Given that this is a month behind schedule, and a month behind all the others in my 'hood that have bloomed, I worried it go straight to leaf. This is bitter-sweet, especially since I've been advised by my builders that we will not be able to leave it where it is during the reno. We thought we might be able to cut it back extensively and keep it in its happy spot, but it lives where a bin will go shortly.
Not that I can bring myself to think about this reno, much less talk about it, but there's a possibility it will be rescheduled till next spring, if the anticipated duration of work will run longer than August 1 till end of December. Our former project manager assured us that it could be complete by then, but delays with approvals and a new project manager (who's perhaps more realistic) has advised that this could take 6 - 8 months. If that's the case, we're waiting. I will not go through this - no kitchen, no laundry, no half of my house - through the depth of winter. I mean, I can barely function in winter as it is. But, Lord, I want this done. It's as if I don't live here now - and I haven't for at least a year.
There are many ways to contend with attachment and as many ways to practice non-attachment. Destroying things to fix them is one I really struggle with. The alternative is walking away - and I'm way too attached for that. :-)
So I'll look at my tree (the only part of the backyard that isn't a maze of weeds - I cannot garden in transition) and be grateful to have inhaled its fragrance - transmissible vibrancy. I'll focus on the things I can enjoy in the moment. I won't think too far ahead because, really, what's the point?
I wish I were better at this.
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Transmissable vibrancy. xoxox. Also a hug, which, is TV in the human mode.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Last night I had all the windows and doors open and the lilac scent was so intense that I thought I was burning a candle! It was amazing. Also, thank god for actual TV. I need to mood alter.
ReplyDeleteOh that lilac is so very beautiful. The fragrance must be incredible.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot do a reno through a Canadian winter. The lies madness.
Isn't it gorgeous?? I'm so sad that it's not going to be able to keep its spot. I hope my gardener can repurpose it... (Maybe we could pot it for a year, but prob it's too big and its root system to wide). And you're so right - I don't know how I could manage the horribleness of winter with even less space and stability than I already have. Here's keeping fingers crossed that it's all going to go in the best way.
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