Thank You!

I'm in hermit-mode right now but I must write to tell you how exceedingly grateful we are to have received your wonderful comments on my last post.

My parents have read all of your encouraging words many times and are really floored by your generosity in taking time and effort to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We are confident these prayers are like doses of magic, designed to promote healing and restoration of balance.

My mother's operation was yesterday and how we're waiting for pathology results, to determine next steps. That info will likely not be available until next week - perhaps by the time I arrive in North Carolina to spend some quality and fun time.

Yeah, it stands to reason that cancer will be semi-regular downer (to put it mildly), hovering at the margins of our pleasant visit, and over the next few months, but now we must find a way to functionally integrate concern into daily life (something to savor and bless under all circumstances).

I don't really know how I feel about all of this right now. In some moments I am utterly my regular self. In others manically positive. Occasionally, and I'd be dishonest to omit this, I am afraid and sad. It overcomes me, seeps in at the margins of my consciousness. It's like a flood that comes out of nowhere. Mercifully, I have lots of metaphoric mops. And a metaphoric contractor to shore up the foundation. And then normal re-emerges.

I'll leave you with this: I went for my own check up yesterday - an exceptionally friendly and efficient experience. Hilariously, the technician told me about the "modesty divide" - how some women will try to find ways to wear a blue gown even as they're having a mammogram while still others are entirely non-plussed. She said this as I whipped off my clothes like Houdini. I mean, I don't have time to wait for someone to leave the room and become otherwise occupied while I take off my shirt and bra! Note: Wear your most gorgeous bra (though not one that's delicate if you're having ultrasound, cuz you'll have so much of that lubricant shit to wipe off, you don't want to risk any staining). Why not undress to impress, I say.

At any rate, to say these technicians have seen it all is an understatement. I mean, they have to smush  boobs into an x-ray machine day-in and day-out. Which I why I was entirely chuffed when my tech said, while looking at my chart: You're 43?! You're boobs look 33, max.

Yeah, I have managed to work this into every conversation I've had in the last 24 hours. And will continue to do so. And, don't lie, you would too. :-)

In Which I Ask For Your Support

The old axiom is true: You really never do know how you'll respond to shocking news. For example, when my father called me on Sunday to tell me that my mother has breast cancer, I was oddly calm. It helped that my father was stoic (he always is). In truth, I'm the kind of person who freaks about every meaningless thing and keeps it all together while the house is falling down.

This is in no way to imply the house is falling down. It's much easier to be calm when one has been assured that prospects for full recovery are very good. My mother is exceedingly fortunate that she found the tumor where and when she did, and that she has access to excellent medical care. She is young (65), healthy (other than this glitch, soon to be remedied) and highly knowledgeable about Western and alternative medicine. She is optimistic and exceedingly clean-living. Seriously - the woman is a juice-aholic vegan (the kind who gets adequate protein), doesn't drink, has never smoked and counts meditation amongst her vices. She's like the anti-Kristin.

As luck would have it, for her (not the cancer), she is the most willful person (other than my child) that I've ever come across. Cancer should quake in its boots. My mother is fucking scary.

I'm sharing this information (with my mother's blessing, of course) for a few reasons, not least of which is to remind you to check your breasts, like, every three minutes, for any suspicious behaviour. I, for one, have a mammogram and breast ultrasound booked on Friday morning. This is by no means my first mammogram (my maternal aunt also had breast cancer and is living a wonderful life more than 25 years later), but it is my first breast ultrasound. My mother's cancer is located in a spot (near the sternum) that was NOT traceable by mammogram. Ultrasound, however, caught the tumor immediately.

I'm also sharing the information to ask you all - my community through thick and thin - to keep my mother in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple of months of treatment - and particularly this Thursday when she's having surgery. Please, please, please sign our metaphoric petition to the universe to restore health and balance at the earliest opportunity.

I'm sure my mum would be thrilled to hear positive stories of recovery from cancer - yours or a loved one's - and any lessons learned (practical, metaphysical, psycho-emotional - I'll let you decide). I, and my sister, would be so grateful for any positive stories and practical tips for daughters.

We are resolved to approach this challenge with optimism, partly because it's indicated and partly because my mother is strongly of the perspective that optimism is a choice. Please join us in this action. xoxo

The Plain, Beige Bra Chronicles: Weird Denouement

OK, just to prolong the (uncalled for) mystery, I'm going to start this post with a sub-story and a proviso.

