Sunday, August 11, 2013

Everything Can Just Fuck Off

Is there some convention for NSFW blog post titles? Not that I care really. I swore in that title because I am hateful in a special, special way.

Optimism is stupid. Bra-making is stupid. My sewing machine is stupid. All sewing machines of the world are stupid as are all bra patterns. Most people are stupid. Even pets and babies are stupid. (I will not retract that inflammatory statement at this juncture.)

In case you're wondering, I made the next bra and it failed and now I kind of want to kill myself. That's bra 16, in case you're counting. I suppose if I were dangerously suicidal, I'd make it about something more relevant than my continual inability to sew a bra that fits. But honestly, I have failed. Yet again. Writ large. In front of the world and, worse still, in my own eyes. And I'm done (potentially for as much as 18 months).

I thought I was getting closer. Maybe I was. In some ways, this latest prototype is closer to fitting than ever. In others, formerly ways in which fit was flawless, now things are worse. Quick word to the wise (though if you are trying to make a bra that fits you are obviously stupid): One cannot decide to affix upper cups behind straps when one's clone pattern doesn't follow that convention and one is 15-ways flummoxed by every change one makes and what one is doing and how it impacts everything else.

To make matters more fun, I can no longer pretend that my machine is going to rally from whatever tension issues it is currently experiencing. Oh, I know, we ALL have tension issues. But my machine needs some extreme bodywork (or maybe drugs). Of course, having never had a machine serviced - and not having a car - I am particularly apprehensive about sorting it all out. I would happily pay a premium to have some special machine-fixer come to my house and take care of it on the spot. Come to think of it, I'd likely pay an absurd amount of money to save myself the time, trouble and stress. I mean, really, I spent 200 bucks this month on bra supplies and that yielded nothing. Imagine if it actually fixed my machine without so much as having to lock the front door. Remind me to tell you, sometime, about how nervous I am to approach new things requiring intra-city travel. It's yet another example of stupidity.

On the plus side, I suppose this will give me a chance to start writing about something with a little bit of curb appeal. I saw my naturopath yesterday and that was vaguely interesting. I also bought a terrific top (more to come). And there are some fabulous RTW bras on the horizon, as evidenced by posts I've read recently about the coming lingerie season, care of Curve Expo (like the fashion shows but for bras). Note: I am in awe of those designers and, if I weren't so grateful for their offerings, I'd fucking hate them too.

Alas, for now, you can imagine me, lying deflated on the floor, neck muscles contracted up the yin yang, everything seeming so futile.

Really, my brain does not like to be thwarted.

44 comments:

  1. That sucks. I'm sending hugs Kristin.

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    1. I am gratefully accepting your hug Susan. xo

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  2. I would offer chocolate brownies and a great chilled white wine, but sadly my star trek transporter is malfunctioning as well. Hope you have an equivalent of these things available.

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    1. Do the brownies have any illicit substances contained within? :-) You see, transporters - they're stupid! xo

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  3. I really believe RTW bras are da bomb. Leave it to the experts! If you weren't able to do your own hysterectomy, would you feel like a failure?

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    1. Hilarious! You are so right! I mean, I don't do my own renovations and somehow that doesn't make me feel like a lesser person.

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  4. Kristen -- It may be time to call the bra lady -- I checked Ann St. Claire's site and don't see any close classes to you (yet). Hang in there!!

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    1. Believe it or not, the other bra-lady (Beverly Johnson) is an hour-drive away. But I've heard some dubious feedback about the abilities of all the bra-ladies (on the topic of fit). Not that I should listen only to the bad. And Lord knows, my own skills are indubitably dubious. :-)

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  5. I'm sending hugs too. Sounds like you need them.

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  6. Oh dear, at least it was a fail at something amazingly complicated. Imagine the feelings of stupidity when you can't even attach stupid fold over elastic to a stupid tee shirt neckline without getting it all stupidly rippled -- not that it's ever happened in my stupid sewing room of course.

