Wardrobe Staple

Just a quick post to tell you about a wardrobe staple I discovered when in Barcelona this summer.

Ever worn these?

Hue Denim Leggings - This is the curvy style, but there are numerous styles and washes to choose from...

Alas, they don't come with that ass.

At any rate, I found these at El Corte Ingles, a mid-range Spanish department store (which is so much better than any mid-range Canadian department store), having never noticed them in Canada before. I decided, since I've been doing the skinnies since @ 1978, that I might as well give them a try. I mean, at 50 bucks (style and vendor depending), they cost much less than a pair of yoga pants from Lulu Lemon.

I can tell you, having now bought 2 additional pairs (available at the Bay), in diff washes but still skinny, that these things save my butt multiple times a week. First off, they're freakin' leggings, so I feel like I'm wearing pajamas. Secondly, the rise is high, so I don't get muffin top. Thirdly, the proprietary stretch denim, used to make these things, is totally awesome. They're both denim and leggings all at the same time - but they look 100 per cent like jeans. And finally, you can wear all of your long-ish figure skimming tops minus the ruinous look of a belt.

You will never find less pricey, more comfortable pants than these. And they're chic with your boots!

Really, just go out and buy them and then tell me what you think.

In Case You Thought I Was Joking...

Kristin-made Skin Care

The recipe could have made 5 containers of peppermint lip balm, but I didn't know and I only had 4, so now I'm rubbing half set balm all over my legs and torso... Took 10 minutes to put this together and another 10 to clean up. Not to mention it smells and feels awesome. In a fancy store you'd have spent 15 bucks on it. Cost me about a dollar a container (and that was mostly the cost of the container).

And no, I will never buy lip balm again.

PS: This is edible (not that you'd want to eat locally-sourced, organic beeswax).

Alchemy

I have always loved potions - as I've mentioned many times on this blog. I was that teenager with an organic essential oil collection. Put something that smells good - and feels great - in a gorgeous glass bottle and I am sold.

I dabbled in making oils, lotions and scrubs in my early 20s and then I met my husband. He was not into bombardment by numerous fragrances as I practiced my witchy art. So, in the interests of solidarity, and because my life went on new trajectories in early adulthood, I left the chemistry behind.

However, I've never abandoned my love of self-annointing with all the things that smell divine. As y'all may know, I am at my most sensory when it comes to taste and smell. I'm that person who can tell you what grape the person at the next table is drinking. I'll tease out the secret ingredient in your special dessert, the one that no one else can put her finger on. Sure, the flip side is that I'm most likely to throw up semi-regularly, at the whiff of anything, when pregnant. But happily, it's unlikely I'll ever revisit that state again.

I consider myself exceedingly lucky to be as scent-sory as I am and, given how I'm motivated to find all the ways I can enjoy living in my body (especially in the last couple of years), I recently decided to take up my sorcery again.

It doesn't hurt that my kid discovered scented candles last year (hideous ones) and I observed that my husband doesn't have the heart to tell her to throw them away. Strikes me that, if he's willing to smell chemical sludge to keep her happy, my natural stuff will barely register. Note to self: I should take up toxin-free candle-making at some point in the near future.

At any rate, the other day I found myself at this shop I've never heard of, though it's around the block from me and it's been there for a while. Let's call it kismet cuz they sell all the ingredients for potion making - from the sustainably produced, ripe-nut shea butter (a canary colour I've never seen), to the locally made hydrosols and nut oils. Did I mention they also sell all the glass bottles that cost a bomb to ship and never seem to be available locally?

I do feel like I fell down the rabbit hole when I walked into this shop - it was like the most absurd skit Portlandia has ever conceived. At one point, the SA feigned shock at the fur hat (yeah, it was -20C, I was in fur from head to toe) that I was holding in my hand as I shopped. She thought it was a toy dog, apparently.

Somehow the experience took an entire hour and, at some point, I started talking with all the organic ladies about our birth experiences and methods of natural contraception. Two of the clients shopping with me were registered midwives in their spare time. Not one of us had experienced a hospital birth (with multiple children between us). If you've never been asked if you check your cerivcal mucous daily - by someone you don't know - you're really not missing out.

I was utterly bemused by the whole, nutty experience till I it occurred to me that I too had had a home birth and I practice a method of natural birth control (have done since my mid-twenties). Yeah, I'm a yoga person. Not to mention I was in that shop to purchase organic and sustainable precursors to natural skincare so that I could make it for myself in my own kitchen. Fuck. (Thank goodness I could sideline utter stereotyping on the basis that I was wearing commercially produced lipstick and fur.)

