Goddess, Thy Name is Jessica

OK, I've now worn the Goddess long line bra and here's what I can tell you:

• It's not as tight as it initially appears. It's just very awkward to do up because of the boning.
• It's extremely textured, so it's not going to work under something slim, unless you don't mind seeing bones and lace on the right side of your thin cashmere.
• The cups are crazy - and I don't say that lightly. I cannot imagine a breast that will be long enough to fill them out. Oh, I know there are women to fit every bra. But I've never observed a breast (and I've seen lots of them) that would work with this wide-to-long ratio. Because of it, the cup fits a good size up (maybe a size and a half). You'll observe, even in the photo of the bride from the post referenced above, the model isn't filling the bottom of the cup. The only way, it strikes me, that this product hasn't gone the way of extinction (or improvement) is that this isn't an every day item for the modern woman. Someone wearing it twice a year isn't going to quibble over the extra i.e. unused bottom cup length if the overall shape works because of the cup boning.
• Really, not to harp, but I've given this a lot of thought. Are "full figured" women - which one assumes cannot squeeze into a 34 back that fits more like a 32 - of generally different breast shape? I've never seen a large woman with large breasts up close and personal. Large woman, small breasts? Check. Small woman, large breasts? Check. Maybe the Goddess sloper is for large backs and large chests and the designers haven't scaled the shape of the cups for the 34 back size-purchaser?
  
• Because the fabric is so sturdy, and because of the cup boning, you can get away with wearing this despite the length of the cups - but why? IMO, a bra's got to fit. All the way around.
• The majority of my body fat hangs out below my navel and above my pubic bone. Can't tell you how unattractive it is to have the bottom stay stop right above that. The look is totally "slim Krissie-meets-tube of toothpaste". Note to readers: I'm beginning to think that for women of my shape, the body suit is a much better alternative. It doesn't suck it all in as much, but it doesn't emphasize one's (seriously pasty-white) tummy.
• My husband gets brownie-points for telling me, unasked - and sincerely, that he doesn't feel the corset does anything to make me seem shaplier above the lower abdomen. In his opinion, I am always the shape that the corset emphasises, just as much as the corset emphasises, so it's not worth wearing. He totally concurs that the figurative arrow pointing to my "belly button bunny hill" is really unfortunate.

I suspect it's going to be more trouble than it's worth to return this - especially given my current difficulty walking - so it's likely sticking around. I may deconstruct it, eventually, and try to recreate it. (Sometimes I write sentences that seem completely insane on second reading. Hmmm, since I can't yet figure out how to make a bra that actually fits me, perhaps I'll tear apart an insanely complex piece of lingerie that also doesn't fit me and try to come up with a workable garment. That makes perfect sense!)

Another option is that I may offer it up to a reader of the appropriate stats. Something tells me there will not be a lot of takers. If your back is that small and your tits are that big, you are likely related to Jessica Rabbit.

So here's what I suggest: If you have Jessica proportions (Rabbit or Simpson), drop me a line and you might be the beneficiary of a new long line bra.

Goddess

Perhaps you know that I've been searching for a long line bra for a very long time. If we want to get technical about timelines, that means years. If we want to focus on when I started my active online research, that would probably be about 6 months.

My friends, I've had a bitch of a time. For starters, are you aware that long line bras seem to come in 2 standard categories: small and delicate in both back and cup size and wide and sturdy in both back and cup size? What's a girl with a generous bust and a narrow frame to do?

Furthermore, in this day and age, the only people wearing the long line bras are the brides. The ones who want a smooth silhouette for day-to-day wear are apparently purchasing Spanx. I begrudge neither Spanx nor the women who wear them, but they are not for me. Too ugly, IMO. I prefer the shape provided by corsetry over that of elastic compression.

Finally, I realized I would need to go with the Goddess brand. It's venerable. It's the only one I could get shipped to Canada for less than a zillion dollars (via Lauren Silva, fyi). It's an online site I'd never heard of till I did my digging. I feel that the whole shopping experience has been pleasant enough, though the item ended up being out of stock (even though the site said it was in stock) and the shipping took close to a month. The main thing about Goddess, though, is that it's for the full-figured ladies.

You'll note, in the photo below, the bride-to-be is not full-figured, but let's not split hairs:


Because the bra I received (in the smallest back size they design for - a 34) is so freakin' narrow that I have not yet been able to verify if the cups will fit (they seem on the large size, in truth, though I bought a half size down). I am going to need assistance to get into this thing, people.

I was able to do up the hooks, fyi, just not from the back. And there is no way I can twist the thing around once on. It truly IS a corset. (Note: It comes with detachable straps, not that you'll need them. I bought mine in black because, as you may know, I have no interest in looking like a bride. I'm almost amazed it comes in black. I mean, what bride wears black?)

Here's what I can say about it so far - and I'm sure I'll return to the subject after Scott assists me in putting it on, Gone with the Wind-style.

• It's not ugly but it is lacy. Firm lacy.
• There's actual flexible-boning in the cups?!
• The cups are extremely long - I don't know what this will mean to fit, but it's unusual. This may be the undoing of things for me. I don't know that my chest is going to fill out the length of the cup. How often do you hear me complaining that the bra might be too big?!
• It's going to be insanely shaping through the waist, of that I am certain. Having said that, I fear for my internal organs.
• I'm almost at the stage where I can confirm that there is NO way that Spanx can accomplish what the long line bra - and girdle, and corset - can. Compression simply encases adipose tissue and aims, rather ineptly, to distribute it evenly. Boning actually connects to your skeleton. Look, they're both evil mechanisms from a long-term health perspective - they mush you up in ways your natural shape has not chosen for itself. But if you want the impact, just get a corset.
• I suspect - and again, I haven't worn it yet - that I will go down a generous dress size using this thing. Note: I have no interest in going down a dress size on a regular basis. I do love the idea of being wasp-waisted when wearing a cashmere sweater, however.

So peeps, what's your opinion? Do you prefer the idea of Spanx or long lines? Do you wear either on a regular basis? Do you own this bra and, if so, what do you think? Let's talk corsets.