Sunday, April 28, 2013

After Pertussis - A Review

It's been a while, so I thought I'd update you on how I'm feeling after Sickfest 12/13... You may recall, 8 months ago I contracted pertussis.

I'm happy to report that all acute symptoms are gone. I can breathe. I can sleep. I can eat. (Trust me, this one's not a problem.) I no longer cough from the pertussis. The ulcers on the back of my throat are gone. I don't look sick anymore.

But I'm not quite myself.

For starters, I won't touch anything (that isn't in my own sphere) without using some kind of barrier (gloves, clothes, paper towels). Yeah, I have become a crazy lady in this way. As I have no idea how on earth I contracted such a hideous sickness, given that I was in good health, I'm very anxious about - well - catching everything.

Now, many of you know that I am not the most sanguine of creatures at the best of times. Pretty classic-case germ-phobia is an ongoing thing for me. But this is a new kind of anxious - and mercifully one which I do feel slowly receding - accompanied by my utter horror to be around illness of any kind. Colds freak me out. Sick children, ditto. People who wear masks on the street almost do me in. I don't know if they're afraid of me or if I should be afraid of them.

I still have occasional challenges with throat mucous and "choking". My trachea is obviously still on a healing-curve. But it's like nothing compared with the serious phase of the illness.

Mouth ulcers are more prevalent. In truth, these were a challenge for me from childhood, as I used to get rounds of cluster canker sores for just about any reason. Then I had a baby, at which point they mysteriously went away and barely ever return. Mind you, they've been worse in the last while than they have been for years.

Then there's fatigue. I need a good 10 hours of sleep to function these days. I've always been an 8-9 hr person, but this is really off the charts. How does one accomplish anything?? I do sense that the summer, with its additional light, is going to be critical to my long-term return to total health.

In terms of my ability to focus, this is slowly but surely returning. Thank God. I really couldn't fix on anything there for a while. Thinking was tough. Acting on thoughts was tougher. Fatigue then inserted itself into the equation and made things tougher still.  On a related note: depression, caused by a term of Prednisone to keep my trachea from closing, and by intense sickness that sucked the will out of me, is happily a thing of the past. Alas, see above, anxiety, she lingers (well, she knows she's got a place at the table).

The final thing I've really noted is that my level of fitness has taken a huge hit. I'm a fairly fit person, though with ebbs and flows. I walk at least one way to work each day (40 minutes), I do yoga (though ever less frequently and intently, it would seem), I garden, I cycle. I'm one of those "real world" fit people - not one of those TV-fit people.

Mind you, having struggled to find the energy to walk some days, and having just tortured my body with a few hours of gardening I might formerly have taken for granted, I can say I have experienced notable waning of residual fitness (those youth points are wearing off) and even less motivation.

I intend to make this summer about rediscovering my body's strength, flexibility and focus. I must reconnect with that and, while I'm at it, I've got to stop eating sweets. As I started to get better, my palate changed. Protein is of little interest. All I want is carbs (preferably sweet ones). I can't stand certain foods I used to eat constantly, pre-sickness. For the last 3 months, I've surrendered to this urge. Partly, my sense of discipline - formerly very developed - has gone on a long vacation. Partly, I've been enjoying my appetite. Partly, I refuse to get fussed about something as stupid as food composition when the world is fleeting. However, I've returned to my former weight and my shape, usually toned at any weight, is rather dull and, well, unfit. So gotta get on that bandwagon. Sigh.

Since I got sick (beginning of Sept. 2012), I experienced a month of bad illness, 6 weeks of acute illness followed by another 2 months of feeling hideous constantly. Two months after that were about improvement, but in a phase of tremendous cold and dark. It's hard to return to yourself in a time of hibernation. The last 6 weeks have seen improvements on the energy and focus fronts (the other physical symptoms having largely abated) but I know I need more sun and warmth to complete the metamorphosis.

Anyway, that's an 8-month experience I could have done without. And yet, I am grateful DAILY to have had such a good healing-process, in the scheme of things. I haven't met many people who've had pertussis, but I suspect I'll be meeting more as children are vaccinated less frequently and, as adults with reduced immunity (given that their childhood vaccinations have waned) come into contact with them. Everyone I've met, though, having formerly experienced the illness, has physically shuddered while they described the intensity and length of the illness.