Cut to this morning, when I decided to experiment by making lotion. I will revisit this topic (and provide a recipe, once I've tweaked one that doesn't produce thinly-veiled grease). Let me just say that it was entirely fun, if only moderately successful. But, hey, lots of peeps can't even get their natural potion to emulsify on first try, so I don't feel as if I've failed. And, since potion-making is often merely cooking with edible ingredients you won't eat, I felt entirely liberated to experiment as I went. My thin lotion was ameliorated in a jiffy with some cornstarch from the cupboard. I used all of my intuition and chemical knowledge from cooking (the art at which I am most in my element) to produce a product I will happily use. Moreover, I can see many gifts - in the name of product-testing - for my friends in the near future.

So, today's questions: Are you some crazy, granola potion-maker? (Personally, I prefer to see myself in the vein of European apothecarist..) Would you ever give it a go? Let's talk!

From Pain to Equilibrium: Self-Bodywork

I'm always on the fence about these chronic pain posts because I sense that they freak people out. Look, chronic pain is not a sexy topic, but I really do feel that this information is important to put out there, if only because it may resonate with a few people (now or somewhere down the road).

On the positive side, today's post is one of optimism and practicality. The focus is Self-Bodywork because, honestly, in the last couple of months I've discovered two, closely-aligned (if differently articulated) methods that have been incredibly effective. Furthermore, if you live in an urban centre, chances are you will have access to those who teach these methods.

Each of these methods comes with books and props (and videos if you like that sort of thing). You might think that one technique would obviate the other (or that they'd clash), but not so! I combine both methods with yoga and call it a hybrid.

Remember, I'm operating under the premise that much chronic pain - and certainly mine - falls into the myofascial category (involving the fascia that surrounds, infuses and interconnects muscles of the body). When one experiences myofascial chronic pain, brain/body equilibrium erodes (for any number of reasons) and one's nervous system starts to autonomically control the action of the muscles via excitation or sensitivity. The outcome is that the brain sends neurochemical messages, via connective tissue (or the muscles which that connective tissue surrounds and lives within) which are interpreted by various parts of the body as pain.

OK, with definitions out of the way, meet the methods I highly recommend:

MELT Method

I don't want to mislead you into thinking that this book is well-written. It's in desperate need of a decent editor, IMO, but the information is so valid that I urge you to pretend this woman can string together a bunch of paragraphs into a full book.

The Premise: You can find more about it here, but here's the gist: "The MELT Method is a breakthrough self-treatment system that restores the supportiveness of the body's connective tissue to eliminate chronic pain, improve performance, and decrease the accumulated stress caused by repetitive postures and movements of everyday living." FYI, MELT stands for Myofascial Energetic Length Technique. Stuck stress inhibits the balanced functioning of one's nervous system, so the method purports, and moving into these areas with a specific prop (a specific roller or small balls for hand and feet), in addition to applying mind-body awareness (via breathing), can reverse the process. This can only happen as adhesions (scarred or dehydrated connective tissue) are worked with the props and then rehydrated (so you drink a lot of water before and after - well, all the time really).

The Gear: 

• A pool-noodle-like roller that you can only get on the website (or at a studio that teaches the method - though none of the studios that teach it in TO sell the rollers). It does not feel anything like a pool noodle and you cannot substitute anything else. I was skeptical about it's special-snowflakeness, before I shelled out the money, but having worked with it, I do believe it's induplicable. This prop is sublime. Look, there are MANY things in this world about which I am not fit to comment, but when it comes to props, I know my shit. This one is applicable to so many activities besides the MELT method (yoga, for example), that it's worth buying even if you don't want to practice the method. 

• There's also a hand and foot kit (comprised of balls and elastics) that I wish I'd bought at the same time. I was being cautious, having not yet seen the roller (which costs 80 USD, before 20 USD shipping). I could have saved 40 bucks because, having used the roller, I promptly purchased the hand and foot props, which haven't yet been delivered. I'm confident, on the basis of what I've learned so far - from practice in addition to research - that the balls would be a terrific salve for those who suffer from systemic foot issues (um, me) or injuries like repetitive strain (a myofascial condition according to certain experts). FWIW, as a body-worker with a reasonable amount of experience, I absolutely believe that the majority of RSI pain is myofascial. 

