Tuesday, March 15, 2016

A Bug Story

Scott and M are in NYC for a few days over March break. While I cannot say that I'm in any way put out by this - work is crazy and I am exceedingly happy for the peace and quiet (aka not arguing with a 16 year old incessantly) - I did have a totally stressful experience about an hour ago. It involved yoga. And a centipede.

I cannot even type that word without feeling sick.

There I was, blithely considering what online class would suit my rather scattered post-work mood, and this horrifying, hairy bug just sidled up beside me. It wasn't even freaked out. Alas, when I observed it, not an inch away from me, I did freak out - and proceeded to spill the contents of my (mercifully, almost gone) Immune Booster (juice) shot all over my keyboard. Somehow the spa lifestyle has eluded me today, despite the many trappings.

As fast as I jumped, it ran out the sewga room door. And then I was trapped.

BTW, this isn't the first time this has happened. It is, however, the first time it's happened when my people are in a foreign country. You can imagine my dismay.

At any rate, I spent a few minutes considering my options. Staying in the yoga room for another 48 hours wasn't one of them. If nothing else I had soup on the stove. So I grabbed a shoe, shored myself up and peered behind the door. The fucker was gone.

Honestly, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. The idea of killing it was almost as sickening as the bug itself. I mean, to kill it, I'd have to get within a foot of it. Or a shoe, anyway. But not finding it meant I couldn't be rid of it. Everything started feeling like a bug was crawling on me. And, of course, I didn't know how I'd ever enter the sewga room again (despite the fact that the bug disappeared outside the room).

But then I did something unheard of. Truly. I decided to listen to the voices in my head - those of everyone who's ever tried to talk me off a ledge when I see a bug, those which told me that it was truly gone - as gone as a bug can be i.e. into the walls - and that I'm 2000 times its size and that it's more scared of me than I can ever be of it. And then I opted to take back the room.

God help me, I did yoga. Sure, I wore my glasses (which made me feel incredibly nauseous by the end because I spent the entire time compulsively staring at the door). And I didn't do savasana in the sewga room. I mean, I'm not insane. Yes, I ran out the door, at the end, stealthily looking behind me, prepared for the worst. And I actually feel more terrible now than before I started.

But dammit, I'm not stuck in a room for the next 2 days. That's a metaphor for you. Or something.

12 comments:

  1. I once killed a large (2-3") centipede. I dropped The Joy of Cooking on it. Turns out, centipedes' legs aren't attached very tightly. Many had to be picked up individually.

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    1. EEEK! I'd never touch that book again :-)

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  2. Go you! Take back that yoga room! Seriously, I know this isn't comical to you, although you've done your best to write the incident up entertainingly. I'm impressed that you were able to tune in to those voices, working a little cognitive behavioural therapy. Take care. Hope the soup was good. . .

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    1. I do try to find the comedy, but this phobia is real - and as irrational as every phobia. Well, except for height phobia which is just smart.

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  3. Good for you! My last close encounter with centipedes involved the bleak concrete shower in my parents' basement---however, I survived. (Mercifully I have never had to use that shower again.) We never stand up to our fears... Until we do. :D

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    1. I remember that post you wrote! I could barely get through it!!

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  4. I GET IT. I also suffer from entomophobia (in college I called my roommate sobbing after I accidentally let a ladybug into our room with two-story ceilings) and I am SO proud of you for surviving this encounter so rationally. I've managed it a few times, but it's always hit or miss and these days I have "my people" (well, my person/boyfriend) to take care of the bugs.

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    1. You do get it! I managed better than I ever have before, but I was not elegant, K. I shrieked and jumped and shook. Then, yesterday, I went into the room - thought I saw another centipede - ran to smack it with a shoe (progress!!!) only to find it was a bit of fluff. So much adrenaline. I wasn't wearing my glasses (which doesn't help with bug phobia).

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  5. OMG I hate those guys! Those are the worst - seriously - the worst. Kudos to you that you were able to refocus and stay in the room to do yoga.

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  6. Centipedes I can just about handle. Maggots...even thinking about it makes me heave. Seriously impressed!

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    1. Ok, did you have to retraumatize me??? :-) I am going to take a shower.

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