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    1. Ha! OK, that made me snort laugh. I guess I'm not that close to suicide :-) Or the mega chocolate bar is kicking in.

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  7. You are sooo funny! I love your angry posts. I'm looking forward to the reviews of that awesome top and RTW bras. You have my sympathy about bras one through 16!

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    1. I wonder if there's a problem if you can recognize a genre of post and it's "angry" :-) Thank you for the sympathy!

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  8. Sorry to hear that your efforts haven't paid off yet. It must be really frustrating!!

    Kristin, You are trying to reverse engineer the Lola Emperiente which probably have been designed by THE bra master minds ever. That bra is an engineering wonder! The people who designed it and made the pattern probably have had years of education, analysis of fit issues AND pattern making expertise for those fit issues. I like the hysterectomy comment made by a wise lady above!

    The next time people say sewing a bra is so easy, I'm going to give them a real stink eye. I know that sewing a bra is easy! I've done that. Anybody who can do a zigzag can do that. But getting the darn thing to fit? Sigh!!

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    1. I'm trying to keep my focus on the word "yet". And thank you for your kind comment about how the peeps who designed this bra are serious engineers. Makes me feel a bit better about not being able to crack the code.

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  9. Giving you a hug too, because I totally understand how you feel. And isn't it crazy that we let our failures at our FUN, HOBBY ACTIVITY get us completely down? I'm so guilty of that! I'll go into a funk for days! So you're not alone.

    I also want to say, I hope you're not trashing all the almost-fitting bras, only because there might be some days when they fit! I know mine (and my clothes too) fit differently on different days, depending on how "puffy" I am. So all might not be lost!

    But I do think it's time for a rest :-)

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    1. I know! Where's the fun in this?? Oh, honey, I'm trashing those bras (largely cuz I'm reusing the wires and the straps and the hardware (hooks/eyes). They don't grow on trees! And I can't stand the thought of ever looking at the bras again anyway.

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  10. LOL, very entertaining post.
    We ALL feel this way sometimes!

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    1. I know that I am not alone, but in that moment, one feels so isolated! Thanks for the reminder!

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  11. oh yuck. that's just...well... I mean...it's just... just... fuck. I got nuthin helpful. It's plain old big honkin' F-bomb. There's no other word for it. Bustiers are stupid, too, btw.

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    1. Bustiers are especially stupid :-)

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  12. Wait! I thought of something helpful. Or at least positive. I read about a study recently that showed that dropping the F-bomb helped alleviate stress and release tension. So, NSFW away, lady!

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    1. Oh, I think you might have seen that on the Stephen Fry show about language! If this is true, I must be the least stressed person on the planet!

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  13. If it were easy to find RTW bras that fit, and they weren't so damn expensive, and I could get them in the color and fabrication I want when I want - I'd have no need to make a bra. ;) But since none of that is true, I periodically venture into the realms of bra making - always with similar results. And I always swear this is the last time. And I live with stupid RTW for a while, until I get fed up and convince myself that it has to be do-able. And I step out into that fray once again.

    You have fought a brave fight. You have learned much that will aid you in the next battle. Until that day, find something less stressful to create. ;)

    Lois K

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    1. OK you make a seriously valid point - if you can find the bras that work (never mind price for a second), then really, all is well. Of course, being able to afford the bras that fit is another serious consideration. :-) If only I had a plain beige bra, right now.

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  14. oh no! so sorry it didn't work out! again, i know nothing on the topic, but i do appreciate how compliecated bras must be to pattern--so many minute variables!

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    1. Minute is the watch word. One tiny scrap of a change yields crazy fit alterations.

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  15. I love your title, and I love Mae's comment. She's got a point. I truly believe there are some things worth paying other people to do. Also, thanks to you, (no sarcasm intended), I've given up wearing Victoria's Secret in 34D (which I fall out of if I think about leaning over) and the department store generics (Maidenform & Warners, anyone) in the armpit wing creating size of 36C. I found one bra, a style of Curvy Kate in 34DD which is nice, although the others need to be mail-order exchanged for a DD or maybe E....sigh. The point is that i am benefitting from your Bra-obsession. Thank you!

