Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Um, Wow...

Remember this bra? Well, Reader, I bought it and it's horrifyingly ugly. Until... you put on a top at which time it gives the most fantastic, pointy-delicious shape that it's impossible not to love it.

Not to mention the fact that it's the most comfortable thing I've ever worn in my life. Seriously, people, maybe foot injury is messing with my brain, because I'm not exactly the kind of girl who goes for comfort. (Note: If you are my real-world friend or family member, you are not allowed to lecture me about this. I know that we don't wear lingerie for comfort.)

When I first pulled it out of its box - yes, it comes in a box?!? - I thought, there is no fucking way. Let's just send this thing back to Figleaves. Or burn it and restore a little bit of beauty to the world. Prudence, and the fact that I'd been waiting for it for a month, first convinced me to crawl my way to the front door (10 minute expedition), then to pull it out of the box (hard without access to scissors which were too difficult to reach) and then to sit in the hallway awkwardly trying to put it on. Have you ever tried to put on a bra while sitting awkwardly on the floor. Not so easy, as it happens.

I think I'm going to keep it, if only as a novelty item. If cooler heads prevail when I am well, I can always chalk it up to a moment of sartorial insanity. And right now, as I bounce up and down while (occasionally) hopping on my good leg, it's a very good thing to own.

Some things you should know about it, in case you want to take the plunge:
  • I used the word "plunge" with irony. This thing comes up to your sternum. Scoopy T, I don't think so.
  • It's fascinatingly constructed out of mystery fabric but without wires and it's AWESOMELY supportive (as everyone says).
  • It's insanely comfortable.
  • It gives terrific 50's silhouette which I happen to love. But it's exaggerated.
  • It deemphasizes breast size due to the way it distributes breast tissue. Note: It does not "minimize".
  • It's utterly ugly: straps are an inch wide?!, the band is so thick it's practically a midline bra. If only it were 4 inches longer, on me it would be a longline! (Gotta be something good about the short waist.)
  • It does have that retro thing going for it, as long as you wear it with attitude (she says having no attitude to bring to anything right now). With high waisted black lace undies, it would be a) very slimming under most clothing and b) rather Mad Men cute.
  • It starts in a 34 back size. I'm a 32 and I'm wearing it on the middle hooks. Unlike others, I don't think the back fits super small. Instead, I will suggest it's doable if you have a 32 back and you want to give the 34 a try i.e. not too loose.
  • I would go up a cup size. Everyone said that and I agree. Mind you, if I had access to try this one cup size down, I suspect it might also fit (it's in the nature of the construction, IMO, that it might). Depending on your breast shape, a couple of sizes might fit similarly.
So these are my thoughts. A woman with larger breasts is going to get a great silhouette, a supportive bra and comfort (not so bad). A woman with smaller breasts gets all of that, and a more retro-cute / less dowdy look. Note: I don't think any woman should be making this her go-to bra unless she's living the Dita von Teese lifestyle. You have to bring your mojo.

PS: You could totally run in this bra and equally easily do yoga because there are no wires but the support is optimal.


  1. LOL - I wondered what had happened with that bra. Figured it would be exactly as you described. Not flashy on the outside but perfect under clothes. That's usually the way it works.

  2. Well, I'm sold! ha! I tend to gravitate toward comfort and I tell ya, the thing is growing on me. I could use a good workout bra anyway...

  3. What a great review! I need to be more diligent in my reviews of items as well. Glad you like it despite the horror it's looks.

  4. LOL! I can't believe you bought that bra! However, comfort is extremely important in a bra, so if you find one that is comfortable, stock up before it gets discontinued. :-) As long as you have some pretty ones to seduce the hubby with, I suppose it doesn't really matter what the ones you wear the rest of the time are like, eh?

  5. Myrna: I'm experiencing cognitive dissonance.

    Heather: It comes in LOTS of sizes and the comfort is superior. But the bras you make are prettier.

    E8: Glad you enjoyed it!

    CGC: That's the slippery slope rationale, honey! (Though it's hard to resist...) :-)

  6. Yes, I saw they had my size! I almost couldn't believe it and the price is right. I was expecting it to be more.

  7. Can't wait to see what you think of the construction when you receive it...

  8. Hmm, kind of what I expected but I wasn't sure. My favorite bra right now is not that one, but a similarish style which is very retro, and incredibly comfortable. But it can't be an everyday bra with modern clothes.

  9. M: You're right. That silhouette does not work consistently with modern clothing. I would have been just fine dressing in the 50s, something tells me...