Cognitive Dissonance

When I decided to forgo alcohol altogether for 2 weeks (and then practically forgo it for 3 more), I must have been high on drugs.

Oh, I know it's all part of my recalibration, the worthy means by which I'm going to be attractively wearing the smaller sized clothing in my closet once again in the future. But honestly (as I said to materfamilias lately): If booze makes you fat, then we've got a problem. Cuz I do not intend to live without it for any extended period.

Think what you will, at this point. If you're new to this blog, you may wonder if I have a problem. If you've known me for a long time, you may be amazed that I'm denying myself anything, for any reason.

Here's where I'm at, after week 1 of my return to moderateness, after a few months of living large. (Note: Apologies to those who find people writing about their eating habits to be way past boring. I agree, it's a special kind of narcissism, but y'all showed some interest in the plan, so I thought I'd tell you how it's going...):

Well, it's going. I'm doing all the things I said I would:

• No alcohol of any kind
• No refined sugar (save a small amount of chocolate in the evenings)
• More with the healthy fat and protein. Less with the carbs (I stay under 100 grams per day, which is in no way "low carb", according to those who practice that lifestyle, but is much less carby than what you find in your average first world diet. Once you kill baked goods, it's hard to get to 100 grams of carbs a day.)
  
• No junk food

Am I forgetting something? It's hard for me to focus when 80% of the fun in life has been stripped away.

Seriously, though, I'm not physically craving anything. I'm not hungry. I did have a day last week when I thought I was coming down with something. Looking back, I wonder if my body was a bit shocked by my abrupt resumption of the kind of moderate living that - I presume - helped me to go from being fatter than I wanted to be (years after having a kid), to the size and shape I would like to be - and which I have recently mildly deviated from in the name of happy extravagance.

The truth is you can become habituated to any kind of lifestyle and, at some point, you probably will. It's a precious few who go into middle age, with its attendant hormonal shifts and sedentary responsibilities, without losing the shapes taken for granted in youth, at least initially. The longer the life, the more opportunity one has to become attracted to bacchanalian, gustatory delights - and to satisfy that attraction. Sometimes you're going to go for the taste / get lazy / decide to eat gleefully despite the potential outcome (you choose the terminology).

Those stereotypical 1950s ladies never upsized their clothes, from youth to old age, because they were fucking careful. One might even say restrictive - though I prefer to say moderate. And yet, they managed to drink the booze. Hmmm.

You know how single-minded I am. Now that I've decided not to drink for 2 weeks, even though I'm really questioning the merit of that element of the recalibration, I'm all "I said I was going to do this, and now I'm going to do it dammit."

Never mind that it's wan and, frankly, immoderate.

In Case You Were Wondering If I'd Ever Sew Anything Again... (With Photos!)

Let me start by saying how much I appreciate all of you wonderful, knowledgeable sewists. In a fit of anxiety, I post (horrified) about puckered seams and before I know it I've got all kinds of expert solutions! Thank you so much.

Amongst them - should you ever find yourself with puckered seams in silk charmeuse:

• Try a walking foot. (I'm not sure if this helped in my case, but it didn't hurt. And I can imagine, depending on the silk and the machine, it could be very helpful.)
• Check out Gorgeous Things' method for pressing in steps - it totally works, peeps!
  
• Use a ham while pressing, if you're working some princess seams.

Then there are these, which I also considered / tried:

• Adjust stitch length - sometimes shorter is better, sometimes longer.
• Adjust tension. Generally low tension is better for silk, but I didn't find that.
• Use silk or cotton thread - not much help once you're half way through and/or using out-there whack colours.
  

The hardcore winner was pressing - something I hadn't yet tried (but intended to try) when I wrote my plea for help. You cannot press enough with this fabric. Inside and outside (use a pressing cloth if you're worried that the heat will alter the sheen of your silk).

At any rate, I put in a good 16 hours constructing this shirt - that's a long time given I had fit more or less sorted and I've made it before. Note: I did not find the Pendrell easy the last time I made it, though the instructions are excellent and clear. It takes some working knowledge of methods and some dexterity - at least when making version B. Having said that, I put this slog down to a) being out of practice and b) really fucking difficult fabric.