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    1. Well I feel so terrific that you are wearing some great new bras with good fit! Honestly, that's what it's all about.

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  16. Oh Kristin just....SHIT ya know. I too agree with Mae's comment. The good in this is that you've gained in fitting (even if you never hit the top point) and can buy bras that fit you quite successfully. Sometimes it just isn't worth the stress/effort. Retire from the field on this one, soldier. Hope you had MANY beverages of the adult persuasion and some decent chocolate. Looking forward to seeing the top and the bra expo stuff.
    Take care!

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    1. Isn't Mae's point a good one!? I am very fortunate that I have a variety of bras and brands I can purchase that fit well and look great. Honestly, that's what matters.

      I ate an entire Ritter sport chocolate bar and a few glasses of wine. Within a couple of hours, it didn't seem quite as terrible - but almost :-)

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  17. Have you heard of Don McCunn? He has a yahoo group Custom Bras - How to Make Custom Fit Bras. He also has an online class to walk you thru the process. You might want to check him out. I have taken several of his classes and I also have his book on making your own patterns.

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    1. I'm totally going to check this out! Thank you for the info. Never heard of this...

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  18. Oh dear! I so wish that I could send restorative tonic, drinks, a masseuse and supplies to you; your willingness to share your process has been invaluable to me! As far as I'm concerned, constructing and especially fitting bras is the most incredibly difficult sort of home sewing ever!

    I have been struggling with this myself, though not anywhere near as far along as you are, being only up to my third muslin... Since I have NO currently well fitting bras, this is quite challenging, and at a size 38G, I figure that I do need some kind of science, or possibly engineering (maybe anti-gravity!!) to make this project doable. It seems that keeping exhaustive notes, and doing only one change (changing only one variable at a time) is vital, just like back in school when doing science experiments...

    I understand your exhaustion with this project, and hope that you revive soon, and maybe do some less challenging shorter term projects for a while so you will not feel so burned out! But I am surely not the only person who is so very grateful for your sharing this journey.

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    1. Oooh, restorative tonic! Love that. I wish you all the good vibes in your muslin process. And if you manage to make a bra that fits, please tell me how! Also, feel free to email if you want to chat about bra brands that might work with your size and shape. I suspect there is a bra out there for you - and you might not even have to make it.

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  19. OMG you made me laugh so much in your hour of need! That makes me an evil person I am sure, and for that I apologise :(
    Your perseverance is astonishing! I would have bandaged my chest flat by now and applied to join a nunnery.
    Hugs for your continuing quest. You are awesome!

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    1. You are not evil! And bandages are a good alternative. Thanks for the idea :-)

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  20. oh.. this sounds really heartbroken. But Mae is 146% right: not all failures make us loosers. Pattern making isn't simple and when it comes to elastic it gets even more complicated. And when it's a bra you can cube that.

    PS I hate going to a new places in the city, too (traffic, and if you don't change a line in a right place then you are doomed, and GPS isn't going to tell you where it is 90% of time). So I'm with you on paying more just to save your nerves.

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    1. I came up with a way around travelling to have the machine serviced - I had someone come to pick it up and deliver it! I'll let you know how it goes!

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  21. I'm somewhere between bra 15 and 20 myself. Just took a break for a few months, and now I think I'm ready to get back at it. Rant on!

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    1. I'm pleased to know I'm not alone! And that you've managed to get to the same place without going crazy! There is hope :-)

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  22. Oh... I am so sorry, but I did find your post amusing. It's cathartic to just get all that out there and I enjoyed your rant.

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    1. Sometimes, when things are painful and absurd, you just have to rant. Ranting is, by nature, I've found, quite a humorous activity :-)

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