The proviso is that this tale ends with a Poe-worthy twist (though one that may disappoint you).

The sub-story is that I bought 3 bras on Figleaves, one of which being the Plain, Beige bra that works. Once again I was charged 60 dollars by customs - because Figleaves feels compelled to ship in boxes that catch the eye. I did not receive any meaningful discount on any of these three bras - which cost me, to begin with, $150 CDN. That's on the high-end for online lingerie, that isn't high-end lingerie. By the time all was said and done, I'd paid $210 CDN for 3 bras, 2 of which were horrible (more to come on this) and have since been returned (at the cost of an additional 12 bucks). While I will get $100 refunded for the returned bras, I've basically spent $120 bucks on the world's most basic, beige bra. And, as you'll read momentarily, one which is readily found for 50 bucks online.

The upshot, my friends, is that I am done with Figleaves.

Please do not misunderstand, the company is entirely professional and correct. The client service is excellent. The stock is huge. If I lived in the UK, I'm sure my love would continue. But there is no benefit to me, with my considerable knowledge of online bra-sourcing, to pay top-dollar, shipping and then ridiculous customs. Yeah, I know that Customs finds you on occasion. But my odds with Figleaves (either because they have a lot of profile, or because of the boxes they use to ship) puts me - and I'd hazard to suggest the average Canadian purchaser - at a real disadvantage.

But moving on...

Here's what happened. I looked online and determined that the Fantasie Elodie and Vivienne might be solid options. (In the end, I don't know which of these was less suited to me. Both had textured fabric the likes of which you'd find on a sofa. The seams were outrageous by any standards. The colours were meh. The fit was fine except one of them (can't remember but I think it was the Vivienne) was only nominally supportive. They were both ugly. Interestingly, neither was basic enough that you could pair it with non-matched undies, without it seeming totally unmatched. In no universe would I wear either.)

Anyway, at the same time - for some bizarre reason I cannot explain - I felt compelled to reorder (for the 8000th time since it stopped fitting me) the original perfect plain, beige bra:

Fantasie Smoothing Balconette (Style 4520)

Don't ask me why, you know, during the great, Online Shop Along I ordered it in 4 sizes (none of which fit as I seemed to be distinctly between cup and back sizes at that point). I also felt they'd changed the fabric slightly since the good-old-days, and it wasn't as supportive or slippery. You may recall, at this time, I found that my quite full-on-top boobs had become vaguely less so.

This bra is a challenge for many women because it requires a very specific sort of upper cup fullness (there being no seams though note that the fabric is not self-structured, it is floppy when unworn, like an unlined, seamed bra). Some women also feel that it doesn't provide enough side support.

Mind you, if it fits, it can be perfect because it really does disappear under all clothing and - despite the fact that I am totally unimpressed by the melon-round shape - it gives an awesome spherical look - and superior lift with support.

Well, I went back into my archives and realized that there was one potential size in which I hadn't yet ordered it - increased back size, increased cup size. (Note: While in the fall I was very much between cup sizes, at the moment I'm firmly into the larger of those two. And vis a vis band: While my back size seems to have gone down in many brands and styles, Fantasie definitely being one of them, this bra seems to fit quite firmly in the 32 band.)

People, this new size fit just about perfectly. Admittedly, when one has breasts of slightly different sizes, as most women do, this sort of bra is almost impossible. At least lined, molded bras (which I loathe and wouldn't wear for any reason) provide structure against the smaller breast (so you can't see wrinkling or shrinkage quite as readily under clothing). But it was back to the glory days for me!

If only it hadn't cost me $120 bucks (given that I've usually got it for under $50), it would have been perfect.

Of course, it is particularly anticlimactic to have spent hundreds of dollars sourcing a new, reliable standard only to return to the original but I am EXCEEDINGLY grateful that the original seems back to fitting me. I will admit that, on some level, this disturbs me no end, since I've seen this bra fit and then not fit, and there doesn't appear to be an alternative for me anywhere!?

So there you go. Thoughts or feelings??

The Fall Capsule Collection (Plus The Summer Series): New Things, Made on an Aptly-Named Weekend

OMG, people. My currrent job is nothing if not hopping. I am not complaining. I spend all days working with people to solve problems. I talk on the phone constantly - just like in a movie montage but with less attractiveness and more accountability. Happily, we generally solve the problems. But at the end of the day I wither like a flower that needs water. And, by water, I mean a Cab Sauv. And TV. And the floor (for yoga). (In truth, sometimes, these days I get home and keep working.)