But look how pretty it is:





(Note: I don't know why blogger keeps compressing my photos and making their awesome quality look fuzzy and crap. You have to believe me when I say I took very nice pics...)

As I seem to so often these days, I'm calling this a qualified success.

The Good:

• The hem is gorgeous, inside and out.
• Ruffles worked very well.
• Binding method (inside) worked quite well, though was finicky on the neck. Very clean.
• The overall fit and colour of the garment.

The Mediocre:

• When my serger likes to slice and dice, it really does it with gusto. I had a couple of near misses (leaving hideous wrong side spots on the seams). I tried to improve them cosmetically by going over them again with the blade turned off, but the result was meh. I also had to do some reconstruction inside the serged seams (re-seaming with my machine).
• Even though I pressed the crap out of those puckered seams - and it made things 200 per cent better, easily - they're not perfect. I don't know if I'd do princess seams in silk again. That's a lot of seams with a potentially puckery fabric. You should note that these photos are unforgiving. On me, the puckering is barely noticeable. That's the plus of having boobs!
  
• The last time I made the Pendrell, I used a synthetic with utterly no stretch. And I still found the waist a bit large (I should have made the 8, instead I altered down the 10 so that was a residual challenge). I know this top needs to be roomy, given that there are no closures i.e. it has to fit over your head - plus, it's not meant to fit close - but, given my shape, it's a bit boxier than I'd prefer. This time, given that I had a lot of stretch, I brought the side seams in further. My execution was regrettably not perfect, but I think the shape is better on me. Word to those who are thinking of making the blouse: IMO, it's sized large.
  

On balance, I'm glad I've used up the cerise silk. It's been taunting me since I bought it - and it was really not much fun to work with. I'm happy to be able to move on to other fabrics - and all's well that ends well.

Next up: My pants sloper in stretch wool (another RTW fabric bought from my designer friend). I have every reason to believe this fabric will sew up without trauma. Not that I want to get over-confident!

Shout Out to the Experts: Fixing Puckering Silk Princess Seams

Egad, I'm back in the sewing saddle (sort of), making a second Pendrell Blouse using that cerise silk I've been to scared to use till now.

All was going very well (figured out how to do the inside binding technique that Tasia instructs in the pattern, which I glossed right over, by accident, the last time). The fabric, while it does water stain (tested on a scrap), did not shrink when steamed. It doesn't fray much. And I've figured out there's likely a very small amount of lycra in it. It has notably more cross grain stretch than any other of my other silk charmeuse. Since it's a fancy fabric, purchased from a designer who bought it from a mill, I imagine this was designed with RTW in mind.

And this, I sense, is the reason why my princess seams (and none of the others) are puckering.

Note:

• I'm using a 60 sharp (recommended needle for this kind of fabric).
• I've tested every tension on my machine (apparently lower tension is better for silk but it produced more puckering for me than higher tension - though the stitches are tight in that fabric...)
  
• I am using poly thread (which may be encouraging the problem, I realize, as the poly stretches in the stitching and then bounces back when sewn, but I haven't had this issue with other silk I've sewn.)
• Note: It's the slight stretch in the fabric itself which I suggest is causing the tension tug back after the sewing. And maybe the poly thread isn't helping. But I don't have ready access to cerise coloured silk thread.
• I have pulled on the seams to lengthen them. Hasn't done much good, but hasn't done any harm.
  
• I haven't yet pressed the crap out of seams from the wrong side - my next plan of attack, after rest- hanging the shell overnight on my dress form. I realize, short of ripping out the seams - a very risky venture with silk charmeuse - this is my best remedy attempt, unless someone has another suggestion.
  

It's very frustrating to do everything by the book - and to produce increasingly thoughtful, sound workmanship - only to encounter the ever-looming "sewing challenge" 3/4 of the way through construction. Really, sewing is so much more stressful - so much harder (IMO) - than knitting. I mean, it's harder to find the perfect material to work with, then physically harder to cut it out and mark it up (just that takes hours). Then you've got to sew it up and hope for perfection though something is bound to go out of whack at any moment. Then you've got to figure out the solution to the problem. Then put it into action it, all the while, hoping that said solution will a) work and b) not cause another challenge. Natch, knitting has its hard moments and some of these same challenges but they seem to happen, relatively speaking, at the pace of a snail - and sitting in the garden. And you're never totally fucked with knitting; you can always rip out the stitches and remake that fabric. It's the process of addition, not subtraction, that creates the knitted garment.