Kristin's Take: What can I say? I love this technique. It has helped me to diminish so much pain - pain I didn't even consciously know was there - and to relax in a profound way. I feel awesome after doing this - not a bit tired, not like I'm going to be sore the next day. I am energized but relaxed, increasingly mobile, agile and it's great for my mood. Really, I feel a neurochemical shift when I do this very moderate activity.

Bizarrely (and totally unexpectedly), it's rather effective for reviving abdominal muscle tone, more so than tons of rather advanced yoga asana, and I have a theory about this: it's about the breathing while relaxing and while doing a minimal amount of (very conscious) movement. When correcting chronic pain, less is most definitely more. You've got to get around the pain response without triggering it. For those of us who stop at nothing, this is a really tricky skill to learn.

Admittedly, I use ujjayi (a yogic version of deep diaphragmatic) breath as I perform these exercises, which contributes just by virtue of bringing about a precipitous drop in cortisol, I'm sure. But the ujjayi breath also requires deep muscle contraction at the end of the exhalation. Tight connective tissue limits one's body's ability perform that contraction and MELT movements loosen connective tissue.

On the subject of less being more, I injured my knee cap recently (patellofemoral injury) while overdoing low-lunges in the yin style. First knee injury ever. As I've been working to correct it, this technique has been invaluable. It's helping me, not only to calm the trigger point muscles that have pulled my knee cap out of alignment - and hurt the cartilage, but to determine from where the injury originates.

FYI, this book (which has nothing to do with the MELT method) is very useful in assisting one to understand knee and foot imbalances / injury from a myofascial perspective - and it gives useful info about the difference between the origin of pain (the "original" trigger point) and satellite trigger points - which you can resolve all day long, but that won't fix the problem. I highly recommend it for those who run or walk long distances.

Cost: It's gonna cost you about 150 bucks to get going with MELT, but it will pay for itself many times over (as long as you do the work). Mind you, the "work" is so phenomenally PLEASANT - and effective - that you'll be MELTing all the freakin' time, rather than for 10 minutes 3 times a week (minimal recommendation for effect). I don't know how anyone can practice for a mere 10 minutes! I get started and I need to work every muscle. But that's me...

I use the roller in addition to the Roll Model balls (see below) and create a sort of Pilates Reformer multi-prop gizmo. But keep in mind, I have many other props to support this and I really know how to use props / what I'm trying to accomplish in my body. I'm not suggesting that someone who's new to movement therapy is going to have as notable a response, as quickly, as I have. Still, if your initial response is half that of mine, it will still have been more than worth it.

Roll Model Method

This book is only nominally better written than the MELT one. But it is better organized and I feel it presents a more coherent case on the nature of myofascial pain. Oh, and while I'm at it, isn't it bizarre that both of these women look exactly the same? Um, is it law that California fitness-instructors must all be blond, long-haired, buff and as white as can be? I could handle some diversity.

The Premise: Well, it's pretty much exactly the same as the one that underpins the MELT method. This one takes a more "active" stance and focuses on athletes and "peak performance". Is this one being marketed to the the young people? Absolutely. Is the MELT method marketed to those with more of an holistic bent and those that are older? Yup.  

Thing is, whether you're 20 or 80, whether you're experiencing chronic pain or not, these methods can assist you in avoiding injury and pain throughout your life. They have little appeal to pain-free, athletic young people, I'm sure, no matter what their preferred form of activity. But that's gotta change. If I'd started doing this 20 yrs ago, I'm confident I wouldn't have experienced the majority of pain I'm dealing with now. And I've been rather fit for most of my life! The truth is that the immobility and pain we associate with age is not about age as much as it's about loss of equilibrium and tone specifically in connective tissue. When you're old, you've simply been around longer and have had more opportunity to experience the impacts of that disequilibrium.

The Gear: Not to be confused with the Hand and Foot balls (devised as part of the MELT method, see above), this method uses balls under the Yoga Tune Up brand. To buy the Roll Model balls, you need to go to a vendor who sells them (a yoga studio, generally) or to the Yoga Tune Up website. I bought some at a local studio and others (out of stock at the studio) online. Numerous sizes of balls are used for specific muscle groups. Other props are recommended to support the balls (i.e. wooden yoga blocks) but you can generally prop the body using things you've got at home.

