Irony

I haven't had time to write, believe it or not, because I've been slogging away at the final 20% of the Bettie's Pullover. It's times like these when I realize top-down raglan sweaters were invented for a reason. I don't know if the pullover is complicated for its own sake or if there's actual method to the madness (well, there's method, but you know what I mean). But I have this nagging concern, founded or no, that it's not going to fit (really, there's no telling till the freakin' shoulders exist at the very, very, very end.) And it's a total pain in the ass. I don't care how cool it looks.

I have so much to tell you about so many things but I MUST finish the sweater. I want it to be done with. Oooh, that's a real selling point.

What I cannot wait to write about, for one more moment, is the utter, persistent stupidity of the Lingerie Shop Along (yeah, that's 3 separate links) order from Figleaves. Let me lead with the following provisos:

• The problem has had less to do with Figleaves, which has been a conscientious and professional vendor, than some weird, temporary, universal insanity.

• Having said this, just about everything has gone wrong from a) ordering the wrong sizes b) getting sick and being prevented from returning the items myself c) the kid sending the parcel back by dolphin express and so on.

• If this were my first online shopping experience I might never attempt the process again.

Well, the latest is that the parcel did return to Figleaves, after 6 weeks, and they honoured my refund (as requested) for the item I didn't intend to keep. They also resent all of the bras - the Gem first of all (because I reordered it and paid again in the event that the original parcel never returned - I was determined to own it) - and then (rather counter-intuitively) the Fantasie basic and the Charlotte lounge bra - each in separate packages. One's gotta hope there's a good reason for that.

OK, the Gem arrived yesterday and here's the low-down: 2 sizes smaller than the original, it does fit, but I wish the side-wires went higher. They're quite low and there's a bit of side-boob pillowing on the left side. It's by no means a deal breaker, but really, once you've owned double digit's worth of bras that fit perfectly, why would you wear anything that deviates even slightly? Furthermore, it's a bit dull. And stiff. And, dare I say it, uncomfortable?! That's not a hallmark of the Freya product.

I urge you to wait until Freya resolves the rather large issues of size and fabric choice. FYI, if Freya never fits you, maybe you should try this bra. It sure as hell doesn't fit like its regular sloper.

The fabric is actually irritating, especially as the underlining (a lighter shade of blue than the fashion fabric, the effect of which I do not like) has no drape. I'm sure, were it April, I would love the robin's egg blue. But in deep November it just seems wan. And I don't think you should have to size down in back by 1 and in cup by 2 in order to get a product that fits. They've got to work on this bra if they intend to make it a brand staple.

The strongest feature of the set is the modified thong (half way between thong and something else). The fit is very flattering and it is comfy.

I'm not returning it. I don't have the will. And I will wear it, no doubt. But it's really not the bra I dreamed about for 6 months before it came out - and then for almost 2 months after I ordered it.

Today, the stupidity intensified as my Fantasie basic arrived in the same freakin' size I first ordered and then returned for a smaller size. Mmmhmmm. On the website, they even show the original order, with size, next to the return order, with the same size. When's the last time you returned a bra cuz it didn't fit (as you indicated on the return form, next to the new size you wanted), and then reordered it in the same size? I so wish someone had been paying attention.

So now, I have to return the same bra (on my own dime, at least until they reimburse me as I'm confident they will) for the second time and wait another 2-4 weeks for the correct size. Did I mention that this is the most boring bra on the planet. Sure, it works under everything, gives great shape and I've owned it time and again. But really, this is effort I am not psyched to go through YET AGAIN for a workhorse. Mind you, if they ever stopped making this bra I'd lose it, but that's not the point.

Lord knows what I'm in for when the Charlotte comes. Let's say I don't have any expectations.

There has been way too much care and feeding in this experience. I have upwards of 30 emails with Figleaves, I've online chatted, I talked on the phone... Lord, I wonder if I expended this much effort organizing daycare for my once-tiny child. (Note: Of course I did, but allow me the hyperbole.)

Between the sickness-association and all the hassle, I can't say I'm going to be ordering any bras online in the near future. Fortunately a) y'all had better experiences than me when you ordered, can you imagine how my rep would have been in the gutter?? and b) I have enough lingerie to last me till the end of days.

Point is, I commiserate. Now back to knitting