In my entire life have I never gone to the mall a week before Xmas. I mean, I won't go to the mall at the best of times, never mind after November 15. And yet, I spent the day there today. From 10 till 3, you know, the witching hours. (At least I assume them to be.)
I ate hideous food and stood on a 20 minute line at Starbucks. I got smacked into by young children and clueless men shopping with young children and was up-sold about 30 times. I did not capitulate. I actively handled the tried'n'true Kristin-anxiety triple threat: crowds, bright lights and noise. (Did I mention that I'm dealing with some ridiculous and recently-arrived, symmetrical sacral pain for the past few days - one of those kinds of pain I NEVER get.)
Really, I kicked ass - though maybe not according to my child, the reason I found myself at the mall 4 days before Christmas. You see, she wanted to go shopping for fun things she "needs". Note to reader: She needs NOTHING. In fact, her room is a tornado of all of the kinds of fast fashion she somehow manages to procure on an ill-deserved allowance. She won't even put anything away so it all lives in piles on the floor. Ditching the old and worn for the new and improved is not a thing that the little hoarder can get with.
I played hard and negotiated a deal: One thing in for one thing out. And then she somehow convinced me to buy her all the things at Sephora and half of the things at Top Shop. She even coerced me into some technical cashmere at a Kit and Ace pop-up shop. (Since when does the mall do pop-up shops??) I'll admit it. I caved. In addition to her loot, I bought myself a top (and I know I always say this, but it looks better on me than on the model in the link. Does every model need to be entirely without profile?). Moreover, what is the world coming to when you buy a glorified T shirt for a hundred bucks? For a teenager.
While we're on the topic, I've already bought her numerous LOVELY gifts that I know she'll enjoy. Those were the things I got while surfing on the couch.
But here's where it all went to hell...
We went bra shopping.
OK, we didn't so much go bra shopping as we went to La Senza (a store I'd eradicate from the face of the earth if I had superhuman powers for 5 minutes). And then we went to Victoria's Secret - a shop with some pretty sexy things (in the pricey section) if you happen to fit the the matrix sizing - which 5 people do. (Note: none of those things is padded or push up.)
I have to preface this by advising you that my child has the most gorgeous bust ever. I know it doesn't matter and that one's heart is the thing that counts and I'm not supposed to notice or care. But really, she won the lottery. Her boobs are self-supporting, perfectly symmetrical, truly high-set. She can wear a 32DD (sort of findable) though her size is more of a 30E (actually, it's 28F but she can't stand the tightness of the band as she has no fat to speak of). I would happily buy her all of the gorgeous things online, without question - just for the vicarious thrill!, but she refuses to comply.
Instead, she goes to the SHITTIEST stores and buys 34D bras with massive amounts of padding and it's a fucking crime. If I had those boobs I would be lavishing them in well-fitted gorgeousness.
Yeah, I know. They're not my boobs and I'd never heap this vitriol on a friend. Furthermore, who better to wear the wrong size bra than the person who doesn't really need one for either support or shaping.
And still, I felt utterly demoralized.
Don't you think that the one thing I should have passed along to my child is the gift of fit discrimination? The other day, I played a little trick on her. We were talking about something irrelevant and, all of a sudden, I quizzed her to name a sister size to 34F. By the way, SHE GOT IT RIGHT in 2 seconds! So I know she's not ignoring everything. But why does she hurt me so?
At any rate, I capitulated to one La Senza atrocity. Then I made her go to the Bay with me and we fought about every bra there. Every. single. fucking. last. one. I bribed her into trying on a few that I could get with (barely) by agreeing to get her a stupid bralet that's basically dental floss and lace. (In truth, she can pull it off so it didn't torment me as much as I'd led her to believe.) Every other bra I brought her to try (and I made sure to go with the B. tempted and all of that youth-market shit) looked fantastic on her. And yet she would only accede to this one (which is very cute on her - not mature at all):
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| Wacoal Embrace Lace Soft Cup Bra |
First world problems. Huh?
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Kit and Ace does make lovely fabrics. I bought a skirt from them while I was visiting Vancouver earlier this year; of course then I promptly went off shorter skirts and haven't worn it much, but the quality is impeccable.
ReplyDeleteThe quality really is impressive. And everything was so soft - we were bamboozled :-)
DeleteI insisted that my darling middle child (age 13) actually pick up all her clothes from her bedroom floor before I would let her travel with us for the holidays. It took only four months of reminding her (Sept-Dec) but she did it this week and was delighted with the things she found within her great piles of Forever 21 this and Abercrombie that. Merry Christmas to you and yours!!
ReplyDeleteI think, under those circumstances, my child would actually stay home! I've bribed, threatened, used psychology - you name it. She's hardcore :-)
DeleteAlthough I am happily childfree, and as such feel slightly guilty laughing at this story since I will never have to experience this specific aggravation, I do still feel your pain. This is pretty much my mother & me, with the roles reversed. On a visit home a few years ago my mom was wearing an ancient Bali, all stretch retention gone, and one strap held by a safety pin. When I said we needed to head to the store asap, she laughed and said it was 'still perfectly fine'. I kid you not. I couldn't take it. I immediately began rooting through my suitcase and left two of my own bras with her that were looser in the band than I prefer (she is a band bigger and a cup smaller, but no matter; in that moment, anything was better than what she had). Such a lovely, competent, efficient woman who just gives less than zero f**ks about clothing and style. It' actually a pretty endearing trait.