Ah, I'd forgotten that lovely sewing anxiety buzz, coupled with a headache from scrunching for 8 hours. It's not ameliorated by my inability to dull it with a nice glass of wine (see here).

So experts, what say you? Please tell me the pressing's gonna work. Or suggest another solution that doesn't require ripping out the stitches or finding silk thread.

Thank you.

Pool of the Week

Photo courtesy of Desire to Inspire

The fabulous thing about this particular pool is that it belongs to a bed and breakfast in Belgium. Now, I didn't stop in Belgium this summer (though I railed through it from Amsterdam to Paris), but I understand it combines all of the best features of both the Netherlands and France, while retaining its chic individuality.

Think about it, any place that has the best fries, beer, chocolate and waffles has too be good. Add to it this little gem of a pool and you have yourself a vacation.

I want to go to Belgium. Sigh.

Not Every One's A Winner

The Wispy, she is done, and has been given to my child because:

• She really wanted it.
• It didn't fit me (too big in sleeves but the sweater part - below the shrug - wasn't wide enough to accommodate my chest. Should have done longer short rows, I guess. Good lesson.)
  
• I don't like it.
• It looks chic on her lanky frame.
  

To wit:

See that gape at the back shoulder? It does the same thing on me and on other photos I've seen. Don't love sleeves that can't fit because the drafting doesn't allow for it. I realize it's probably "the look".

She wants you to know that she really is too cool for school.

Do you see the hideous bag in that sleeve? I knit it so tightly it was ridiculous and yet the ribbing looks like crap.

Some things to note:

• I don't like what silk does to the drape (at least with this yarn in this proportion of 20%).
• If you decide to make this, though I don't recommend it, and you are busty, extend the short rows where the sweater body is knit down from the shrug ribbing.
• Feel free to throw Chloe & Spud fine sock yarn in the washer and dryer. No felting. But also no shrinking. In fact, I think the weave opens up still further in the dryer. (Note: I was using a larger gauge of needle than one would for socks.)

I'm happy to be finished with this, and to have learned new lessons. Stay tuned for info about my latest finished knit item - an AWESOME scarf. That story is much more fun than this one.

Recalibrate

I had one of those lovely opportunities to reflect upon my lifestyle today as, this morning, a formerly loose skirt fit - um - snugly. Oh, and further to yesterday's throw away comment about the skinnies, I sense technically I now am in need of a size up. I guess you can say that "opportunity" is the economical code word for "I totally lost my shit and quietly conceded that the jig is up".

Let me articulate this clearly: I have eaten everything I desired, chemical composition-be-damned, for the last three months. I have drunk half-bottles of wine at dinner routinely. I have had little exercise, other than walking, unless gardening counts. I have baked many an item and I am a very good baker. I have traveled to Europe and Montreal - lands of the yummy restaurants and boulangeries.

It is not surprising that I have gained weight. But it's still a shock that my not-thin skirt is not loose.

On the plus side, this turn of events has given me a chance to create my very own "diet plan" - which is actually quite a lot of fun to do (if not to follow). I'm in no way surprised that all kinds of celebrities and "nutritionists" are getting in on the game.

I've decided to call mine the "Fuck?! My Clothes Barely Fit Recalibration Plan" a) because I don't believe in diets (obviously) and b) it adequately sums up the motivator and the angst in one simple name. I can see the book deal in my near future, yes?

Let's start with the premise: Life is long. Metabolisms change. Lifestyles change. Appetites change. Metabolic homeostasis is delicate. (Doesn't it seem like I have a higher degree in nutritional science?) One's job is not to be ever static in one's size and shape but to be resilient in the face of change, when one decides it is necessary.