Cost: This method costs about 75 bucks (for book and props) and the balls - unlike that MELT roller - are entirely travel friendly.

Kristin's Take: I will never leave home without these things again. I love them and they work better on small or slender, less-tight muscle groups for me (i.e. calf and ankle area) given that I'm a small person and that the MELT roller can be too soft to get into pain that's very deep. Note: Don't assume you know what body parts have the most tender trigger points. It's not as you'd imagine, in many instances. I do feel that these balls, of all the many sizes, can get into the long outer leg muscles better than anything. And they're great in the gluteal area.

I do have to say that I'd never buy this woman's videos, just on the basis of having heard her voice, in a free video, on the website. It's SO annoying that even my mother couldn't take it. I don't know how she's made such a name for herself teaching, with such an irritating mien.

To Summarize this book of a review:

It's difficult for me to quantify how effective each method is on its own, because I use all the props and methods in an integrated, hybrid method that includes yoga asana. My chiropractor did tell me, this week, that I have improved exponentially and I can feel it. I do have waves of chronic pain (associated with hormones), but it's tolerable because I have confidence that it will resolve while I continue to perform myofascial movement therapies and use complementary techniques.

My parents used the Roll Model balls for the first time recently: I walked them through some Kristin-devised sessions over our hols in Mtl (disclaimer - I hadn't yet read the book, so I was using a lot of intuition) - and they were SO floored by the effectiveness that they promptly went out and bought the entire Roll Model series of balls for themselves and my sister. And none of them considers him or herself to be an experiencer of chronic pain. So that's quite a recommendation. If only they'd been able to try the MELT roller, I'm pretty sure they'd have been at least as sold.

What I will say is that, if I were going to choose one over the other, I'd choose MELT - because it's more focused on breath (a key element of chronic pain reduction) and the prop is better suited to a wider range of large-muscle action. Furthermore, MELT has a ball component (for hands and feet). You do equal amounts of movement in both methods, but MELT is somewhat more holistic, if the book is less well written and less-explanatory of the issues. MELT is also more suitable for those with serious pain (IMO), because the prop is subtler.

Keep in mind, though, MELT is more expensive and I thoroughly love Roll Model too. So if you can't take a pricey plunge, get the Roll Model balls.

Again, my experience of body work is long-standing and I know how to use these props - even just intuitively - in a comprehensive way. I'm not imagining that everyone will gain as much from this as I have, as quickly, so I do recommend that you take classes, if at all possible. In the interests of taking my own advice, I'm signed up for 5 weeks of MELT classes starting in late January. And I'm going to do a Yoga Tune Up workshop in February at a local yoga studio.

So, today's questions: Have you tried either of these methods and, if yes, please do share your experience of them! Do they seem appealing to you? Are you drawn to one more than the other? Let's talk!

In Case You Thought I Was Sane...

Writing this as much a note-taking exercise for me as it is for anyone out there who may be interested...

During this holiday, I've tried countless new teas. Like really, I can't exactly remember how many and there are still some in transit.

Yesterday, I hit Tealish and Teavana yet again (not that there were any sales remaining) because I'd done some stealth research on terrific, lesser-known teas produced by both companies. Have you ever heard of Steepster? When you become like the crazy cat lady of teas, this is where you go to check out what's what. Note: I've declined to leave my own reviews on the site. I can only take an obsession so far.

My family members, semi-jokingly, say I have a problem. And just to hit that contention head on, if having a problem means hydrating one's body infinitely more frequently than ever, while eschewing wine, when the teas in question are free of caffeine naturally, then fine. Have at it.

Yeah, I know that spending 300 bucks on tea in a month is not moderate (and I'm not talking about last month), but we know I'm not moderate. Way to be true to myself! Now that bras have become such a challenge, I need a new platform for reviews.

Below, please find info on 6 new teas I bought yesterday:

Tealish

Wild Blueberry: This rooibos tea is quite punchy, very tart and fairly floral. If you don't like perfumey aftertastes, it's probably not going to work for you. Having said that, I don't mind a perfume note if it isn't artificial, and this one is authentic. I feel this may be best blended with other fruit tisanes or with a herbal vanilla. I've been blending it with Honeybush Vanilla (see below). Will I buy more? Probably but I need to go through my sample (2 oz) before I'll know for sure.