ReplyDeleteBut, for your daughter, as a fellow lover of looser bands, I'm wondering if comfort is her ultimate criteria? Or perhaps conforming to peer norms? I do recall in my late-teens, early 20s (i.e., the self-supporting years) opting for 34C's, when I was clearly a 32D, as they provided far more comfort for days seated in classrooms. Also, I'm aware that in that age group today, padded bras are almost a social law. They are almost hysterically scandalized by nipples and seams. Which is really amusing to me since when I was that age most bras were seamless, miminal, and totally unpadded.
I do believe it's about conformism. You're totally right - that's all the girls wear. The more padded the better. At a certain point, there's no space for one's boobs because interior padding is the entire freakin' bra. I told her that there are easy ways to disguise nipples (though, seriously, WHO CARES about nipples!) but it's a no go.
DeleteSorry, but this just made me laugh so hard! Having got three daughters through adolescence into gorgeous womanhood without more than, tops, 5 bra-shopping expeditions between them, I'm in awe at your commitment. And I'm seriously intending to ask mine, perhaps over Christmas dinner, whether I gained or lost points through my negligence. . . Hope your pain disappears soon.
ReplyDeleteWow - I've had 5 in the last year alone (if you count the times that we online shopped aka I found things to meet her every criteria and then she decided she didn't like my suggestion after all. Please let me know what your daughters say! BTW, I think that you are the norm here. M told me that her friends mums have never gone bra shopping with them.
DeleteAs someone who loves bras, adores your bra reviews, and has a mother who sees her daughter as competition, this story was funny but painful. I hope your daughter eventually appreciates what she turned down on this trip to the mall FOUR DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
ReplyDeleteI don't think this kind of pre-Xmas shopping is in the cards again for many years (till I forget it!). But really, there's no competition. No point in competing with anyone on this account. I just wish that she could wear the best fitting things and find the enjoyment in that experience like I do. It's more about wanting a point of mutual understanding and compatibility - which I so hoped to find specifically on this topic. And natch, it's about my control-issues and her rebellion. Ah, fun times.
DeleteI just realized from your reply that my earlier comment might have seemed critical of you as competing with your daughter. That's quite the opposite of what I meant! It's clear you're being extraordinarily supportive. Shopping for someone else for five hours in a mall, four days before Christmas, is heroic, even without sensitivity to lights, noise, and crowds. When I was a teenager, I would've traded you for my mother in a red hot second!
DeleteMan, I shouldn't be allowed near a keyboard when I have the flu. In my correction to my earlier comment, I meant I would've traded in my mother for you in a red hot second, when I was a teenager. Sigh. Now going to find some cough syrup and booze. (Whose idea was it to remove the alcohol from cough syrup, anyway?)
DeleteHa! No worries! I understood :-) I only hope that you feel better as the day goes on. It sucks being sick on Xmas.
DeleteWell, at least the bra she did get is super pretty. I have a niece who is much the same. I don't get it. Everything looks better with proper fit.
ReplyDeleteI know! What is going on with these young people (she says, walking five miles to work in the snow).
DeleteOMG it is like you live at my house. My teen is 34F and I would like to exile Victoria's Secret to the farthest reaches of space. I did the exact same undertaking last weekend amidst the holiday hordes so that she could find a sports bra (ha ha ha, what is wrong with the world in this regard, WHERE ARE THEY?) and yet she wants a million bras that DO NOT FIT and have TONS OF PADDING which is absurd. I have bought her very expensive lovely non-matronly bras from Nordstroms which I never see but I can see the neon of VS bras every day through her shirts. I did not even wear a bra in high school (maybe 32C then) so I can't relate but I have done a ton of research (here for example, and many other blogs) and yet.... VS within walking distance of her school. Yet, so many beautiful bras in some pile on her floor. I have to post as Anonymous though I am actually an occasional commenter here....
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm not alone! Thank you. :-) Here's hoping all of our training will pay off in the long run.
DeleteBut did you get to see the Fashion Santa?!?!
ReplyDeleteNo I didn't! But I heard about it.
DeleteThis is funny to me because I'm the one who got my mother into properly fitting bras. I also got her into nail polish, purses, and jewelry. Sorry Dad! My mom never used to take care of herself enough, and I'm glad that she does now and that we have something to bond over.
ReplyDeletePs. I could barely stand my mother during my teenage years, so maybe M will come around. Maybe one day you'll catch her taking her own daughter to a bra fitting. ;)
Well aren't you the best to give your mum a taste for luxury now that you can both get along! I can only hope one day my kid will be training others in proper fit. I can dream.
DeleteI've so missed reading your blog! And by the way, your child must know you love her, what with your being at the mall 4 days before x-mas and all. You must forgive M: she has youth on her side, she has the knowledge she will need when she needs well fitting bras (I , too, had self supporting breasts at her age... now I need all the help I can get), and she is fulfilling her role as a teenager. I may not be your daughter, but as your friend I do listen to all your knowledge. Not only do I only shop for good (expensive!) bras these days, I am sitting on the couch alternating between blog reading and on-line boxing day shopping, while sipping wine. We must get together soon. Merry Holidays and awesomeness in 2016 to you and your family.
ReplyDelete