And Now for a Word about Undergarments (Would this were a message from our sponsor...)

If you know me - even slightly - then you know how much I dig lingerie, like in a "thousands of dollars sitting in my dresser drawer" kind of way. (Disclaimer: I have amassed it slowly and stealithy over the years. I am not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-panties kind of purchaser.) And if you know me - even slightly - chances are I've pulled my shirt down just enough to show you the gorgeous cut of my balconette or how the mint green satin of my bra strap complements the brown tank I'm wearing. No doubt, I've tugged my thong strap up so you can see some fancy design element. I am not shy because this stuff is the shit, it fits perfectly and it sets the mood for what will go on top.

So let me tell it like I see it. One's foundation is exactly that. And if you forego fit, fun or functionality, it's going to show. It's going to make those fabulous things on which you've spent all your disposible income look ordinary. It's going to highlight anything you might be trying to hide.

And at the risk of being blunt, so early in the game, you may think you wear a 34D because that's the largest size you can find at your mid-range department store. You may feel the centre wire is not too far from your sternum (note: if it ain't touching, it's too far). You may buy a 36 band because you're trying to fit into a larger cup without going up a size (in which case you're boobs are probably hanging to your middle ribcage). You may not mind that the molded cup is half an inch away from your smaller breast. You may not have noticed that you have a smaller breast. But in the end you are only cheating yourself and your admirers (they being the general public) because perfection is in your grasp.

Now it won't come cheap, and it's easier if you live in a stylish urban centre, but I promise this is one kind of perfect that is actually attainable. The process:

• Don't be invested in the size of your bra. In the same way it doesn't matter if the pants are a size 12 (when you generally wear an eight) as long as they fit beautifully, it makes no difference if you are a 30A or a 36FF. Honestly.

• Small tits look bigger in a well-fitted bra and big tits look smaller and, well, firmer.

• Get thee to a good lingerie boutique. If you live in Toronto, Secrets from your Sister (despite my intermittent issues with the place), is a fine store with great stock in every size from tiny to huge. And the staffers are sincerely knowledgeable.

• Don't freak when the SA wants to take a look at the initial try-on she throws you - just to confirm she's in the right ballpark about ribcage, breast size and shape of you vs. shape of the bra. Chances are if she's an expert she won't use a measuring tape. Which is just as well because that's a little awkward...

• Note that, in general, woman wear too loose a band and too small a cup. The band should fit almost like a corset because it, along with the underwire, is what holds your breasts in place. This means that if you pull the straps off your shoulders, while the fabric may drop away from your breasts, the band should not budge.

• If your breasts are small (up to a D), Lejaby, Princess Tam Tam and Agent Provocateur make some insanely beautiful things.

• If your breasts are large (bigger than a D), Panache, Freya and Fantasie are excellent brands providing gorgeous, fun to flirty to basic to sexy design with the underpinning architecture you definitely require.

• Check out http://www.figleaves.com/ for examples of all of these brands.

• If you are really shy (or you live in the middle of nowhere), here's a post that tells you how to determine your own bra size: http://www.freebeautytips.org/brasize.html. Thing about this is that it won't tell you how brands interact with that size and it won't be able to give guidance about the best bra for the shape of your particular breasts.

I could go on and, in future I'm sure I will (picks of my faves to follow, promise) at a later date.

Just needed to get this off my chest, you understand...