Pink Dragonfruit: I am in no way on the fence about this herbal tea - it's delightful! So fruity (you can eat the fruit after if you feel like it), so pink, so cheery. So natural. This ties for the best one I bought in this recent batch. It would win if it weren't quite so distinct (and therefore limited in blending).

Sweetie Pie: Um, ugh. It smells good. It's got almond flavouring in a rooibos base. What's not to like? Well, it has a repulsive, almost vegetable-like subnote. When that's not overwhelming one, it's fake tasting on the top note. I've not tried a tea from Tealish that I've disliked before. Sure, some are better than others, but this one is bad. I'm going to shop it around at work and see if there are any adventurers who can corroborate this claim.

Teavana

Honeybush Vanilla: This honeybush (like rooibos, but a bit less medicinal and more smooth) ties for best tea of the day because it's so darned practical. It's light, will blend with fruit or nut bases - really with anything - and the vanilla is quite believable. Mind, I don't think it benefits from over-steeping, it can get a bit sour. So far it works terrifically with the Wild Blueberry (above) and Teavana Peach Tranquility (one I haven't reviewed but which I appear to love and which can be resteeped a couple of times). It's also good on its own, but I like a bit more sass than plain vanilla.

Caramel Almond Amaretti: Lord, this herbal stick blend is HIDEOUS! Worse even than its Tealish cousin Sweetie Pie (see above). There are no negative reviews of this tea - well, except for this one. My guy, Wade, at Teavana (we're on a first name basis) highly recommended it and he hasn't steered me wrong before. It smelled nice. But honestly it was one of the worst tastes I've tried in a long time. How to describe it? Sort of vomity, like ground-cover - no, more like dirt. Neither M nor I could drink more than 2 sips. I've already given it away - I couldn't let it live in my house. Don't worry, the person who received it did so with full disclosure. Why didn't I start with 2 oz? I spent 20 bucks on this shit. Live and Learn.

Passion Tango: This herbal mashup isn't a failure but it's not a success. It's so fucking overwhelmed by hibiscus. Use little. It'll blend well with the Peach Tranquility (Teavana) or the ubiquitous herbal Orange Blossom (Teavana). Apparently, it's awesome cold - probably because it tones down the sour-note of the hibiscus. I'm not much of a cold tea person, but maybe I'll develop an interest. It's kind of bitter, though how I can't quite put my finger on - maybe because of the cinnamon? It's also sour (see hibiscus overused). In truth, I don't love passionfruit (not that I dislike it). Update: Just realized that this is made with papaya, not passionfruit and I really don't like papaya. This might be more about mismatch and over-brewing than bad tea.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

• I don't put sugar in tea. I rarely add milk (unless it's plain black tea, and then it's got to be super strong). I like lively, outgoing tastes most of the time. Apparently, I don't mind hibiscus or cardamom (2 tastes that are divisive and that frequently appear in herbal teas) but I prefer them to be balanced. I'm alright with subtle addition of sweetness (via fruit or stevia) but I'm not a fan of juice or sweetened drinks so any sweetness has to be on the light - and real - side. Although I like Toasty Almond, every other almond blend so far has been disgusting to my palate. Of course, those other blends were "amaretti" based, aka almond essence that doesn't have much to do with almond.

• In general, Tealish teas are much subtler and less sweet/artificial than, well, many if not most other tea boutique brands. The plus is that, when they're good, they're so beautifully balanced and of high-quality. But when they're mediocre, they can be wishy washy. Teavana is at the other extreme. When their teas are good, they're like fireworks on a July night. But when they're bad they're overloaded, top heavy, sweet and plain fake tasting. They're also, and I know I've said this before, almost too expensive to be worth it. In light of this, blending really can be your saving grace to produce a brew that has all the good of one tea highlighted by all the good of another tea. Of course, you have to care to do this. Then you have to own all the teas.

So there you go. Two total keepers to add to the cupboard. One likely to be a repeat, one not to be repeated (but to be used) and two horror stories. In truth, this isn't my best luck to date but, once you've tried almost everything you have to start digging deeper. Deep isn't always good. Have you tried any of these? If yes, do you concur with my perspective? Which of these most appeals to you? Let's talk!

I Sewed Something!

Ain't it the way: I make my first garment in months and there's no freakin' natural light with which to photograph the results. I don't know why I'm surprised. It's January in Southern Ontario. So begins the endless dusk. This morning, Scott opened the blinds and chirped (as he does, daily, from January to April): Another gorgeous day in Toronto!