Currently, I'm about 10 posts behind in telling you the absurd number things that are exciting me lately:

• How I've solved the plain beige bra conundrum. You have to read it to believe it.

• How I don't like Fantasie Vivienne or Elodie

• How I've come up with my next "knitting collection"

• How I'm going to get around having made a bunch of T shirts with fabric having the wrong weight and drape (Loss leader: It involves buying fabric)

• How there's this pattern I found (sewing) that I'm really tempted to buy! (Spoiler Alert: It's expensive)

• How I returned my latest purchases on the basis that I can't justify the cost ($325.00) given that I have so many clothes, I can't even wear them all. Not to mention that I could so make both of those items in a weekend - though that sweater fabric is delicious and one of a kind. OK, really that's all there is to that story. No need to turn it into a drama.

• How Gillian made me a fab colour palette that will, no doubt, turn into the backbone of my next sewing collection

• How I'm really psyched about the new season of lingerie - There are pictures!

And then there's the fact that I still haven't updated you on the outcome of my crafting weekend. Let's properly cross this one off the list.

To clarify - I sewed 5 garments and finished a triangle shawl. In case you're wondering, that amounts to LONG WEEKEND INSANITY.

I showed the new shawl blocking in my last post, though it now looks exactly like this (the version I made for my mother in the spring):

The sewn garments are, frankly boring to photo. I made 2 pairs of black yoga pants that are indistinguishable (though one pair is more poorly constructed than the other) and 3 tops.

Here's the scoop on the tops (and let me assure you, the Tshirt sewing is NOT over):

I have no idea what made me think that I could use a) exceedingly firm ponte (without enough of it to cut even my regular size, much less a slightly bigger size to account for additional ease) and b) exceedingly flimsy Tencel (which I've officially decided was crap fabric - this shit has disintegrated everytime I've sewn with it?!)

I ended up with a really nice, orange shell to fit a child (or a very narrow, slender grown up). And a blue exercise shell that was almost too drapey to hold itself up under my arms, especially in light of the fact that I didn't make the armhole binding strips small enough to accommodate the world's stretchiest textile. And a blue Tshirt that fits like something your mother would wear.

Lessons Learned:

• Using up scraps of fabric, just to use them up, yields dubious results.
• Drapey, thin fabrics make crappy t shirts - whether you sew them or buy them.
• If you don't have enough fabric, and you don't sew for children, just put that scrap in a bag and say goodbye.

BUT, to address my armhole raising experiment: It worked. It would have been perfect if that blue fabric had had any structure or if I'd made the armhole binding about an inch tighter. I will make another of these shells, but likely only when I have that amount of extra fabric - of the correct properties - lying around.

Mind you, I'm just getting started with the T shirts...

So, I've got all the yoga pants I'll need for 2 yrs, a couple of sleeping and yoga tops, a new shawl - and a plan. Not bad for a long weekend, don't you agree?

The Summer Series: Guernsey Triangle Shawl (Check!)

This (admittedly lovely) project represents a fuck of a lot of work that I didn't much enjoy - rare for a knitting project:

Guernsey Triangle Shawl (Pattern: Jared Flood, Yarn: Brooklyn Tweed, End result: I'm taking all the credit)

I made it with a different shade of Brooklyn Tweed yarn (Barn Owl vs. the Woodsmoke of my first foray) this time around. Hilariously, it looks EXACTLY the same (though I did block this one larger and I prefer the feel of this yarn).

It's the second time 'round (first one went to my mum) and I don't imagine I'll be making it again anytime soon. I warn you, it gives knitting tedium a new metaphor. But let's take five minutes to be grateful for its cuddly, elegant warmth. Oh, and the fact that it's done.

Whatcha think?

The Fall Capsule Collection: Factory-Style

Sometimes I'm oddly optimistic. For example, I somehow thought I'd have enough of all of my chosen fabric remnants to make garments willy-nilly. Um, here's a mathy little fact:

•  I make knits to fit about 34 inches across (accounting for negative ease). The armsyce requires a few extra inches of witdth, let's call it 36 inches all in, aka a yard of width required.
• Most knits are cut on the fold for a seam free front and back. In light of this, I need 18 inches of width (and 22 inches of length, FWIW) to get a shirt front or back. 
• If I use a 60 inch-width of fabric, that means I've got quite a bit of excess remaining, but not enough to cut another front or back. That would take 12 more inches and fabrics come in standard lengths. 72 inches is one I've rarely seen.

