Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Limbo

For a moment, I forgot that truism: Wherever you go, there you are. But this vacation really is bringing it home for me, as mediocre-to-horrid weather converges with omnipresent construction, phone conversations with convalescing parents and now, a sick kid.

Yeah, first time I've ever left her alone and, 3 days later, she's flat out. Probably mono. Note: This is a kid who rarely gets any bugs, not even a cold. I spent much of the day yesterday on the phone with the doctor's office. I have a fantastic group of friends, all of whom are on a roster of check in, and they've been amazing. Sandra opted to work from home yesterday aft and brought Miranda lots of soft, healthy food. Hilary, a pediatrician, has been chatting, check-in texting with her and looking at photos of her throat. Of course, M's best friend and boyfriend are omnipresent. But I'm really far away. As are my parents. And Scott's parents are in no shape to assist, not that they've ever been involved in that way. I've been in constant contact with Hilly to ensure that I needn't end this trip altogether. She's convinced, even if the outcome is mono (and she suspects it is), that M will be fine for 4 more days without constant mother-intervention, however, this is a sort of damned if you do or damned if you don't kind of scenario.

What I haven't mentioned sooner - because it's so par for the course - is that I've been in pretty significant pain since just before we left. New spot, though! I may have subluxated my tailbone, though I can't imagine how - or it's just a novel place for myofascial pain referral. I've got a bunch of chiro and osteopath appts when I get back, but sitting isn't working out so well. Mercifully, I can perch for meals, but not comfortably, which is likely undercutting enjoyment of my fave activity - eating.

And, not to harp on stupid inconvenience, but I come to this place because it's gorgeous - and gotta say, there's SO much significant construction going on right now (like right outside my window and everywhere else) that it's impossible to walk around, much less to enjoy the architecture. Furthermore, it's like QC blew its brains out on the 400th celebration and, frankly, it's looking tired. What I've always loved about this place is that the Disney Village component is well-tempered by great food and beautiful vistas. This time, the meal scene has been fairly pedestrian - I actually had to send a meal back at one of my long-time favourite restaurants. This shocks me because, honestly, the food in Quebec is impeccable. Not to mention, it's gone from whimsical here to tourist-centrale. Not my thing.

I do get that outdoor summer construction is how we sidestep decay. I'm really sensitive to it right now because Toronto is in a bizarre conflation of construction projects which basically makes any sort of transit near-impossible. (Even walking to work on the side-streets is a traffic jam and it's wall-to-wall chaos everywhere.) I didn't realize to what extent I was counting on a quiet and ease.

To mitigate my (let's just call it) disappointment, we opted to do something totally spur of the moment: We're going to the bucolic Baie St. Paul tomorrow - for an overnight stay at La Ferme. Lord, I hope the weather improves (as they've promised it will) because that's a long time in a car for rain. Also, I'm going to be driving for the first time in 5 years so I'd do well with the best of conditions. Scott and I have talked frequently about renting a place in the Charlevoix, in future, in lieu of this QC pilgrimage. This will give us a chance to explore some options because I don't think we'll be back to QC any time soon.

One very exciting potentiality, once we get to the Baie, is a take a tour of the food garden with the chef. The hotel is in a pristine river delta and the eluvial soil makes for awesome produce in spectacular environs. I would LOVE to tour a working farm with the guy making the food.

As today is destined to be gloomy, I sense we'll hang in the hotel (not that I'm looking for extra time to brood or feel anxious) and then go to the Musee (literally across the road). Tonight, we have plans at L'Initiale - perhaps the only QC food destination I've never been to because, utterly bizarrely, it has been closed for one reason or another, every single time I've ever been here.  As you can tell, my mood isn't stellar, and my food-to-date experiences haven't wowed me (though most have been more than adequate). I don't want to get my hopes up because that's the path of dissatisfaction, but I would love a crazy-awesome dinner-experience, replete with amazing food and wine, perfect service and beautiful ambiance.

On a final note, I find it interesting how blogs diverge from Instagram, that wonderful, just-in-time repository of fine moments. My Instagram feed has been as honest as this post - capturing the intensity of my feelings at any given time. And yet, Instagram evades the totality, the complexity. Maybe that's why it's so popular. One doesn't have to engage with the mood of the post-er. One has no thought of the turn round the corner or the next 12 shots that don't express instantaneous perfection.

