Thursday, January 27, 2011

Who's the Dummy?

I should preface this little anecdote by assuring you that, though my husband is often begrudging with his sewing assistance, he rarely leaves me in the lurch. He is an invaluable partner in my learning process. Furthermore, I have no doubt that he finds me completely attractive (because he tells me all the time). Alas, this post is not about how great my husband is. Where's the intrigue in that?? No, my friends, this is one of those "men are from Mars" stories.

About a week ago, when the dress form arrived, I convinced Scott to assist me in "shaping" it. Y'all know that process is not yet complete, but at this inception moment, I was entirely confident I'd have it all sorted out in a session or two.

We were tired. It was a Tuesday evening. The child's (traumatizing "eco house" construction) project was mid way through. It was dark and dreary. Really, it was a stormy night.

First off, the job was to take current measurements. That was Scott's role and he didn't do a very accurate job, truth be told. Instead of holding the tape measure taut (but not tight), he kept putting his finger in between the tape and my body. Or, allowing it to slacken slightly before recording the size. I tried to explain - again and again - how one measures for fit but he didn't get it. Outrageously, at one point - admittedly after I expressed some frustration with his technique - he had the nerve to suggest that he knew it was a difficult process, but I should just accept my true measurements, even if they were larger than I am comfortable with.

Um, hello?!?!? I'm the woman who just spent hundred's of dollars to undertake the worthy challenge of reproducing my true shape in an effort to design clothes of flawless fit. I'm the one who spends every weekend measuring fabric against antiquated big 4 sizing protocols - decreasing seam allowances as necessary, leaving my ego in the dust. Don't fucking tell me I have an issue accepting the fucking number on the tape!

OK, we had a moment. I suggested we should get a dress form that approximates him. We eventually got over it. I mean, I needed his help.

A (tense) while later, after struggling with the partial limbs I call "leglets", and the hips, we came upon the stomach-shaping. Scott took one look at the abdominal foam and said: Lord, there is no way that's going to be big enough.

Whereupon I realized there are some activities you should not undertake with men. And until further notice, he is prohibited from the sewga room, even if that was his secret motive.

The end.


  1. Oh noooo! Seriously, he said that? He probably didn't mean it to come out quite like that.. but what a thing to say!
    I have nothing helpful to add other than expressing my surprise... good luck getting the padding sorted and don't take it to heart :)

  2. Men just don't think before they open their mouths. I have one of those, too. ;)

  3. I was reading this last evening and caught my husbands attention by laughing. So... i read your blog entry to my 20-year old daughter and my husband. We were laughing so hard that we had tears in our eyes!!!

    Your husband is a normal male. Mine would have done the same!!!


  4. I couldn't stop laughing. These men are in so many ways all alike.

  5. Yes, I've been recipient of insensitive remarks similar to that one. Not fun. I'll bet he isn't minding the banishment one bit.

  6. Too funny -- Mars and Venus all over again! While he's at least willing to try helping with the form and sound like an all-round good guy, he'd 'ave lost a lot of ground with that one comment . . .

  7. My mom used to make me wear the dresses she made for my girl cousins. For fitting purposes of course.

  8. Everyone: I love your comments!

    D. - You're hilarious.

    And Anon: When you're actually reading it to the husband - and he's laughing - that's a good sign :-)

  9. My husband has a set answer that he has taught to all his brothers in law - when asked if I have increased or decreased in size he says "That is a Lose Lose Question"

  10. H: That's because your husband is NOT a dummy!