Friday, November 30, 2012

Feast or Famine

Wanna place bets on how long it's going to take me to get it? The path of this illness is not linear. Why I should think I'd be back to normal after 3 months, when it takes many others 6 months, is beyond me. I mean, optimistic.

Last week I was feeling pretty good, in the scheme of things. This week, not so much. I find it hard to believe that my relatively debaucherous last weekend, involving 4, 1.5 oz martinis over 3 days and a pint of ice cream (ok, and some cookies) could be the reason why my throat ulcers have returned, my energy is low, my cough is worse and my breathing/throat puffiness not optimal.

Allow me to clarify: I went to bed before 11 pm every night. I was home before 9. I did not go to a club. I drank lots of water and, otherwise, ate virtuously. The above binge is entirely in line with PMS, the darkest days of the year, going out for dinner and feeling (celebratorily) like a normal person (sort of) who hadn't freakin' eaten yummy food or drunk any meaningful amount in way too fucking long.

And it's not like I had a sip and then I couldn't breathe. Or eating that cookie threw me over the edge. In fact, I didn't start feeling bad until after the "binge" (and I use that term loosely). Which is why technically, I suppose, the return of crappy-feeling could be unrelated to the episode. 

Yeah, I know, unlikely. If having a pint of ice cream could have killed me a month ago, what the fuck was I doing eating it in bulk on Saturday night? I can't explain it. I felt ok; I indulged.

So now, whether the binge was the cause of my "relapse" (and I use this term loosely too) - which is preferable, I suppose, to just feeling terrible after having felt, briefly, better - or whether it is entirely unimplicated, I feel like an idiot and I kind of hate myself. Too bad I have no masochistic tendencies or the pain I'm feeling this week could act as a welcome source of punishment.

I suppose, right now I should just pretend I'm a movie star serious actor training for the role of a person who gets stuck in a cave without anything but berries to subsist on for 2 months before another serious actor (and a bunch of less serious actors playing the roles of uniformed paramedics) finds her, languishing, but somehow with rosy skin and good hair. In this movie, berries can grow in a cave.

Here's how I think I've got to play this, for the next 2 months (though I am pained to type it out) - not unlike how I played it for the first 2 months (though then I was too sick to notice):
  • No wine.
  • No alcohol of any type till I can't take it anymore (or I attend some function with crazy family members), then a small amount of booze without sugar, i.e. a martini. But only one and only very occasionally.
  • Only very small amounts of sugar, other than that which is to be found in frozen wild blueberries. And as infrequently as I can manage it. (Please note, I am absolutely addicted to sugar and this is 8000 times worse, from where I'm sitting, than not drinking wine, which is already pretty bad.)
  • On the plus side, coffee's all good. (Note: I start to shake if I drink more than 2 coffees a day, so I can't really use this to make up for all the other stuff that's gone.)
  • I should say no dairy and no flour-based foods but fuck it. I'm not overdosing on these, however one needs an english muffin with butter after all the joy has been lacerated from her diet. Of course, as necessary, I'll modify this. And I am aiming to be moderate. 
  • Fear not. I can eat all of the vegetables I can stomach! And meat, as long as it's not fatty.  And eggs and rice with soy sauce and soy-flavoured rice crackers from Koreatown (the portable version of rice with soy sauce).
  • Nuts and seeds are a wildcard. I've eaten them when my throat hasn't been constricted, which is to say, I haven't eaten them at all this week. But they are a healthy, sugar-free and fat-rich type of food, so I hope to be back on this bandwagon soon.
You know you're firmly from the first-world if this diet looks bereft to you.

If any of you has a story about recovering from illness wherein temporary food intolerances were developed (especially those causing or exacerbating throat-puffiness), I'd love to hear about it.

Or, simply feel free to berate me for my idiocy. I can take it.

22 comments:

  1. I'm so, so, so sorry you're going through this. I don't know what I'd do, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't manage 5 or 6 months on that restrictive a diet! I guess the dire consequences are a fairly good stick, but I wish there were a juicier carrot in there for you, somewhere. . .

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    1. Oh, you'd manage. You'd just be a total bitch most of the time. Or am I projecting :-)

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  2. Hang in there, Lady. I have been suffering from some mystery nose/throat/belly troubles since August, so you are not alone in your extremely strict diet. It's totally the worst ever, and it's hard for other people to understand that. I stand with you in solidarity, and I hope you are feeling 100% wonderful very soon.

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    1. I am really sorry that you are experiencing this, but it does make me feel less alone to know someone else has been dealing with disturbing symptoms associated with food. Thank you for sharing! And keep us posted on how you are improving as I am sure you will continue to do. Isn't not being able to eat "normally" a hideous thing??

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  3. I am so sorry for your relapse. Being a carboholic, I don't know if I could survive a restricted diet. DH would either move out or make me move out (or send me to live with a sister for the duration! lol)

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    1. Your sister might opt to send you to live elsewhere after a few weeks :-) I've got to say, I've been more pleasant to be around. :-)

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  4. I'm so sorry that you are not a straight line to health. Not fun times, at all.
    I rarely comment on your blog, but want to thank you for the Lingerie Shop Along. I ordered from LCL, using your code. I ordered a Freya bra, with black spots (can't remember the style). I am amazed at how WONDERFUL my chest looks. I've been fitted for bras before but this bra fits like nothing else! I thank you. My husband thanks you. I also ordered the Fantasie Rebecca bra, but in a smaller band size since the proper size did not fit. Alas, it was too small. I sent it back and just a few moments ago the proper size arrived. I'm almost afraid to try it on. Can it be possible than more than one bra will fit me?
    Thank you, thank you.