I'm a complex person going through a complicated phase. My complications would seem petty to those who struggle infinitely more, but they are real to me and I must work actively to vanquish them. I wonder if there's any way to pull this vacay back from the edge - to find the solitude and  total detachment from what I've left behind. If I can't do it here, then where can I? Which takes me full circle: Wherever I go, there am I.

If only I could be everywhere at once.

12 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear M is not well, but it does sound like she is well taken care off at least. Try and relax into this vacay - I bet the next portion, in the country, is exactly what you need. Also, whenever you want quiet and retreat, you should think about coming to the County. I even have a whole house to put you up in (at my always empty in-laws' place next door). And look, as much as I love the "gram" I miss blog reading precisely because of the level of detail that one does not get from IG. And that is why, during my staycation, I am reading blogs. A plus tard!

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    1. I want to come to the County - it's seriously gorgeous where you live. I'm almost ready to pack it in and find something gorgeous on the lake!

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  2. I hope M heals quickly.
    As for you -have you ever seen a pelvic floor physio? I have myofascial pain as well but the physio I see has relieved a great deal of it as well as improving my posture (I was pulled forward at the waist), eliminated reflux and pain in my abdomen and pelvis all b/c of myofascial restrictions. She is now in the process of trying to keep my sacrum and coccyx in place. It all sounds really hokey when I read this, but it's alarming what a lack of estrogen can do to a body.

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    1. No I haven't - not heard of one! This is a whole new development (as I'm sure you can understand) so I'm in the early stages of info gathering. Thanks for you intel. I just hope this one sorts itself out soon because, while it's not quite as hideous as constant migraines, it's a very unpleasant sort of pain.

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  3. You are absolutely right to take a spur-of-the-moment detour to a quieter area. What a great idea! Such a shame Quebec is disappointing this time. I expect lots of details if you do that farm garden tour. (Also a pic of the chef, if he's hot.) Did you bring adequate options for the unfortunate weather? I hope thin layers of luxury fiber clothing are getting a chance to prove their versatility.

    Please don't forget pics of the chef. You should visit New Orleans and meet up with that hot guy who has all those restaurants. John Besh, I think. The whole town is obsessed with food. You'd like it. Avoid winter and summer.

    Can you anesthetize yourself with wine? I hope you feel better soon!

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    1. I really needed that quiet, Anon. Alas, I didn't get the tour. It was happening on Sat. (about an hour after I had to be on the road to catch a train in QC). But I was able to enjoy them just as much (or almost) just by walking through them - the nature was right there! I could have pulled out a head of lettuce if I'd wanted (of course, that wouldn't be cool, but you know what I mean...)

      I want to go to New Orleans - my friends love it there and go back regularly. The reason I've avoided it (and I know it sounds crazy) is that I'm very afraid of crawly bugs and I know it's in the crawly bug part of the deep south. But I'm working up to it because, well, great food and ambiance!

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  4. Sorry for the numerous things going on that are marring your trip. Healing to M and you, both. Best wishes that the countryside visit provides a tonic (if not, purchase a bottle...or three).

    As for the blog (vs Instagram), I see personal blogs as a place to share the good, the bad and the ugly, not just the pretty (or in the case of most Instagram- the staged). Life isn't always pretty and it is hard to escape ourselves and circumstances, so why shouldn't you use your blog space to release the tensions and sort out your feelings. Most of us don't live Instagram lives, so we get it.

    Take care.

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    1. Mary: Thank you so much for your comment. The countryside was a total tonic (but, alas, one cannot escape the ever present responsibility - so booze was not avoided!) Kxo

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  5. This sounds like a tough trip Kristin - so sorry things haven't been going your way as of late. :( A vacation should feel like a vacation ya know?! I'm hoping that your drive to Baie will at least provide you with some good food and a more beautiful respite.

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    1. It was a tough first half - i was ready to pack it in. But read on. The second half justified the first! I won't be unhappy to sleep in my own bed tonight, though...

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  6. Regarding the tailbone pain, you may want to call a Pharmaprix and see if they have a coccyx cushion (a cushion with a V shaped cut out at the back) - it alleviates the pressure of sitting from your tailbone. I find mine especially helpful on long car rides.

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    1. Believe it or not, the receptionist at my new massage therapy place offered me hers for the trip?! I was blown away by her kindness. Alas, it's not helping as much as I'd hope. But it may not be quite the right shape (or material) for me...

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