So you are consigned to view some fairly crap pics of my latest (4th, in case you're counting) version of Vogue 8790:

This is what the colour actually looks like (sort of):

I have no idea why this looks pilled in the photo - the fabric is a very smooth bamboo jersey with great recovery. I suspect I got so granular with the camera, we're seeing cells here...

At any rate, it's a true fuchsia which is something we could all use right now, if colour-therapy is anything to go by.

OK, some deets:

• The instructions on this pattern continue to be as crap-ass as ever. You think I'd have figured it out by now - and written some good notes. Alas, I've got notes all over the place, notes written in a sewadelic daze, 2 and 6 and 12 months ago. They're still not explaining to me how the fuck to attach the back to the front at the neck and shoulders simultaneously. I'm improving, but you can still see where I fucked it up on the right shoulder. Damn, I wasn't going to talk about the error. Ignore what I just said. Perfection is a myth and no one's going to notice a little blip on the shoulder - especially when my boobs are part of the equation. (Furthermore, I think I can fix it.)

• I substantively altered the size this time around - well, I've altered it every time, but last time, I got bold and realized that the shoulders were 3/4 of an inch too wide. It's wasn't as relevant when I made the sleeveless version (though I felt this width was too extreme in that version too. Remember, my shoulders are narrower than the dress form's). Thing is, that alteration isn't easy till you really understand how the pieces fit together. 

• A propos of that, I also reconstructed the sleeve to fit quite a bit higher in the armscye than the pattern calls for. I believe my original pattern size was 14 (to fit in bust). My sleeves would accord with a size 10.

• I also narrowed the fold over surplice neckline and tacked it differently at the neck (I think the instructions expect a double turn over, not that the tech drawing clarifies it). Not sure yet if this was a good idea. At the original width, I felt there was just too much fabric to organize around my chest. And remember this top can get a bit bulky below the breasts because it's a double layer of fabric.

This thing still isn't perfect, but it's improving every time I make it. I got so much use out of the sleeveless version, I do hope I can eventually master a great fit in a version with sleeves.  Word to the wise: Do yourself a favour and work with REALLY slim fabric - like almost too light. This fabric is fine (it's actually very nice), but I wouldn't mind it a bit thinner. Thing is, tissue-thin fabric is hard to find (without looking totally cheap and see-through).

Miraculously, this venture took a mere 4 hours. That was a) my outer limit of energy in time and b) less long than it takes me to make anything, knit or no. I must be cottoning on to the instructions, despite my mid-sewing frustration.

So, there you go. Can't say how long it'll be before there's another craft installment. Things are pretty slow going here on that front (as I'm trying to do less and chill more). I do wish I could knit but I'm not going to take it on until I'm sure it won't trigger pain in my upper back.

Whatcha think? Have you made this before? Do you like the colour of the fabric? Let's talk!

This Only Works If You Don't Talk About It*

Mise-en-scène: Scott and Kristin are sitting on the well-used, green couch in the front room. They've been there so long that their derrieres have left distinct indents in the cushions. The dregs of a nice Rioja are pooled at the bottom of Italian tumblers. Ratatouille plays in the background. The kid is at a party in Riverdale. The kitchen is clean. It's 11:01 pm, Dec. 31.

Kristin: Lord, this evening is interminable! You know what? Seriously, we could just decide to call it midnight right now. We could pretend it's midnight and have a toast and then just go to sleep. We can use up that last inch of the Rioja.

Scott: Wanna get the Prosecco?

Kristin: I'm not opening a whole bottle of Prosecco for half a glass when I'm not going to drink the rest tomorrow. Not to mention hand-washing those flutes. I am so done with cleaning in 2014. What do you think, toast now with the Rioja? No shame cuz we can tell people we truly rang in the new year, legit-style! Where is it actually midnight now? Sydney?

Scott: Bermuda. It was midnight in Sydney at 10am. We could do that - if I were vaguely sleepy. (Scott puts his insufferable ironic voice to good effect.)

Kristin: What's wrong with you? Who eats a pound of brie and a loaf of bread and isn't sleepy? And Bermuda is very civilized. You know that's where Michael Douglas spends half the year... (How Kristin knows this is somewhat baffling. Blame it on misspent youth spent watching Entertainment Tonight.) The genius part is that no one will ever have to know!

*And if both parties agree.

I'll let you guess how this plays out...