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    1. Thank you Lorrie. And I'm SO thrilled that you (and your husband!) benefited from the shop along. If Freya works on your frame, it's a truly awesome thing, yes? Often Fantasie runs a bit larger than Freya, but I'm sure with trial and error, you'll find many bras that fit you beautifully. Do tell, though, is the second-try Rebecca a keeper??

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  5. Has anyone tested you for thrush? A friend of mine who had a weakened immune system due to a severe illness had a dickens of a time with it (similar symptoms). Just a thought. Don't mean to be a buttinski.

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    1. Anna - Great question. I was tested last time I went to the doc. And it's quite possible, after having taken prednisone and antibiotics, that I could have contracted thrush. However, this doesn't fit the description - the booboos are actual crater-like ulcers (like canker sores) rather than a coating. Also, not that this rules it out, but I've been mainlining probiotics since the beginning (as soon as I went on the first round of antibiotics I started adding a mega probiotic twice a day. Nonetheless, I'll continue to watch because it's important to consider all of the options.

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  6. No berating here. Your little indugences seem like pretty normal forays into the world of everyday pleasures. Elle

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    1. Thank you Elle! I mean, I don't tend to eat a pint of ice cream every week - but that's only because I don't bring it anywhere near myself :-)

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  7. I feel so bad for you. I hope your illness vanishes soon. Hang in there.

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  8. I feel your pain. LOL - does menopause count as an illness because all my food intolerances started then and they're hanging around... and around... and around. Definitely NOT fun.

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    1. It counts as an illness if it wrecks the way you eat! :-) I mean, sometimes we have to give these things bad names. Can't term everything a "planned cleanse".

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  9. It's really hard getting used to adjusting your diet. I've been eating a restricted diet, one way or another, for upwards of 10 years now, since I was first diagnosed with Crohn's disease back in my early 20s. I remember the first few days being great (because the new diet reduced symptoms almost immediately) but after that it wasn't so much fun because I missed things (toast made from soft bread and crumpets were/still are the main ones).

    So, while I'm now well used to avoiding certain foods (you do adjust eventually and find a new comfort zone) I can sympathise with your frustrations. I've been in the same boat of pushing the limits and then paying for it (usually by eating a few too many of my "sometimes"/treat foods in one weekend) but find that telling myself off rarely makes me feel any better. So my advice would be to try not to beat yourself up about the icecream/cookies/martinis: they all may have had some significant benefits to your psychological wellbeing at the time you were enjoying eating/drinking them!

    Good luck for your continued recovery.

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    1. What a measured attitude. Thank you! And I know that you must have really encountered this dilemma and come to terms with it many times over in the last 10 years. I'm going to take your advice and just move on. The experience did have its psychological benefits!

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  10. Ouch! That sucks. I'm currently researching dietetic plans to overcome long term exhaustion and the general consensus of opinion is that I need to implement the same sort of plan. I'm not looking forward to it, but think come the new year I'm going to have to suck it up (pun intended). I'm hoping that wellness make it more bearable...but I'm not convinced!

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    1. Is it adrenal exhaustion? I had that when my daughter was young. Parenting seems to bring it on. :-) I saw a great naturopath and overcame it with lifestyle changes and supplements (which I still take daily). Orthoadapt is a really good glandular supplement. Of course, don't be taking anything without seeing your naturopath first!

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  11. I feel horrible that I'm such a bad blogger I had no idea you've been so sick! I was reading your year in review and then had to go back and find out what happened. (all stalker-like, hehe). What a nightmare. I'm glad that you seem to be well on the mend and feeling better. This food post struck me though, because I have had a tough to shake pneumonia the past 2 years, and the flu the past 3 (the first year resulted in my losing about 20-30% of the vision in my right eye, sorely hampering my needlework and sewing time let me tell you. It's very frustrating and despite all assurances to the contrary, no, I have never been able to adapt my vision to the loss. I still can barely stand to crochet or embroidery for very long at all, and NOT at all if I'm trying to watch tv or something at the same time.)

    Anyway...I had to give up gluten. A nurse friend of mine thought I might be intolerant and that it could be contributing to my chest congestion symptoms, and the lingering "asthmatic" stuff (and GI stuff) I had going on. Apparently she's a smart nurse. If I leave flour behind, I feel much much better. It sucks. I'm a pasta whore. Rice pasta is "ok", but not the same. Thank the lord I don't seem to have issues with dairy! I would be totally despondent without cheese too! I stick mostly to nuts, fruits, veggies, and proteins, and seem to be doing just fine. I have not had the flu (no flu shot, I'm weird about those too) and actually no chest cold or congestion illness AT ALL this year. That's a first for me in several years.

    I am thankful that you are feeling better, and I wish you a Happy New Year! Here's to a healthier 2013. ;)

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    1. Don't feel horrible! Who has time to check every blog compulsively :-)

      I am so sorry to hear about your complications from the flu! Man, that virus can be terrible.

      My mother coughs every time she has gluten (something that recently twigged her to finally give it up). Since she has, the cough has almost gone away. And she lost a lot of weight, though she eats healthy quantities of everything else.

      I hope you have a wonderful 2013 and that you are able to return to your needlepoint with more ease! xo

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