Don't get the vaccination for yourself - though, really, if you're even vaguely sickly at the best of times and moving towards your last third of life, it could kill you I suppose. Get it for the tiny, perfect baby who belongs newly to the person you sit next to at work. Get if for your grandmother, who's always been incredibly healthful but is now pushing 90. Get it for the person you sit next to on the subway, currently on radiation therapy though you'd have no way to know. Those are the people it's rather likely to kill. And then be very glad to know that you will never experience what I can tell you is a horrible thing. It's like a bonus.

24 comments:

  1. Wow, what an ordeal to go through!!!! So glad you're on the mend. I know rough times like those really makes one appreciate the days of good health. I'm praying/hoping for your complete recovery and this whole situation will soon be a thing of the past!!!! P.S. I commend you for hanging in there and having a good attitude about it all. I imagine at times that was hard to do!!!

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    1. It's true that I prize good health more than ever. I don't know that I've had a good attitude - just ask my husband :-)

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  2. Kristin, this is just such a thoughtful and interesting post. Your last two paragraphs are so important, and powerful because they come straight from the heart. I'll be sharing this far and wide :-)

    I hope the rest of your journey to full strength is a quick one!

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    1. Thanks Kat. Do spread the word - please!

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  3. oh goodness! i had no idea, i must have started following you after all that. here's to improved health!

    i'm with you on the vaccinations, i think the movement against is doing more harm than good. you're absolutely right--you never know what compromised immune system you're sitting next to. my older sister has been through cancer treatments twice in her life and i remember how a tiny cold would land her in the hospital for days.

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    1. I'm thrilled to know that you didn't have any idea! It means that maybe, I'm not quite as much of a huge complainer as I feel I have been. I hope that your sister is recovered from her cancer and that she is doing very well now.xo

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  4. You know it doesn't seem to be an illness as much as a life altering event. I am glad to hear that things have improved. It's an awfully long recovery.

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  5. Thanks for this post Kristin. It is somewhat comforting to hear what you are saying as feeling similar - anxiety from random illness, loss in physical stamina, etc. etc.

    It is amazing how world altering a brush with illness can be. It is the randomness of it all that I find most disturbing and that causes me the most anxiety. Not knowing why how or if/when it might strike again...

    A mindfuck, in short.

    I hear you...

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    1. It really sucks, yes? (to put it mildly) The randomness is highly disturbing. Mind fuck pretty much describes it. (I hope that you will be feeling your normal self very soon...)

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  6. This has been one hell of an ordeal. I'm not surprised you're still unsettled and anxious about it. Roll on summer, I say, and full health.

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  7. Oh Kristin! I really feel for you... the last eight months were a different type of sickness hell for me and I was on steroids as well making me feel awful. I only now feel like myself again and I'm not used to it. Also—hurrah for vaccines! They are the best public health tool we have to prevent and stop outbreaks and protect the most vulnerable from deadly illnesses.

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    1. M: You have been through such a horrid winter too, I know. I think of you and your family often, hoping that you will all be very healthy and stress-free soon.

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  8. Thanks for the update. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Thanks, also, for the great reasons to get vaccinated. I am a great proponent for vaccination. I know that children these days get many vaccinations and some parents are concerned about the longterm effects. I just wish everyone knew of your and others experiences with diseases that can be avoided by vaccination. I'm so glad you are mainly on the mend. The light of summer is a wonderful healer.

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    1. Today was sunny and warm and I felt SO wonderful. I can't wait for more of the same! I really hope parents don't stop vaccinating or we are in for a very long slog of serious illness in our population.

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  9. Having had my own injury ordeal in the last year, I can totally understand how illness changes you - it certainly changed my view of myself. Even once you are physically healed/recovered there are still other things to get over.

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    1. It really is so changing. And, as you know, that Prednisone (even as it's very helpful and necessary) is a bitch.

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  10. NOTE TO SELF: Get vaccination re-upped! I've been dismayed, over the past years, to note how many are opting out of vaccinations, especially for their kids, because of concerns for which the science is really sketchy. Your bout with pertussin is a really good example of what vaccines keep us from, and also of the value of what epidemiologists call "herd immunity." I hope you continue to recover, gradually regaining not just your fitness but also your confidence in it.

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    1. Oh, please do!

      I've cycled to and from work over the last 2 days and I'm really hoping to do some more gardening tomorrow. Yoga is on the horizon for the weekend. If only I can avoid the zillions of sweets I crave constantly...

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  11. I'm so glad you're over the worst of it. Once you've been really ill you realise how important all that stuff people take for granted is!

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    1. You, of course, know exactly of which you speak! Wise words.

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