Bad Ass

This morning, I got up and had a shower. I washed my hair with my own handmade shampoo and conditioner. I washed my face with my new, self-created facial cleanser. When I was finished, I dried myself off halfway and applied Body Oil A (Lord, I love this stuff). I rolled on a bit of my own deodorant. I toned my face with neroli hydrosol, spritzed a bit into my Serum B, and gently applied it. Finally, I used a smidge of Eye Balm A (wait till I talk this up) and finished it up with my lip balm.

Gotta say, I feel pretty fucking self-sufficient right now. And I feel and smell great!

In Case You Thought I Was Joking

I suspect I just met my weekend project:

These are the newly arrived goodies (dare I say "chemicals with long names") I'll use to make shampoo, face cleanser and conditioner. Yeah, I didn't know how much I wanted to make conditioner until I started thinking about making shampoo. Fear not, there are many other - and more natural substances that also go into these products. I just didn't get them in the mail today so they're not on my dining room table right now.

I have no idea how this is all going to work but I'm hopeful - aren't I always? If I can swing good hair product, my child (of the horse-tail mane) will no longer threaten to bankrupt me with her 8 oz per week habit.

Plus, how cool would it be to use my own haircare line? Stay tuned.

The Rabbit Hole Is Deep

On reflection, there are three reasons I make things:

• I honestly believe that I can make them well, to suit myself specifically (aka The Conceit).
• I am slightly obsessed with the platonic ideal of the DIY crafter (aka The Artist).
• I have this perspective that, if I can make it, why would I pay someone else to (aka The Craft Fallacy).

Intriguingly, I have one more philosophical reason - abstractly intertwined with my off-the-grid Krissie alter ego: In the apocalypse, I'm going to be the one living high on the hog (kale?!) cuz I can get peeps their socks and face serum. Of course, I mean this tongue in cheek. What I'm saying is that applied knowledge is power.

There are many holes in my arguments (hilariously, I initially wrote the word "wholes"), not least of which when it comes to the Craft Fallacy. Yeah, I can make all the things, but in many instances, there is NO way I can do it more efficiently than a commercial business making something in volume.

Apparently, this little inconsistency is of no mind to me.

Enter: Handmade Shampoo and Face Cleanser. Note to reader: It ain't gonna be "natural".

Here's what I use now:

• Herbal Glo Shampoo: I know - the branding is hideous! but the product is Canadian, very effective for me and M and it's affordable, given that my kid goes through it like water. I also like the conditioner. I've used this regularly for the last 20 years - because the ingredients are pronounceable and vegetable-sourced. OK, I've really used it cuz it works and I can afford it. But it definitely appeals that it's on the natural end of the spectrum. Of course, I switch it up on occasion, but I'm a creature of habit.

• Avene Cleanance: Oh, there is nothing pronounceable about this formula except the special Avene spring-water. I mean, it's blue. But it works exceedingly well on oily skin - and on acne-prone, teenaged skin. I'm no apologist. It works. I'm buying it. It's also Canadian.

Let's address the elephant in the room. I'm not the girl who's going to go all crazy on your ass when it comes to surfactants. I have the oiliest skin you'll ever meet. You know how the super-hairy ladies go on about their leg treatments and the super-sweaty ladies go on about their antiperspirant needs. I am the super greasy lady who carries around powdered face blotters in every purse.

I'm three weeks from being 45 years old and I cannot go 2 days without washing my hair because it turns into a grease-ball.

Please don't suggest that I just need to do things differently to get the oil under control. I'm cool with the oil. It's why I'm going to look 15 years younger than my actual age for, like, ever. I have nice, unblemished skin. I'll try that "wash your face with oil" thing when I have 6 weeks to acclimate in the privacy of my own home because walking out of the house like a grease-slick is just not attractive.

Would I prefer not to contribute to the decline of our world by using formulas that foam? Absolutely. But that's when I remind myself that I don't own a car and I almost always take public transport or I walk. I recycle everything. I reuse paper towels. Kind of puts my dime-sized amount of daily soap into perspective.

Feel free to be horrified, but I'm actually as excited by the idea of mixing hard-to-pronounce chemicals as I am by the idea of mixing beautiful, natural organic oils. Why? I like chemistry! I'm that kid whose mind was blown in grade 7 Biology when she had to do that kitchen experiment assignment that turns out to be a one-pan chocolate cake. I don't judge the things I'm mixing. I mean, I research them and make sure that they're not harmful - even if they aren't "natural". But peeps, I use these chemicals already. Everything is a chemical and when you need the ones that cut grease, well - have at it, I say. I don't want to be that meat-eater who won't kill her own dinner.*

I'm thrilled at the prospect of making cleansers that do the job for me with a minimum of surfactants and hard-to-pronounce things. I want to add neutraceuticals and essential oils. I want to fool around with the ratios to maximize hydration - even as I need to keep the grease at bay.

So stay tuned for more on this. (You can roll your eyes now.)

*Alas, I am most definitely that meat-eater who won't kill her own dinner. And for this I am an apologist.