The upshot is that I generally end up with almost enough to make 2 t-shirts with a yard of 60"-wide fabric. But not.

This means I'm kind of fucked for V8323 with most of the fabric ends I have. It needs 2 yards of 60"-wide fabric (I double checked). Hmmm. In fact, I've got barely enough of most of my knits to make a T shirt or exercise shell.

Enter (potentially misguided) resourcefulness:

This represents 2 pairs of yoga pants, 2 KS3115 shells and a T shirt, made from my sloper...

 What you should know is this:

• Only the yoga pants and one of the T shirts is actually "cut according to the directions".

• The orange exercise shell is an XS (approx) in the back because that's all the fabric I had. Given that it's a firm ponte, it's quite possible that it will be too small.

• The light blue exercise shell has a deep slice (width wise, of course) at the waist along the side seam. I'm going to use fusible interfacing to adjoin it, and I also tried to cut it out to the best of my ability, but this is also fucking with size.

• On the blue shell, I also cut the binding in half width pieces, which will need to be joined before I attach them to the armholes and neckline. This is cuz there wasn't a piece of that fabric vaguely wide enough by the time I cut the second bodice shell. I even had to shorten the armhole binding (shorter than the new shortened length I determined when I made the last shell). I hope it will be long enough in light of the fact that this fabric is VERY stretchy.

So, there you go. I've got an altered list of items here - you may note that I'm making more yoga pants than originally intended and I've added a whole extra garment (the exercise shell). So, things are on a slight detour but it's all for the greater good, I suspect.

Today's questions: How much fabric do you need to make a T shirt? Do you find the whole fabric thing terribly wasteful, no matter how hard you try? Whatcha think of all of this? Do tell!

The Fall Capsule Collection: More About KS3115 V Neck Top

So, it appears that I do have a knit top sloper (though I suggested to Susan, in comments, that I do not). See, while I haven't really given much thought to my, hard won, T shirt sloper for like, over a year, technically, it does give me key info about the armsyce curve I require on a dart-free, knit top.

And really, what's KS3115, the V neck, if not a dartfree, knit top?

What I discovered is fascinating!

Y'all know - and pls. read this for more context - that I reverted from a weird small-med mash-up, back to a small for my next version of the KS, V-neck exercise top. When I was trying to figure out whether I'd have enough fabric to make shells and t shirts from my fabric remnants (post on this will follow), I ended up comparing the T shirt sloper to the size small, V neck top pattern and I realized a couple of key deets:

• Both tops are effectively the same in width and in length - eerily so. They also have almost identical shoulder seams.

• The only visible difference (aside from neckline, which is alterable depending on the version of a T shirt one chooses to make) is in the shape and depth of the armsyce. 

Man, those two armsyces are on different planets! No wonder KS3115 doesn't fit. Even with my reversion to the size small, the armholes are SO low and wide!

So, here's my fix (as yet untested in the exercise shell - though it does work for the, made-in-the-past, T shirt pattern):

Much as one must often alter a crotch curve (see here) one must also consider the best shape and depth of armhole. I've added about 2 inches of height to the side seam at the underarm and I've narrowed the side seams by about 1/2 inch. Having said this, and you can sort of see it in the first photo, when I reverted to the KS3115 size small, I actually left about 1/3 inch extra seam allowance on the front and back side seams as I wasn't convinced that it wouldn't be too small. (You can see it on the original pattern back piece but, the front piece is a tracing of the original so those seam lines aren't there.)

It seems that I'm slightly larger than a Kwik Sew small, but nowhere near as wide as the Kwik Sew medium - which is quite a bit wider than the small, truth be told. I love that my T shirt sloper corroborated this exactly in its dimensions. How fun is that?

So, I've cut out lots of patterns - T shirts and KS 3115 exercise tops (see tomorrow's post for more deets). It remains to be seen if they fit though, if my t shirt sloper is anything to go by - and I did spend lots of time on it a while ago - then this armhole should give me the look I want without mega-gaping at the front.

Thoughts or feelings??