with lemon and olive oil) with umami (wasabi rice crackers and brie). All my urges are at once satisfied. All my needs. And yet my mind is unassaulted by the compulsion to force back volume and articficial complexity.

Remember this, if you can tease it out of my insanely bloated (ha ha, food pun) ramblings: The way you eat is a metaphor for the way you relate to yourself, and by extrapolation, a metaphor for your relatedness to everything around you.

The SP may be just the ticket to inspire conscious eating. Or you could use it for ill effect, I suppose. Maybe you'd prefer to incorporate any of millions of other methodologies to accomplish happy, healthy nourishment. One thing's for certain, you're employing some methodology, conscious or not. Happy or tortured. Free or entrapped.

Whatever you do, be mindful. In my view, when you bring art, nutrition and ease to food, you are bound to be satified on all levels. Give it a go, why don't you. Then let me know if you agree.

In Which K Discloses that She Can be a Total Bitch Sometimes

Believe it or not, I have not always been the magnanimous and delightful creature all of you in the 'sphere have come to know and love. I know that shocks you, so just play it cool.

Time was, I used to be rather snippy with people when they didn't meet my (entirely unknowable and/or unreasonable) expectations to a T. For example, if you said you'd, um, sweep the floor and then you did but you did a totally crappy (IMO) job, I'd complain that you had sucked out because you couldn't be bothered. And then you might retort with "But I did you a favour and, in my universe, this floor is clean." And I'd have come back with something like: A floor's not clean till you can eat off of it.

Occasionally, I was even extreme. You know when high expectation meets snitty entitlement? I kind of excelled at that...

So, just such an event occurred about 3 years ago when my husband (he of giftaphobia) decided to surprise me with this Canada Goose parka. Or one that looks more or less like it. In fact, the guy didn't just give me an $800.00 coat, he gave me 5 - one for each of my parents, one for himself and one for my daughter. We were all going to Quebec City (aka Santa's Village) for Xmas and he wanted to be sure we'd all be adequately warm to romp in the snow (between stops for booze and hot chocolate).

You'd think I would have swooned with love and gratitude at its receipt. Instead, the pre-Xmas handover went something like this:

Scott: I have a surprise for you. You're going to love it. One of my clients got me this excellent deal on these coats and were all going to be so toasty warm in QC. It's going to be fabulous.

Me: Are you talking about those insanely expensive puffy coats your client distributes?

Scott: Those are they.

Me: Um, ok. Let's see.

Scott: (With presentation fluorish) Voila!

Me: (Gasping) Um...

Scott: You like?

Me: (Blanching and sputtering) Do you honestly think I'm going to wear something that makes me look like a lifesized parcel? A fat parcel? Are you aware that this thing is actually fattening?? It makes me look, ah, fat. Take it back. I will never wear it. (Long pause, withering tone) Oh, but thanks. I appreciate the thought.

You should note, it was just at the advent of the puffer coat phenomenon we all take for granted now. So in fact, Scott was ahead of the style curve.

What happened after that is that he called me a total bitch - and some other words that aren't fit for a family blog - and threatened to pull out of the trip (albeit half-heartedly) and suggested divorce so that he could live a life with a woman who'd appreciate him (less half-heartedly) and - while I couldn't undo the past - I more believably apologized and actually brought the coat to QC. Like, to wear for the entire trip. 20 extra pounds be damned.

And, what I discovered on our magical, and miraculously non-conflict laden holiday, was that the coat was the warmest fucking thing on the entire fucking planet. Not that it should have surprised me, what with the brand's claim to fame being the production of parkas for all expeditions to the arctic. Next time you watch a documentary on seals, notice the parka that the scientist narrator is wearing...

I mean, I spent hours outside, loving the frigid cold air, taking in my surroundings with warm ears, oblivious to wind. And some cute French guys even checked me out.

Now we all wear puffers. You are looking as laden with faux 20 extra pounds in yours, as I am in mine. Of course, the skinny jean phenomenon has helped us all to retain some chic under the cirucmstances. And some chunky boots are practically de rigeur. But let's face it, the style is jolie-laide at best.

I haven't removed mine in approximately a month. It allows me to walk to work and back (2 hours a day) in whatever the weather (my La Canadienne's assist greatly). I am never chilled. I am not unduly laden by the weight of a full fur (heretofore my best alternative) or insanely bulky wool coat. I am truly grateful for the freedom it provides.

I owe my husband an eternal apology. I mean, even if the thing had sucked, my behaviour was hideous. So thank you Scottie for your foresight and generosity. I guess the coat has warmed my heart. Even as the wind kicks my ass.

Not Anatomically Correct

This guy gives a whole new meaning to the term "mannequin" :-)


It's truly amazing what kind of shit you see walking through the Annex on a Tuesday afternoon. Sorry for the photo quality; cell phones at dusk don't really do things justice.

(PS I realize my posts have been less than fulsome lately. I figure it's better to communicate with minimalism than not at all, and between the lingering cough and a crazy work schedule, it's going to take me a few more days to realize some nascent - albeit juicy - ideas.)

Animal Magnetism 2

More Lookbook fabulousness:

Could this woman have put herself together more elegantly? The drape of the sleeves, the swing of the skirt, the knit vest a nod to this beautiful woman's obvious modernity... And can you get over the lady-bow?

You Gotta Read This

For those of us stymied by nostalgic melancholy, this is an apt and spectacular piece of writing. You will thank me.

Gawd!

I may be sick but I'm not dead and I really couldn't resist sharing.

A church in the west end (right at the top of the street I grew up on, as it happens) had this to say of the new prez:

Thanks to Blog TO for posting...

Ick

I have been really under the weather the last few days and my pre-posts have finally come to an end. I think I'm going to take a few days away from the blog, to rest and clear my mind of sickness clutter. I will be reading what you all have to say though! Please don't forget me.