And really, what's the truest motivator for getting a grip? Those of you who said healthful longevity - get to the back of the freakin' line. The truest motivator is horror at the thought of needing to buy new clothes (or make them, or borrow them, or knit them etc.)... Who has piles of money and time for that shit? Who feels good about going out and buying her skinnies in the next size up (unless, natch, she's been trying to gain a bit of weight)? Um, hello, I already have good clothes in a size I can get with.

Another motivator: Actually feeling gross. How much can one indulge before it gets old, before it layers on all of the other indulgences and drags? I don't like this puffy feeling.

So, let me outline the Phases. (Of course there are phases. This is after all, a future best-selling weight-adjustment plan.)

Phase 1 aka the "Don't Go Gently" (Two Weeks): This is the phase that's supposed to be really effective because it hurts. I'm hoping that my plan somehow forestalls the pain while achieving the outcome but, if it doesn't, I'll have to make hurt for gain (I mean, loss) seem compelling.

It includes:

• Very few carbs (sob). Vegetables and the occasional small serving of beans, rice or slice of bread are encouraged, but this is about reverting to the low carb system.
• No booze. I know, I gasped just writing that. According to many women of a certain age (and by that, I mean my mother), alcohol is inefficiently metabolized by the forty-something woman and it goes straight to the waist. Fuck. But remember, this isn't forever. Just for a couple of weeks to rebalance things.
• Lots of protein. Read all the other books if you want to know why. Also, it's good.
• Daily ration of chocolate. It's my gimmick. And it's got phyto nutrients and can satiate while inhibiting appetite when used appropriately. Yes, I did just refer to chocolate "usage".
• Other than the chocolate, and the odd serving of berries or peaches (what, I'm only human?!), no sugar, refined or otherwise.
• Happily, all kinds of dairy, having varying fat contents, are welcomed in small quantities in Phase 1. Also welcome: reasonable portions of nuts, seeds and unsweetened almond milk.
  

Phase 2 aka "Does this mean Phase 1 is Over?" (Three Weeks):

• For better or worse, this the same as Phase 1 except you get to drink a daily white wine spritzer (2.5 oz wine). Can you believe I just came up with that?! You may think the spritzer is a tasteless relic of the 80s but, chances are, you formulated that opinion having observed a lot of people (your parents' age?) going into their 40s and dealing with this apparent "alcohol makes you fat" syndrome. To qualify: Half a bottle of wine, drunk routinely in early middle age, arguably makes you fat. Spritzers simply increase your hydration and support the bottled water industry.

Phase 3 aka "The Phase You Stick with Until You Don't and Eventually It's Time to Go Back to Phase 1" (Your call on duration):

• Occasionally, i.e. every third day but no more frequently than that, you are welcome to fool around with rations of carbs i.e. turn that serving of rice (and every other carb you intend to eat that day) into a slice of homemade flan. Or you can turn it into a plate of porcini pasta with cream. Lord, I want to be in Phase 3.
• You get 5 oz. booze per day. That's it. Drink it in 3 spritzers if you must and call it Pinot Noir Soda. Or, you can save up 2 night's ration and have 10 oz in one night. But no more carry over than that. For example: You can forgo your glasses on Wed. and Thurs. and have 2 glasses on Fri. and 2 on Sat., but that's the extent of it. You can't save up you week of wine and binge one day a week. (What is this, the Adolescent Diet?)
  

I'm tempted to bemoan the unkindness of age but, really, I've been pushing the envelope for quite a while and, till pretty recently, the centre was holding. I've enjoyed my immoderateness tremendously and I hope to experience it again many times in the course of my life. However, I don't want to be 20 lbs heavier at 50 than I was at 40 - if the equation is at all within my control with lifestyle moderation. Eating indulgently is a fabulous joy one should never regret. But regaining balance is another kind of pleasure. Here's to the best of both worlds.

EuroLoot: Wedge-Heel Boots - Amsterdam

Boots by Fred de la Bretoniere

These were the steal of the vacation. Like, the only steal. I got these on sale from (something like) 200 euros for 89 euros. They'd just been marked down for the second time when I walked into the store. They were the only pair left.

They are going to kill with a pair of skinnies and a fall jacket.

Note to self, and everyone else, if I don't stop eating every carb on the planet (just back from weekend in Mtl., doncha know), I'm going to have to buy myself a whole new size of skinnies. Hmmm.