No, I'm Not Joking.

OK, just to give you the latest update on the cursed lingerie order from hell, I received the last outstanding bra - remember, the resend of the resend of the wrong size, today and it's the wrong fucking bra.

What I mean is (and I'm still trying to verify whether I ordered incorrectly or the warehouse shipped incorrectly), the reason the first shipment and the second one were so horrible, oversized (and hideous) is because they've been sending me the Smoothing Underwired Full Cup (this is all over the invoice and the tag), not the Smoothing Underwired Balconette.

Just to make matters more complicated, there's an online version of the Smoothing Underwired Bra that's neither billed as full cut nor balconette, which seems to be the one I ordered.

How many fucking versions of this bra do they sell??

I am quite confident that I've ordered the same bra time and again and I've heretofore received the balconette.

Now I'm trying to figure out, with the gracious assistance of Figleaves, whether the style has changed substantively (and what I'd get, were I once again to reorder - this time specifically the balconette - is not the same bra I've bought many times).

Let me say, I'd much rather be at the tail-end of the worst fucked-up order and shipping experience I've ever had (and hopefully will ever have again) than to discover the style is no longer the same. Cuz I rely on this bra, people.

For now, as we muddle through and sort things out, I'll simply say this: DO NOT order the Fantasie Smoothing Underwire Full Cup (if you somehow locate it on the website or anywhere else) - not unless you want to find yourself in possession of the ugliest piece of underwear that's ever been created. And you know I have a soft spot for the ugly, sometimes.

It's ugly in the most fulsome fashion - the edging is inelegant, the wires too long, the fit substantively oversized. Don't even try to wear this under a scooped t-shirt - it's too high cut in the cups. The straps are over an inch wide and additionally reinforced in a cheap-looking way - these are wider, perhaps than any others I've seen.

Now I know you may say that they wouldn't keep making it if there weren't a market and, Lord knows, I'm not the arbiter of what looks good on everybody's bust but seriously, it's horrid. I can think of 40 more lovely, equally supportive bras that are more accurately sized and that come in a huge variety of sizes. You don't need to do this to yourself.

I'll weigh in on the balconette as soon as I have more info. And, if I decide that this isn't gonna fly either, I'll have to advise you of a work around. It's my sworn duty as the online lingerie-fairy (this is how I self-identify, whatevs).

When I have promoted this bra, in the past, I am NOT referring to the full cup version I have thrice received as part of the order of doom.

As you were.